The Scamp and the Gratitude Challenge: Week 52

Posted on by erranteditor

There are only two days left in 2015 and I have come to the end of the gratitude challenge. Week 52 is dedicated to reflection on the last year.

Did the challenge change me?

I’d really like to say yes. I’d like to say that I am now a more open and grateful person, and that the dark and twisty days are few and far between. The thing is though, I don’t feel any different. I feel like the same old me I was this time last year. I’m still in the grips of depression, still get moments of the dark and twisty, and more often than not, I would not focus on the good in my life until I sat down to write my weekly post as part of the challenge.

While the challenge made not have changed me, it certainly did save me. This time last year I was scheduling meetings with academic departments and people way above my paygrade to hear my fate in the EdD programme. I knew that I was going to get the boot, and I knew that my dream of earning a doctorate in the United States was over. I was feeling lower than low and had no idea what I was going to do with the rest of my life.

I was broken. My mother would pretend to need help with errands and chores to make sure that I got out of bed, and she would text me several times throughout the day to make sure I was still alive (to be fair, even in my deepest dark and twisty, I never reached that point). I went nowhere and saw no one. I celebrated the new year with the wombmate and her friends, but I felt out of place and awkward.

Taking some time each week to remind myself that there was still good in my world, that there were at least 52 things to be grateful for (and in this case, I was able to make a list of 100) was a great break from the dark and twisty. It was fairly easy to think about what memory, person, place, or thing fit the criteria for the challenge, and for an hour or so a week, I was solely focused on the positive. I know that I started more than one post of the challenge by saying that I needed the post to help get me out of my funk.

2015 was not my year. Not my year at all. Yes, there was some really great things that came from it, I am currently in my own flat, in Scotland. I am relatively healthy, I have a job that I like and a job that provides a little extra cash, and people around me that love and care about me, but on the whole, 2015 was a shit year.

I’m happy to be rid of it. It is too early to say what 2016 will be like, but I am guessing that it will be a whole lot more exciting.

 

The Scamp’s 100 Things

Posted on by erranteditor

The challenge this week is to make a list of 100 things that I am thankful for. Since I have been in the dark and twisty pretty hard core this week, I am going to enjoy making this list and focusing on all of the amazing things in my life that make me grateful. I have been a pain in the ass. I’m anxious, mopey, and have spent too much time by myself to be a good person. I am gearing up for Christmas, and I hoping that some fresh air, time out of Scotland, and time away from all things academic will do me some good. The weather has been crazy warm here lately (55 degrees!) so I am hoping that it is that way in the Emerald Isle as well.

So, I have a glass of wine, I’m wrapped in a blanket, and I am going to try and create a list of 100 things that I am grateful for. Some will be silly, some will strange, and most will be exactly what people expect from me. I do not expect people to read all 100. In fact, this is mostly for me. There is only one challenge left after this one, and to be honest, it doesn’t seem like it has been 52 weeks since I started the challenge. Talk about time flying. I think I am going to find another challenge to work through to make the next year pass just as quickly. I liked that this challenge was focused on reminding me what I have to be grateful for, so I may look for something that is similar to keep the dark and twisty at bay.

 

  1. My family. This should come to no surprise to anyone. My family makes me laugh, stood by me when I was going through some serious shit with CSUF, and has never once made me feel guilty about packing up my life and moving 5,143 miles to start a life. They are by far my favourite people, and while it was extremely difficult to move so far from them, I am lucky enough that we text, Skype, and message each other enough that it doesn’t really feel like we are separated.

 

  1. My friends. Again, no one should be surprised by this. I have some pretty amazing friends. They have sent me presents, jokes, laughs, good vibes, and provided me a lot of comfort when I have been at my lowest. With the exception of lately, I have not been lonely here in Scotland. When I have though, I have people who have dropped everything to help me out, check on me, and distract me from how I am feeling. It is my Irish bestie who offered to take me home for Christmas to be with her family since I am not going back to California until the end of February. I think part of the reason my move back to Scotland was so smooth was because I had a good circle of people who were already here.

