The Scamp and the Post She Never Wanted to Write

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I really had to psych myself up to write this post. I’ve been living it for almost 2 years, but I keep thinking that if I don’t write it down, then it won’t actually be true. But that’s just a silly little joke that your brain plays on you to deal with a nightmare.

I can still remember the exact moment I called my mom to complain about something stupid happening at the gym. She was distracted and worried and told me she’d been contacted by Matt’s boss, but was waiting for the police to come. Although we tried to pretend it wasn’t going to be as bad as we thought, it was as bad as we thought.

But it was. And I had to call Kelly to tell her that our trio was now a duo.

Matt was my older brother. I didn’t particularly understand him until I turned 18, and then he became one of my best friends. We shared secrets, podcasts, bad TV shows and the occasional edible. We laughed ridiculously hard at our own jokes, fought over who the cat loved more and showed how much we loved each other through mean jokes and memes. He was an amazing Uncle Matt, a good friend, and a brother I am proud of. I am so lucky that he came to see me in July and the last thing I did was hug him and tell him I loved him. My last text to him was a ridiculous comment about walking his cat on a leash, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Today marks the 2-year anniversary of the last time that I saw my brother alive. Before that visit, I hadn’t seen him in person since 2021. He’d slid into a deep depression and was embarrassed about the amount of weight he had gained. A couple of weeks before I got to California, he had finally been honest with my mom about what was going on and decided to make a change. I called him when I got to my parents’ house just to hear his voice. I told him he didn’t have to come see me (my mom was trying to convince him he needed to). We talked about an audiobook that he was listening to that he thought I would enjoy.

The next day, he showed up at my parents’ house to have lunch. I couldn’t believe how he looked. I knew it was bad, but hearing it and seeing it were two different things. When the parental units left, I downloaded WhatsApp onto his phone and told him that he couldn’t go months without texting.

He did make good on that promise. I still have the chats on my phone. About a month later, he was getting ready to move to Washington. He did what he always did and tried to do the drive all in one go. He fell asleep at the wheel, and the rest is history.

The next month was a blur. I dropped everything to fly back to California and then drove 12 hours to pick up Matt’s ashes and collect his things. The nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me came at the towing yard. Technically, they are not allowed to touch anything in the truck, so I was going to have to face the wreckage and get his things, but when we got to the yard, they had pulled everything out, so we didn’t have to. That simple act of kindness is something that I cannot really properly put into words.

When he picked up his ashes, I refused to let them out of my sight until we got home.

The month I spent in California was spent all day on the phone tracking down landlords, calling banks, and repeating the same story over and over until I just said the words without thinking. Although he would have hated it, we had a memorial. The number of people who came to share their stories of Matt was incredible. For someone who was basically a hermit, he had so many people who loved him. I saw people that I hadn’t seen in 20 years, and my mom heard stories that she probably didn’t need to know.

Matt wanted to be left in the woods to be eaten by a bear, but my mom said no, so we buried his ashes under a tree near the lake.

In true ironic fashion, the tree was cut down a week later.

I brought some of Matt’s ashes back to Scotland with me and tried to give him a little Viking funeral, complete with a boat and fire. It failed spectacularly, but I think Matt would have laughed at it.

I listen to Dungeon Crawler Carl almost every day because that was the last thing he was listening to. He was right, it is the type of book that I would enjoy. I taught his cat how to be social and adapt to a world without his boy. I learned to live with grief and the little piece of me that will always be missing.

I don’t know what I thought this post would be, but maybe it was just helpful to get it out of my head. I will end it with this:

Matt was forced to grow up in a house full of women. If we went to a museum or were on a tour, and the three girls went left, he went right.

He had terrible taste in TV shows. He had great taste in books and podcasts. For over 20 years, he never let me forget that I once asked how long a 24-hour fitness was open. After 18 years in the same routine, he was finally about to make a better life for himself.

Matthew Dean Wilder was an amazing big brother. We didn’t always get along or spend enough time together, but he was, and always will be, one of my favourite humans.

Matthew Dean Wilder

March 21, 1985-August 28, 2023

The Scamp in Corfu, Greece

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In August of 2023, I packed my bags and met one of my best friends and travel buddies in Corfu, a Greek Island in the Ionian Sea.

