Month: July 2013

The Scamp Hurts Herself to Prove a Point

Posted on by erranteditor

I went to the dentist today. I’m not a huge fan of the dentist (insert widely inappropriate joke about not liking things in my mouth), but my mama kicked me in the butt and made me go. I haven’t been to a dentist in about 3 years, and the last time I was there was less than pleasant. The pain pill I take sucks the calcium out of your body, causing my teeth to literally rot from the inside out. I had a fair amount of work done during my last visit, and the thought of having to do that again with no insurance scared me. The dentist’s office was running a special on cleanings though, and so off I went early this morning to get my chompers checked. Lucky for me no cavities and no scary gum disease or degeneration (probably the only good thing about asshole David is that he has stronger love for flossing than he does anything else. He got me to floss regularly, and my gums and teeth are happy for that much).

 

….but I digress.

As part of the visit today I had to fill out a complete medical history. I had to list my illness and all of my medications. I just figured they wanted to make sure that I wasn’t going to spontaneously combust while sitting in the chair.

The hygienist who took care of me today was a really great girl about my age. We chatted about Scotland, about how she once wanted to be a teacher, and about how scary life is without insurance. While we were waiting for the dentist she mentioned the Lupus and asked me all kinds of questions about being diagnosed, being treated, and being tired all the time. She told me that she had never met a person with Lupus before and that she is in the middle of being tested for it. She is worried because she shows a lot of the symptoms, but doesn’t really know a whole lot ab out the disease. I did my best to reassure her that it wasn’t the end of the world. I told her that if she did have it she would get used to being tired,  that there were plenty of options for exercise, and that my life was pretty normal. She laughed and said she was glad to hear that because her mother-in-law is a nurse and told her if she did in fact have Lupus it would ruin her life. I laughed and promised her that it  wasn’t the end of the world.

and now to the part where I hurt myself to prove a point…..

The gym has become my daily break from writing. I go and do yoga or rowing and sweat for an hour. It has become a stress reliever as well as a change of scenery from the tiki masks in my office. I was feeling uninspired today so I went to the gym to do some yoga and see if I could find my focus. When I got to the gym though, I just kept thinking about what the hygienist said about her life being ruined if she had Lupus.

Was my life ruined? Sure, most days I am too tired to really want to get out of bed, but insomnia keeps me from sleeping, the joints in my fingers are so swollen I can’t get my rings off, and increased stress can cause me to lapse into a down cycle that makes me cranky, sore and a general pain in the ass to be around, but my life isn’t ruined….is it?

My aches and pains usually keep me from doing any strenuous workouts. I’m not supposed to be on treadmills, or lifting a lot of heavy weights. Since the pool was closed today, I hopped on a treadmill and decided that I was going to run until I was no longer focused on the stress of my paper or the potential ruin that was my life.  3 miles later (which may not seem like a lot, but for a girl who hates running is a lot) I was sweating, out of breath, and immediately regretting my decision.

4 hours, a hot shower and some iced knees later and I am still regretting it. There is a reason why my doctor told me not to do anything strenuous. The worst part of all of this is I have run out of pain pills. I can’t see my doc for another 2 weeks (not that I am counting) and I can’t really take Aleve because it causes me to bruise, so I should be taking it easy, but just had to prove to myself that I wasn’t ruined despite already knowing that I wasn’t.

On the upside, a small discussion of my analysis and a conclusion is all that separates me from a complete dissertation. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I will now be glued to my desk chair so that I can finish it tonight, and start the editing process tomorrow.

I also think I will skip the gym….

A Scamp and Her Best Ideas

Posted on by erranteditor

All my best ideas come to me in the shower. I’ve plotted many an act of revenge, a night on the town, and even several drafts of my plot for world domination under the spray of hot water.

Today was no exception. I have been struggling for two days to finish the analysis section of my paper. I’m tired of looking at the same four pictures, tired of trying to find academic sounding ways to say one book is racist and one is a little less racist. I have been fighting the wall of analysis and the headache that comes from staring at a computer screen for eight-ten hours a day. I took a break to movie hop with the mama and the sister, and during my afternoon off I ate popcorn, Skittles and red vines until I thought my stomach was going to protest. Needless to say, I came home in no mood to work.

The shower saved the day though. It was in the middle of conditioning my hair when I finally figured out how I can save my analysis and get my word count back down to a manageable level. I spent the last two hours working and got things back on track. With four days until the deadline to be completely done with my paper, and two sections still to write, it is clear that I have my work cut out for me.