 

  1. Scotland saved my life. Literally. The first time I came here in 2012, I knew that I was going to live here. I have felt more at home here than any place I have ever lived. I cannot really explain what it is about this island that makes me feel so at home, but even on my worst day here, and even when the dark and twisty sneaks in, I can go for a walk to the city centre and see the castle, hear the mix of accents, and surround myself with history. When I went back to the US in 2013 I never found a way to readjust to life there. I spent two years feeling like I was a zombie just drifting through my existence. I was in a horrible programme, I did not have much of a social circle, and I barely had enough money to pay my bills. While I am not living like a queen here, I am pretty comfortable for the moment.

 

  1. Travel. If I do not get to travel then I get itchy. Really really itchy. I have been lucky enough to travel all over the world. My mom has funded some of it, I have saved and scrimped for some, and because I have the most amazing friends, I have been offered places to stay and tour guides around their cities. I am the happiest when I am traveling. I love the adventure, and I love the way I feel when I am wandering around a new place.

 

  1. Technology. Being able to stay in touch with everyone through texting, skyping and FB has been amazing. It is a large part of why this move has been so painless.

 

  1. Mark Huxham. He is my supervisor for the PhD. He took a chance on me, and made it possible for me to come back to Scotland. He might have saved my life.

 

  1. Modern medicine. I have Lupus. But, if I did not tell people, I doubt anyone would know. I get checked by doctors regularly, I take my meds, and stick to a good diet. I have been very very very lucky that I have not had any major issues so far.

 

  1. National Insurance. It may not be perfect, and I may get frustrated with it sometimes, but man am I grateful for it. Not paying for medication is a huge stress off my shoulders.

 

  1. Yoga. Enough said.

 

  1. Sunshine. I may be in the land of no sun, but man oh man do I love it when it comes out here. I will also love it when I am in California and Texas and get to enjoy it.

 

  1. Tea. Hug in a cup.

 

  1. American peanut butter.

 

  1. Trail mix. Even when I am not hungry, a handful of that makes me feel better.

 

  1. Solid public transportation. I rarely miss having a car. I also enjoy the view from the top of the double decker bus.

 

  1. Books. When I get sad, I curl up with a book and I can escape a bit.

 

  1. My kitties. I miss them all the time. I wish I could have them here with me.

 

  1. Cat videos. Kinda like the next best thing when I can’t have mine with me.

 

 

  1. Ice Cream. I haven’t had any in a while, but the beast bar (a chocolate bar dipped in chocolate ice cream, covered in chocolate) is the best pound I will ever spend.

 

  1. My Ipod. It makes my commute so much more bearable when I can listen to my favourite songs or a podcast.

 

  1. Loveline. Someone is going to read this and laugh, but man oh man do I love this show. I listen to the old shows with Adam Carolla, and the current day ones. People are crazy, and I always feel a little less crazy listening to the show.

 

  1. Therapy. This really should be higher on the list. The only reason I survived for two years in the States was because of weekly therapy sessions.

 

  1. Flower hair clips. I have a collection of flower hair clips that I wear when I am feeling homesick, or when I want to stand out a little.

 

  1. I love each and every tattoo that I have. There is a good story behind each one, and I feel like they make me a whole heck of a lot more interesting.

 

  1. Strawberries. Possibly the best fruit ever. I love that you can get them all year round here.

 

  1. Tortillas from California. Seriously. Heaven.

 

  1. Easy Mac. The ultimate comfort food.

 

  1. My space heater. It has been cold here, but I have to say, it hasn’t been horrible yet for me thanks to my little portable heater.

 

  1. Yogadownload.This is an amazing collection of yoga classes in all types of styles, lengths, and skill sets. I may be lagging on my practice, but I will never run out of options for classes to take.