We called this the Tzatziki Tour 2023 and basically ate as much tzatziki as we could. We stayed at an Airbnb that had a rooftop where we could sit and drink wine and talk about life. I had just started dating a nice guy and was trying to navigate dating after a long break, so there were plenty of chats and advice since she had been in the same boat when she started dating her partner a few years ago.

Corfu was pretty easy to navigate, and we even took a day trip to an Albanian beach to enjoy sunshine and a really amazing dinner. We don’t get to catch up a lot, and this was the perfect weekend away to do what we both love. It was the perfect calm before the storm of what my life would become just a few weeks later.

The Scamp Goes Home

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After my less-than-relaxing holiday in Majorca, I made my annual trip to California. I try to go to California every year in July, when the weather is warm and my workload is the lowest.

I needed this holiday. I was burned out at work and in desperate need of a tan. Little did I know that this trip home would be one of the most important of my life.

The sun and the heat were great. I was there for the 4th of July, which meant the annual parade in the town where my parents live. I helped my mom clean out her closets and found all kinds of photos from when I was a kid. I even crashed my parents’ anniversary dinner for the third year in a row.

One of the best things about being in California in July is that I also get to celebrate my nephew’s birthday. I make him a whatever kind of cake he wants, and we usually go to the aquarium so that he can see sharks and feed the birds.

I made time this trip to have breakfast with my first friend. We’ve known each other since we were 5, and it was nice to catch up on life and talk about all the people that we grew up with. Although my life took a very different path, she is still friends with a lot of the people I grew up with, so it is nice for me to hear about how all of them are doing.

The most meaningful part of this trip though, was the chance to have lunch with my brother. He had all but disappeared for years. He told my mom he was busy with work and wouldn’t come to holidays or be able to visit when I came to town. Before this visit, I hadn’t seen him in person in over 2 years. In reality, he was super depressed and had gained a lot of weight. He was ashamed and didn’t want anyone to know. A few months before I visited, he had finally come clean to my mom and was making changes. He was never very good at texting back, but he called me to chat about a book series he was reading that he thought I would like. I told him he didn’t have to come visit, but he decided to put his feelings aside and come see me for lunch.

I forced him to download Whatsapp in front of me and while my parents went to pick up lunch, I made him promise that he wouldn’t hide anymore. He had to text me and he couldn’t go a month without a text. We watched stupid videos and talked about books, and after lunch, I gave him a hug, told him I loved him and he left.

I didn’t know it at the time, but that would be the last time that I saw him. Less than a month later, I would be back in California so that I could collect his ashes and help my mom sort out all of the things that come with someone dying suddenly. I will forever be grateful that my last words to him out loud were that I loved him and was happy he made the drive to see me.

The Scamp in Majorca

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In May 2023, I decided that I needed a few days away. I was hoping for sunshine and some warm weather near a beach. I booked a trip to Majorca hoping that it would get me all of those things.

Map Data ©2019 Inst. Geogr. Nacional

I like visiting Spain, so moving to the islands around Spain is always a good idea.

While this should have been a good few days away in the sun, it rained most of the time that I was there. I got a bit of time on the beach, but it was hardly the recharge I wanted. One thing that I did enjoy was a collection of sculptures near the sea. I’m not sure who made them or what their purpose is, but it was a fun walk.

I did try to get a tattoo while I was there, and the shop was clearly terrible. I took a Sailor Jerry design, literally something drawn to be a tattoo, and the guy at the shop told me it would not make a good tattoo and would have to be altered. He then talked to the other artist in Spanish, as if I wouldn’t understand, so I cut him off and said politely in Spanish that I had changed my mind and no longer wanted the tattoo.

I live for those little moments. I also took the tattoo to my artist here in Edinburgh and he did an amazing job with it, which means I lucked out because there is nothing I hate more than a bad tattoo on my body.

I may go back one day to get the sunshine aspect. At the time, I really needed the break. Work was stressful, and I was burned out, and the visit to my family was months away. I wish it had been a good break, but unfortunately it was not everything that I wanted.

The Scamp in Prague, Czech Republic

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One of my favourite things to do when I visit any new country is visit the Jewish Quarter.