That’s what tomorrow’s for.

berry-break-26-3

The Scamp Down For the Count

Posted on by erranteditor

Right now I have about as much sex appeal as a camel….with gingivitis. My body hurts. The joints in my hands are so stiff and sore that I can’t make a fist, and I’m walking like an 80 year old woman.

I feel like an 80 year old woman. I’m not much of a complainer when it comes to my health, but today I am complaining. I have been feeling icky for a week, but it seems to be getting worse. Most days the pain doesn’t bother me too much, but the pain in my hands and wrists is making it hard for me to sit at the computer all day and work on my dissertation. I am still about 5,000 words from my goal, and I have a literature review to edit, and instead of working, I am laying in bed trying to both not move and get comfortable at the same time. I have about 10 days left until I would like to be done with the dissertation and into the final editing stage.

I just have to make it that far.

This time last year I would call the doctor and go see him to get some extra pain meds and to make sure that there isn’t something seriously wrong with me.

This time though, I am not really doing anything about it because I do not have insurance, and definitely don’t have the $300 just to see the doctor and then the $75 or more that it will take to fill the prescriptions. American is a scary place to be without health insurance. Everyone keeps going on and on about how great Obamacare is, but considering I can’t apply for it until October, and then I  might not get covered for another 6 months, I fail to see how great it is. Trying to figure out how to get my own insurance from a healthcare provider is proving equally as challenging. I require regularly scheduled maintenance, and most plans only offer a certain number of covered visits. The first three months of being covered would max me out. The plans that do offer more visits are a lot more expensive, and might not still be valid when Obamacare actually kicks in.

I may have hated being in San Diego, and I may not have always loved my job, but the insurance coverage I got was amazing. I could afford the payments, doctor visits were never a problem, and the price of meds was rarely over $10.  I wish I could have that kind of coverage for a price that didn’t make me want to cry.

This is another moment when I miss Scotland. I miss being able to see the doc and fill my prescriptions without having to spend a dollar and worry about my amount of coverage.

If only the doctors here would take my Scottish insurance.

In the meantime, I am going to guzzle Aleve like it is candy and try not to stress about the fact that I only have 4 pain pills left.

 

A Scamp and a Quote

Posted on by erranteditor

“In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth. At least, that’s what they say. He created the birds of the air and the beasts of the field, and he looked at his creation and he saw that it was good. And then god created man, and it’s been downhill ever since. The story goes on to say that God created man in his own image, but there’s not much proof of that. After all, God made the sun and the moon and the stars, and all man makes is trouble. And when man finds himself in trouble, which is most of the time, he turns to something bigger than himself, to love or fate or religion. To make sense of it all. ” Dr. Miranda Bailey

 

The world is going crazy…and for what?

I’m moving to a deserted island….with a puppy….and a pygmy goat….and a hedgehog….and a chinchilla, and my kitteh.

 

 

The Scamp Visits the Library

Posted on by erranteditor

When I got robbed at Christmas, one of the things that was taken from me was the book that I am using for my dissertation. It was written by a well known author and poet, and not hard to find, but because it isn’t in print anymore, the copies of the book are quite expensive. Since I didn’t get any money from insurance (all of that went to the robot) I did not replace my copy.

Thank sweet baby Jesus for public libraries.

The La Habra library had a copy of the book, and a quick search of the database this morning let me know that the copy was available. The mama and I went over to the library this morning to get the book so I can start the analysis of part of my project. I love the La Habra library. I grew up there. I volunteered for a literacy organization that  operated out of the conference room there. I worked there for four years while I was in high school. I have read most of the books on the shelves.

When we went in today, I knew exactly where the book was going to be. I started my library career in charge of maintaining the children’s section, and since the layout of the library hasn’t changed in 20 years, I just about knew what shelf the book would be on. When I got to the shelf though….no book. Since the books are shelved in alphabetical order by author, I knew I was in the right section. I looked through the books on the shelf thinking maybe it was just stuck between other books (after all, not every little kid in this city…or some adults for that matter, understand the alphabet).

Nothing. I knew from my earlier search that there are copies of the book at most of the libraries in Orange County, and getting a copy wouldn’t be a problem, but I was there, and I really didn’t want to have to shelp across town to another library. Since I have so much experience in libraries, I looked on the surrounding shelves and finally found the book, not shelves with the SOT books, but with the SHI books.

Really?