 

  1. My camera. I bought it before I moved back to Scotland, and it was totally worth every penny.

 

  1. Pirate Rubber Chicken. It may have started as a joke, but I really love taking chicken places and sending him to my friends to do crazy things. Most people really get into it and have a good time being ridiculous with PRC.

 

  1. Naps. Sometimes it is the only way I get through a day.

 

  1. Inside jokes with the wombmate.

 

  1. Who am I kidding…..the word wombmate. It is so much better than just calling her my sister.

 

  1. Tugboat. The very first car I ever bought. I love that beast.

 

  1. Swimming. I miss being in the water, but I love the peace I get when I have a chance to swim.

 

  1. Student discounts. Sometimes it is nice to save a few pounds on a movie ticket or a meal.

 

  1. Care packages from home. Getting mail always makes my day a little better.

 

  1. Second chances. I have had my fair share of second chances from people and from life, and seriously, sometimes that is all I need to get it right.

 

  1. 2 minute rice meals. I am a lazy cook sometimes. I can pop one of those in the microwave and add some cheese and salsa and have a meal

 

  1. Bagels and cream cheese. Perfect breakfast for the ultimate lazy eater.

 

  1. I may regret this, but I am enjoying the rain as it comes. I’ve been pretty lucky so far though.

 

  1. My job at the tutoring centre. I may grumble about going into work on a Saturday afternoon/evening, but I really like being with the kids. They make me laugh and it is impossible to be in a bad mood when you are with those kids.

 

  1. Warm socks. My feet get cold very easily, but plenty of warm socks have been purchased for my survival.

 

  1. Boots. I can never have enough pairs.

 

  1. Slippers. Because sometimes I don’t want to wear socks.

 

  1. Anti-depressants. One day I hope to get off of them, but for right now, I am glad I have something to help me with the dark and twisty.

 

  1. Oversized jumpers. Am I wearing a bra? Am I just wearing a sports bra? Have I gained 50 lbs when no one was looking? You don’t know when I have the jumper on.

 

  1. My blog. I have a steady following, which is nice, but even more than that, I like that I can write things down and store it in a place that I can come back to. To be honest, I don’t often go back to read past posts, but it is nice that they are there should I ever want to.

 

  1. My hot water bottle. Lamby keeps me warm. He is also big enough to cuddle.

 

  1. Travel posters. The art that I have collected adds colour to my walls, and makes me feel like I am traveling all the time.

 

  1. Surf videos. For the days when I miss the beach.

 

  1. Fiji lotion. The smell reminds me of my mom, but also makes me tropical.

 

55. Hummingbirds.

  1. Yoga pants. Because I hate real pants.

 

  1. I love celebrity gossip, and I love the sass and snark that comes pops up on that site.

 

  1. Having braces when I was 16. I think I have a fantastic smile, so thanks mom and modern dentistry.

 

  1. My neighbours. The poor couple who live opposite me get to sign for the million and a half things that I order off of Amazon. They have been nothing but nice about it. They just got a puppy, and joked that I can babysit whenever I want.

 

  1. Romance novels. Because sometimes I need to read about hot steamy sex and happy endings.

 

  1. My sound machine app. I can’t handle silence, so I can fall asleep to the sound machine and not my racing thoughts.

 

  1. I have not really had much success yet, but I am grateful that I have so many options to try out and keep myself entertained.

 

  1. My mom’s love for taking pictures of everything. I’m going to want those memories one day.

 

  1. Red Door # 5. It reminds me of my grandma.

 

  1. Clementine scented candles.

 

  1. Bubble bath. Best time to read romance novels.

 

  1. The chance to go to college. I’ve been a student my entire life, and I have been incredibly lucky for the chances that I have had because of it. Being as lucky as I have been has made me want to stay in education.

 

  1. The work of Paulo Freire. If I had not found his work, I am not sure if I would have been able to really explain my view on life.

 

  1. The boyfriends that I’ve had. Some of them sucked, but I learned a lot from each of those relationships, and I have become a better person because of having been with them.