Prague has a rich history of Jewish culture and a really nice Jewish Quarter to visit. I spent the entire day visiting the different Synagogues. Each one comes with its own unique history and stunning architecture. The quarter has been declared a UNESCO World Heritage Site since 1992, and is home to one of the oldest operating temples in Europe. I spent the day just enjoying the architecture and although I have notes about all the facts for each one, I have no idea where I put them. One day I’ll come back to this if I ever find those notes.

The first on the list was the Old/New Synagogue. It was built in 1270 and according to prague.eu/en/objevujte/old-new-synagogue-staronova-synagoga:

Legend says that the ancestors of the Prague Jews built the Old New Synagogue as long as two thousand years ago, after the destruction of the so called Second Temple in Jerusalem (which happened in the year 70 A.D.) Hewn blocks from the shattered Jerusalem sanctuary were brought to Prague by heavenly angels, who built a beautiful chapel here. When the Messiah comes to gather the children of Israel, the angels will bring the blocks back to Jerusalem to build a new Jerusalem sanctuary, the third already.

The next Synagogue I visited was the Pinkas Synagogue. It was built in 1479 and is the entrance to the cemetery. This Synagogue has been turned into a memorial for the 77,297 Jews who died in the Holocaust. The names of all the victims cover the walls of the temple as a reminder that their memory will always be a blessing.

I continued the tour and wandered to the Maisel Synagogue. This one was built in the 16th century. It is now a museum and collection of all things Jewish culture.

The next on the list was the Klausen Synagogue, which is the largest of the collection in the quarter. It was built in 1694, and focused on Jewish cultures and traditions.

I followed this by a walk to the Spanish Synagogue, which was built in 1868 and looks a lot like the Alhambra in Spain.

I enjoyed the tour of the quarter and spending some time with the culture. It was nice to see people actually taking in all of the names of the people who died and seeing how important the culture is to the city.

It was a great way to end the trip. I highly recommend that people visit Prague. The food is good, the people are lovely and the city is easy to navigate with no shortage of history.

The Scamp in Prague, Czech Republic

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After the first day in Prague, I spent the next couple of days exploring parts of the city and visiting the zoo. I know that people have a lot of thoughts about zoos, but the Prague Zoo was well kept and maintained and provided a good way to spend the day. It was easy to get to on public transport, and had a lot of my favourite animals on display.

The sea lions were hilarious and the show was great. Well worth a viewing.

In addition to the zoo, I walked all over the city. This included going over the Charles Bridge, Prague Castle and a sex museum.

The castle is atop a hill that gives views of the entire city. It was a cloudy grey day, but I bet in the spring time, it is absolutely beautiful. I thought I could do the castle without doing a tour, but on hindsight, I should have joined a tour. There was so much to see and not all of it marked, so there are a few things that I couldn’t identify. The castle took 600 years to complete, and people that broke law were chucked out the windows of the castle….a pretty nifty alternative to jail.

After the castle, I wandered down to a garden that I saw and found the Dripstone wall, which looked like a giant rock wall of faces. The gardens are part of the Wallenstein Palace, which was built in 1623. The gardens were home to some really cool birds, and a really creepy wall.

My last stop of the day was at the best shop in the entire city, The Duck Boutique. That’s right, an entire store full of rubber ducks. I only bought two, but would have bought 1 of everything if I had the money.

I took home a Prague Beer duck and a giant unicorn for my collection.

The Scamp in Prague, Czech Republic

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In April 2023, I decided that I needed another trip out of Scotland. I’d always heard good things about Prague and knew it would be easy to explore solo. I packed my overnight bag, booked a hotel room and spent Easter weekend in the capital of the Czech Republic.

The city is known for good beer, a number of museums, and my favourite, a large Jewish quarter. There are around 1.5 million people that live in Prague and I remember it from my history days as a place where the Habsburgs and the 30 Years War.

I arrived on Good Friday and stayed in the Old Town at the Century Old Town Prague – MGallery. The hotel was great, it was very modern with a huge comfy bed, and it was right next to a big mall and public transportation. I spend most of my time walking when I am in other countries, but it was nice to know that there was a tram and buses if I needed.