If it was just Chato’s Kitchen that was in mis-shelved, I would have been okay. The problem was though, all of Gary Soto’s books were shelved there, suggesting that the library page re-shelving the books did not properly learn their ABCs. This both annoys me and makes me laugh because I was fired from the library when I was a senior in high school because the head librarian was convinced that I didn’t know how to read the numbers on the books. She thought the disorganization and chaos that plagued the library was due to me, and had nothing to do with the fact that many people in the city are barely literate in their first language let alone English and had no concept of the Dewey decimal system, or that the library is down the street from the local middle school and the kids like to hang out there after school and mess up shelves and basically run amok in the stacks. Nooooooooooooooooooooooo, it was my fault. When I left she suggested I get my eyes checked for a possible deficiency.

I cried in my car when it happened, but it has since because one of the better jokes in my family. I even wrote a short story about it for a creative writing class in college. To this day, I still consider it some of my best work.

I’m happy that I found the book, and that I can move into the next phase of my project, but I am still stressing a bit about the time. I haven’t heard from my supervisor in a week, and since she has yet to look over my literature review, I am a bit worried. I have about two weeks left before I need to be done writing and on to final edits and proofreading. With the final deadline fast approaching I am about to become even more of a hermit than I already am.

I will be very happy when this paper is done.

The Scamp as a Scientist or Spy

Posted on by erranteditor

In an attempt to cure my academic writer’s block, I have been reading books about how to structure a research project. I thought that if I understood the process better then I would be able free my mind from the self made prison and get some work done. When reading the chapter on design frames, I came across a section called “Scientist or Spy?” The section makes the claim that there are two camps for social scientists: the traditional scientist that runs experiments, quantifies data, and works in a lab (or basically, indoors). The other camp is the spy: the researcher who hides in bushes and observes people in their natural habitat. The spy is the one who blends in with crowd, talking to them, learning from them, and studying them as they are. The spy is out in the field, observing, listening, and learning.

Basically, the spy is the one who gets to have all of the fun.

That made me think, am I the scientist or the spy?

Right now, I am not feeling like very much of either. I am not the mad scientist type (crazy cat lady, that’s a different story), and right now I am no Harriet the Spy, with no cases to crack or mysteries to solve (plus hiding in bushes makes me itchy). Part of what is holding me up in the writing process lately is that I don’t have the answer to that question. My research for this project is keeping me at my desk, but the research I have been doing for the last couple years with the writing class has me in the field watching my students in their somewhat native habitat. There are aspects of both that I like. My desk based research is interesting because it allows me to form my own opinions about what I am reading, and the research that I am doing on the writing class allows me the freedom to try out different techniques and teaching styles to see what works and what doesn’t. I also get a chance to interact with my students and let them have a hand in helping shape curriculum that will ultimately affect them and their writing careers.

I’m staled in my writing about my methods and methodology because I haven’t figured out which one I am and why. I can’t write that I chose the structure of my project because it is easy and because I am in two grad programs at once, and I don’t want to make up some bullshit that isn’t true just to get to my word count. I got to 500 word today, but my goal is another 1000 by Sunday.

I have a feeling it is going to be a long weekend.

In the meantime, I will just look at these pictures over and over. They make me feel better about life.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ariellecalderon/bambi-the-dachshund-is-guaranteed-to-bring-infinite-joy-to-y

The Scamp Has Academic Writer’s Block

Posted on by erranteditor

For three days not a word has been written for my dissertation. Not one. No chapter headings, no subheadings, no quotes from the abundance of research I have at my fingertips…nothing. I was supposed to spend the week working on my literature review. I’ve been working on it for a couple of weeks, and it is holding me back from the rest of my project. I have about three weeks before I need to have it done, and so far, the introduction is the only thing that is complete.

I’m not sure what it is about the literature review that has me stressing out, but I am stressing out big time. After staring at it for the last three days without really being able to see what I wrote, I decided to send it to my supervisor as is and let her rip it apart so I can put it back together. She helped me make my introduction better, so I am hoping that she can work her magic on the literature review.

The next part of the paper to be written is the methods section. Basically all I have to do is justify my project, outline the way I analyzed the two children’s stories, and justify why I chose Chato’s Kitchen and Skippyjon Jones. This should be an easy section to write. I know why I want to do this research, I know exactly how I am going to analyze the visual and written texts of the stories, and I even know why I wanted to look at these two particular books (Well, okay, one was one of my favorite books growing up, and the other one is about a spunky Siamese cat who thinks he is a chihuahua….who wouldn’t enjoy reading and analyzing that?). I’ve done my research on the design I am setting up, and should be able to knock out 3,000 words on this easy.