 

  1. Reality TV. Toddlers and Tiaras anyone?

 

  1. Horror movies. I love being scared by something fake rather than something in real life. I have the hardest time not talking to the movie as it plays out, even if I have seen the movie 100 times.

 

  1. My passport. I love being lucky enough to have one and to be able to travel and see the world with little to no restrictions.

 

  1. Motivational posts. I love the Berry and their “Don’t worry, be happy” posts. Sometimes I need the little reminders to stay positive and that life is not as bad as the present moment.

 

  1. Online shopping. I can get everything I need while sitting on my moderately comfy couch. My anti-social nature loves this.

 

  1. Adult colouring books. I have been zenned out for the last two weeks thanks to some colouring books and coloured pencils from my feisty Texan.

 

  1. Culture. One of the things I love most about living here is all of the different people that I come in contact with on a daily basis. I get to learn a lot about people and places. A lot more than I would learn if I was still in California.

 

  1. My flat. It may seem like an odd thing to be grateful for, but it is nicely furnished, I can afford it, and it is in a nice little neighbourhood. It is nice to be living on my own, and it was luck of the universe that I was able to find it.

 

  1. Jumping out of an airplane. I’ve never felt freer in my entire life.

 

  1. Matzo ball soup. A hug in a bowl.

 

  1. Lazy Sundays. I like not having to be anywhere on Sundays.

 

  1. Publishing opportunities. My supervising team believes that I can get published, and believes that what I have to say is important. I grateful even for their support.

 

  1. My 6 year visa. Just in case. I cannot be American if Donald Trump wins.

 

  1. People who offer to help me. Sometimes all I need is the offer to make me feel better. Sometimes I need someone to offer because I am not good about asking for help.

 

  1. Baseball games. If I am watching it live it means an afternoon with my mom. If I am watching it on TV it means I am going to get a really good nap in.

 

  1. Walks at sunset. I like closing out my day in the fresh air. Even though the sun sets at 3:30 right now, come summer, I will have more time to wander to the top of Arthur’s Seat to watch the sunset.

 

  1. Google Maps. Because I am hopeless with directions

 

  1. My little black address book. I like being able to send postcards and gifts to people in the States.

 

  1. Libraries. They provided employment since I was 14, and any place with that many books is alright by me.

 

  1. Used bookshops. Edinburgh is full of them. They are all amazing.

 

  1. Puppies that walk off leash. Strangers hate it when you hug their dogs, but when a puppy wanders up to me, it is all but asking for a bit of a cuddle.

 

  1. That I inherited a good sense of humour. I crack myself up, but I am glad that I can laugh as much as I do.

 

  1. Sour gummy worms. Even when they give me nightmares

 

  1. Peach rings.

 

  1. Snuggles. Sometimes I just need a hug while curled up in bed.

 

  1. UC Merced. A lot happened for me there. A lot of the opportunities that I have been lucky enough to have have come from work I either did, or started there.

 

  1. Home cooked meals. When my friends invite me over for a meal I am in heaven.

 

  1. My mom paying my bills. Again, this should be a lot higher up the list. She has been paying my bills since I was 18, and if she wasn’t helping me out, and didn’t co-sign my loan for my first trip to Scotland, I don’t know where I would be.

 

  1. Autocorrect and spellcheck. I cannot spell prerequisite (I spelled it wrong and used spell check to fix it) to save my life. I’m also still learning British spelling, so the helpful hand is making sure I do not look like a complete fool.

 

  1. My persistence. Who knew I had it in me?

 

  1. The EdD programme at CSUF. If I had not gone through everything I went through in that programme, I would not be sitting on my couch in Edinburgh. That makes every tear I shed, every pound I lost, and every dollar I wasted completely worth it.

The Scamp and the Gratitude Challenge: Week 50

Posted on by erranteditor

I’m a week behind….as usual. The reason I’m only going to play catch-up for this post is that Week 51 is 100 things I am grateful for, and right now, I am having a hard time focusing on one thing.