The first thing I did was go to the Prague Municipal Library to see the Idiom Installation. According to Atlas Obscura:

For bibliophiles, an infinite tower of books is a nightmare disguised as a dream—a huge collection of literature that you can’t get at because pulling a book or two out will cause the collapse of the tower. But it does make for a wonderful sight.

A real-life iteration of this dream-nightmare is on display at the Prague Municipal Library. Artist Matej Kren’s “Idiom” is a long-term art installation where hundreds of books are stacked in a cylindrical tower. Mirrors placed at the bottom and the top give the exhibit the illusion of being infinite. A tear-shaped opening on one side of the tower allows visitors to peek in and experience what it would be like to drown in a book well.

It is a cool installation, but the 10 minutes in line was not totally worth it. To cheer myself up I got a really nice brat and some amazing chimney cake and sat in the square watching all the Good Friday celebrations. There was music, crafts and lots of good food.

Once my belly was full, I took myself to One Love Tattoo Praha. I make no secret about how much I love tattoos and getting tattooed in other countries, but I am also very particular about where I go. Because the trip was planned last minute, I didn’t have time to actually book in a session like I normally would, but this shop was highly rated and did walk-ins. When I stepped into the shop, not only were the people in the shop super cool and ridiculously nice, but they agreed to fit me in right then. I asked for a small tattoo that they all thought was cute, and the tattoo was so soothing that I fell asleep while it was being done. I cannot recommend the shop enough. The prices are great, the artwork is amazing, and the artists and people working in the shop are a great time. I’m not vain enough to need people to like my tattoos, but I do like it when even the artist has fun with it.

On my way back to the hotel for the evening, I stopped to see the Astronautical Clock that is attached to the Old Town Hall. The clock was first installed in 1410 and is the 3rd oldest in the world, and the oldest one still in operation. According to Wikipedia:

The Orloj is mounted on the southern wall of Old Town Hall in the Old Town Square. The clock mechanism has three main components – the astronomical dial, representing the position of the Sun and Moon in the sky and displaying various astronomical details; statues of various Catholic saints stand on either side of the clock; “The Walk of the Apostles“, an hourly show of moving Apostle figures and other sculptures, notably a figure of a skeleton that represents Death, striking the time; and a calendar dial with medallions representing the months. According to local legend, the city will suffer if the clock is neglected and its good operation is placed in jeopardy; a ghost, mounted on the clock, was supposed to nod its head in confirmation. According to the legend, the only hope was represented by a boy born on New Year’s night.[3]

I ended my first day in a nice big bed and Netflix, which was just the break from work that I needed.

The Scamp in Luang Prabang, Laos

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As hard as it was to leave the elephants in Chiang Mai, I moved on to my final destination of Luang Prabang, Laos.

The city means Royal Buddha Image and is a dedicated World Heritage site. According to Wikipedia, ‘It was listed in 1995 for unique and “remarkably” well preserved architectural, religious and cultural heritage, a blend of the rural and urban developments over several centuries, including the French colonial influences during the 19th and 20th centuries.’ I only had one afternoon and one full day in the city, but after so much time away, I was ready to make the journey home.

I stayed at the Villa Chitdara, which was an amazing guest house nestled in a little jungle. I was told that the sunset from the top of Mount Phou Si. I climbed the 100m hill to the top and even though I was a sweaty mess, it was worth it for the view.

There is a large market that runs every day with trinkets and things for tourists and food for the locals. There are no grocery stores, so they come to the market to get what they need. I got some jewellery and had a good laugh at all the shirts and then enjoyed a good dinner and some local beer.

The next day I met my tour guide Bee and our driver. We started with a tour of the palace and a walk through the market to see the parts of it that are important to the locals. I really liked listening to Bee. He was soft spoken and funny, probably in his early 40s. He asked me if I wanted to buy a rat or some larva for breakfast, and I was not even the least bit tempted.

From there we went outside the city to Ban Ouray, a Hmong village. I really enjoyed visiting the village because there is a large Hmong population in Merced, where I did my undergrad degree. As part of a core course, we all had to read The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down about a family in Merced. The book details language, cultural and medical struggles that happen between Western medicine and the Hmong beliefs.