When I sit down at my computer though…nothing. Not one things. I keep getting distracted. I literally cannot figure out how to get the thoughts in my brain to words on the page. I have tried everything I can think of to fix this. The house is clean, my laundry is done, Kelly’s house is clean…even my car is clean. I’ve done hours of yoga, watched cat videos and even tried to write out my chapter longhand while sitting at the pool. Now, everything around me is clean and I have a good tan, but I still have a blank page.

I guess I have to go back to the research and read how other people wrote about their research designs. Maybe something will jog the academic writing part of my brain and get me back on track. I’m going to start with the article I read by Misty Sailor.

Yep. That’s her name. When I start my stripper career, I am going to borrow that name. What a perfect stripper name. Poor woman is never going to be taken seriously in the field of education. Not as long as people like me are part of the field and see her name and think of this song:

 

A Scamp and Cars

Posted on by erranteditor

I’ve been doing a lot of driving lately. I used to love being in the car. I spent a lot of time as the DD in college, and always loved the chance to drive my friends’ cars. When I was home visiting my parents, I would drive my mommy around running errands or going to dinner. I spent most of high school driving Kelly everywhere because she refused to get a licence. The craziest thing I did was drive an hour and a half one way to work two days a week. I’d put on a podcast, cruise to work and enjoy my drive along the coast (okay, that had more to do with my want to teach and not my love of driving).

When I moved to Scotland though, I stopped driving. I practically stopped taking any form of public transportation altogether. I fell in love with walking….even in the snow. I still listened to podcasts, but now instead of driving way too fast down the freeway, I was walking  up and down hills and down quite streets. I learned how to walk in wind without getting knocked over, learned how to avoid ice patches, and how to really use my feet as a mode of transportation. I fell in love with walking. I decided that when I came back to the States, I would try and walk wherever and whenever I could.

Of course, that plan went out the window. Brea, and California in general is not really set up for people who like to walk. Sure, San Francisco is a good place for that, but one city not really enough to sway me. I find myself in the car a lot, and besides being expensive, I found that I have lost my defensive driving urge.  Since I have been home I have been cut off more times than I can count, just about rear ended and sideswiped, sat on a closed freeway so cops could finish a car chase and  got hit by a guy on a bike (I also busted one of my mother’s tires, but I would like to think that it was the nail that did it, and not me). A 20 minute drive to the gym is now enough to give me a headache.

I miss walking. I never got hurt walking.

There is another reason that I don’t really like cars right now. I lost a cousin in a car crash yesterday. She was only 23. I had only met her once, but she was really friendly and had a great personality. She was newly married and has a 3 month old son. Her husband has a broken leg and pelvis, and a broken heart thinking he killed his wife. He keeps thinking that if he didn’t take her out for the first time since their son was born, none of this would have happened. I can’t imagine how much pain he is in right now.

This is why I miss walking. While I know that it is just as easy to get hurt walking, people are so careless with their driving around here that driving gets more and more stressful.If you crash into someone while you are walking, chances are, damage will be minimal. If you crash into someone with your car, chances are the damage will be much more severe.

My family is small, and seems to be getting smaller everyday. So I ask, lovely readers, please be careful when you drive and be nice to your family, no matter how crazy they make you.

The Scamp and Some Edits

Posted on by erranteditor

mc-random-331

 

 

I have one week to get my literature review in some sort of order to send to my supervisor. The words are written, they just have to be worked into a coherent set of sentences that tell an awesome story of children’s literature, picture books, critical literacy, critical media studies and the use of all of those in primary school classrooms.

The problem is, every time I sit down to get something written today, I get distracted by something on the internet. I’ve already browsed my favorite fashion site looking for a dress to wear to a wedding (it’s this one in case anyone is curious http://www.modcloth.com/shop/dresses/midnight-sun-dress), stalked people on Facebook, and played two rounds of Sushi Cat.

For the last hour I have been looking into traveling and how many body parts I’d have to sell (or how many sugar daddies I would have to acquire) to make it happen.  I’m sort of attached to most of my body parts though, so I am thinking that finding an old man who would like to invest his money in something (or in this case someone) worthwhile. I’d use the money to pay off all of my loans and pay my tuition for the next couple of years, so technically I wouldn’t be spending the money on something frivolous. I’d use the money I make (assuming I can find a job) to go on adventures.

Right now I am itching for an adventure.