So, week 50. I’m almost done with the challenge. This is the week that is dedicated to lessons that I have learned in the last year.

What haven’t I learned in the last year? This time last year I was in a meeting at Cal State Fullerton being told that the reason I was not successful in the programme was because I had a bad attitude, and I was forced to come to the realization that incorrectly cited parts of my paper were going to be the straw that broke the camel’s back on what was a horrible two years. I was beyond depressed, I was lonely, I had no money, and I was seriously at a loss for where my life was headed.

Today I woke up in Scotland. While the last couple of weeks have been rough in terms of my depression and anxiety, I am the happiest I have been in years. I’m working on my PhD, I’ve made some new friends and reconnected with some old ones, and have settled into a very very good life. I’m even dating (I promise I did not make him up). Life is not even close to perfect, but it is getting there.

So, what have  I learned this year?

I learned the power of family. My family never once wavered with their support when I was battling the programme, and then when I applied for the job here and decided that I was never going back to the United States. My sister in snark offered me advice and puppy love, and my favoruite Russian gave up her time to be my lawyer and try to minimize the damage done to me personally and professionally. My mom and brother got on a plane to come spend a week with me, and my sister sends me care packages and drops everything on the weekends to Skype with me and tell me that the world is not going to end for me anytime soon.

I learned that even on my lowest days, I have a lot to be grateful for. I started this challenge because things were starting to get bad in the programme and I wanted to try and keep myself from falling into the dark and twisty that was my usual MO. Every week I got to remind myself of something that I liked, someone that inspired me, or somewhere that I have had been lucky enough to visit. Even if it was little things like my favourite type of music, or my favourite type of food, it reminded me of things that I enjoy, and allowed me some distance from the things that I didn’t.

I learned the power of being myself. I’m a flamingo in a flock of pigeons, and every day I am a little more proud of that. I’m a nerd. I like books, I like cat videos, puppies, chocolate, and watching horror movies. I overthink everything, I’m awkward, and I am a true gypsy soul. I believe that store brand American peanut butter tastes better than almost anything else, and a quesadilla will solve all of my problems. I like to shop when I am sad. I am sarcastic, sometimes even when I don’t mean to be. I don’t understand dating. Some people get me, most people don’t….and that is okay (okay, I say okay, but what I really mean is, I want everyone to like me)

I learned that my slow cooking skills need a lot of work. Life goal for the new year: Learn how to use the slow cooker properly.

I learned that all the medication in the world is not going to make me feel as good as fresh air and yoga does. I have not done yoga properly in a month, and I can really feel it. I’m lacking some motivation, but I am hoping that someone can kick my butt into getting it done and staying on a schedule. The weather might be too cold for me to enjoy the fresh air, but my new yoga mat has barely been used, and that is a shame. I need to fix that. Like right now. In fact, I am going to put this on hold and do some yoga.

I learned that I can survive just about anything. Anyone who reads through the last year of posts will know how much I have done, and how there were only a few times that I really wanted to give up. Eventually though all roads led to Edinburgh, and I am a happy happy girl. Now I just have to survive until February when I can go home and get some sunshine and some more of my shoes.

The shoes. They are important. My goal now is to make my list of 100 things I am grateful for before Saturday so that I actually complete the challenge for the week in which it is intended.

 

The Scamp’s First Hanukkah in Scotland

Posted on by erranteditor

I may have to marry Stuart the FedEx guy. Today he brought me a box with my menorah in it. I forgot to have my mom bring it with her when she came to visit a couple of weeks ago, and I was worried that this would be the first year that I did not light candles.

My mother came to the rescue though. She sent it with a box of presents, and it arrived today, night three of Hanukkah.

So what is Hanukkah, you ask? Well, here is the BBC’s short and sweet version. The festival reminds Jews of a time over 2500 years ago when the Jews won a battle against the Greeks to practice their religion freely. The Greeks had banned all Jewish rituals. To celebrate, an oil lamp was lit in a Jewish temple. There was only enough oil to burn for one day – but miraculously it burned for eight days.