We stopped in a couple of small villages, including one that made buffalo ice cream, and then made our final stop at the Kuang Si Falls. I love a good walk through the jungle and visiting anything water related. We went on a small hike and saw some bears and I got to jump into the water for a bit. While I was drying off, I chatted with Bee about his kids and what he liked to do when he wasn’t working. He asked me about my tattoos and I showed him the one I got in Thialand.

I ended the day looking at the bamboo bridge that connects different parts of the city, and although you can go across it, since I was by myself, I didn’t chance it. I spent the evening packing up and getting ready for the long trek home…..and that was an adventure in itself.

I really enjoyed my time in Southeast Asia, and the tour that Realistic Asia set up for me. I felt safe the entire time, and having the guides to show me around made all of the difference. I would like to go back and see more of Vietnam and Laos because I did not get to spend enough time in either of those countries, but I am so glad that I was fortunate enough to be able to spend the end of 22, start of 23 on my little adventure.

The Scamp at the Elephant Jungle Sanctuary, Chiang Mai

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This was the best part of the trip for me, and the best way to end a crappy year. My guide set it up for me when I got to the city, and a somewhat questionable van picked me up the day after the tattoo. I was carefully wrapped and protected from the sun and set off into the jungle to visit the Elephant Jungle Sanctuary. The sanctuary is different from most of the touristy places because the elephants have all been rescued from terrible situations, and rather than ride them, you give them a spa day. Founded in 2014, they pride themselves on how well they love and care for their elephants. The whole thing was amazing from start to finish and an elephant mud bath does wonders for the soul. I did not want to leave, and still dream about little Ellie, the baby of the group.

Elephants love bananas and hay and are so friendly. They are so much bigger in person and getting in the river with them was a bit scary at first. The best part of this process is that they do this every day, so when they are done with the mud bath, they just get up and move on to the creek to wash off. When they feel they are clean enough, they leave the creek and go back to their waiting area. They are not penned and roam through the camps as they want. The sanctuary also takes photos so that no one misses out on the spa photo ops.

When I returned to the city, I thought about just staying in my hotel room and watching a movie. The city is really safe, so I decided to take the walk to the centre of town and watch the New Years show and send 2022 out on a positive note.

I enjoyed some street food and a lot of different types of ice cream, including honey ice cream made from fresh honey. The show had different performers and a lantern festival where people release their problems into the sky so that they can start the new year fresh. The countdown to the new year was done by the mayor and some other important city figures.

Getting out of the city centre was tough with all the people trying to leave through one gate, and there were a couple of moments that freaked me out given that I don’t do well in large crowds. There was a very nice couple behind me that helped me get through without too much of a panic, and then I had just enough wifi at the hotel to call my parents and tell them that 2022 did in fact end, and I was in fact alive.

I thought 2023 was going to be a good year having survived the death of a second brother, but the universe had other ideas.

The Scamp in Chiang Mai, Thailand

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Chiang Mai is the largest city in Northern Thailand, and to be perfectly honest, until I got the full itinerary for the trip, it was not a place I wanted to visit. I quickly changed my mind when I got there though. Chiang Mai was founded in 1296, and is currently home to 127,000 people. The city is home to 17 important Buddhist temples (also called Wats), and they are all fairly close together and easy to walk to.

I knew I was coming up on the end of the trip, and me being me, I really wanted to get a tattoo. Thailand is a really safe place to get tattooed and the country is known for its artistry. I did some research when I got to Chiang Mai and found Celebrity Ink Chiang Mai. The reviews of the shop were great, and they took walk-ins, so I made my way through the city to see what I could do.

I’m very picky about where I get tattooed and have left shops because I did not like the way that artists spoke to me. When I found the shop, the owner happened to be outside having a break, and immediately asked me if he could help. He had someone that could do a walk-in, and loved the geometric elephant that I wanted. The shop was clean and everyone in there, even the other clients were so nice. Once I got my elephant, I walked through the main square and enjoyed all of the lights and music. They were in the process of getting ready for New Year’s Eve, and there were a lot of people out and about enjoying the warm weather.

I went back to the hotel early because I was going to be up bright an early the next day to do what every animal lover wants to do for the day: hang out with elephants.