This is why the Hanukkah festival lasts for eight days and why light is really important in the celebration. With that in mind, not having my menorah with me was devastating. The first two days when the sun was setting I improvised with pictures from the internet. There is a very very very small number of Jewish people in Scotland, so it is not like I could just go out and buy another one.

But that’s what you do on an adventure; you improvise.

After I got the box I set out on a quest to find candles that fit my menorah. Let me tell you, it was actually easier than I thought it would be. I went to the grocery store first, assuming that they might have something. I took the menorah with me and looked really really really silly in the store trying to see if the selection of candles they had would fit the menorah. None of the traditional candles would work, and the birthday cake candles they had were way too skinny. I moved on to the PoundLand, and as luck would have it, the birthday candles they sell are just the right size!

I loved it. I’m sure I got a lot of funny looks while I was going about this whole process, but I am happy for that little bit of comfort and little bit of tradition that I get to keep here. I know that in a few years I will be smart enough to order candles off the internet and I will laugh at the way I had to piece together my first Hanukkah. I was going to try and make latkas, but I am still a little too traumatized from the slow cooker the other night.

I think that is something for night 8 when I have fully recovered.

2015-12-08 16.05.30-1

The Scamp is a Slow Cooker

Posted on by erranteditor

Betty Crocker I am not. Since the weather has been cold and stormy here lately, I thought that it would be wise for me to buy a slow cooker so that I could make soups and other warm treats to get myself through winter. During Black Friday I bought a nice little Crock Pot and a book of 200 recipes using the slow cooker. I was super jazzed about it. My mom is a slow cooking queen, and I have been having dreams about her homemade chicken noodle soup.

Instead of making chicken noodle soup (which is something that I know how to do) I thought I would make pot roasted chicken with veggies and potatoes. The boy was on night shift this week, so I thought something warm and hearty would be good, and help carry him through his shift. I’ve cooked dinner for him before, and it turned out just fine, so I really thought I had this in the bag.

Boy was I wrong.

So, this is what the meal was supposed to look like:

2015-12-06 20.41.17

It just had to simmer for 5 hours with the veggies, some chicken broth, herbs and lemons. Easy. Really easy.

Here is what it looked like at the start:

2015-12-06 13.54.14

This what it looked like at the end, and I was so grossed out, I couldn’t even serve it. I tasted some of the meat, it was tender and cooked all the way through, but then it was bland, and much of it was soggy and gross. The potatoes were over cooked, and the other veg was soggy.

Major fail on my part. I may actually puke just from the reminder.

The boy was a good sport. He did eat one bite and tell me it tasted good, but then we called for Chinese, walked next door to pick it up, and laughed our way through the meal. I was proper sad about my lack of skills for a bit, and did a bit of moping, but he was really nice about it all, and even now, a few hours later, as I munch on cold spring rolls and prawn crackers, I am laughing to myself at how bad it turned out. I’m also really glad that I have leftovers for tomorrow….as well as loads of dishes.

2015-12-06 21.34.48

So I learned a valuable lesson today. Just because I own a slow cooker and a cookbook doesn’t mean I can make 5 star meals. All well. One down, 199 recipes to go. Next up: chili black bean stew.

The Scamp and the Gratitude Challenge: Week 47-49

Posted on by erranteditor

Week 49. Wow. I cannot believe it has been 49 weeks since I started the challenge. I can believe, however, that I am once again several posts behind on the challenge. For the last couple of weeks I have been battling some mad hibernation instincts, visiting with my family, and generally neglecting all things related to writing, academic and otherwise. The visit from my mom and brother did a lot to re-energize me, but now I am at the point where I have to make up for lost time.

Although, with the rain, wind, and temperature currently sitting at about 2C (36F) all I really want to do is get in bed with my book and Lambchop my hotwater bottle and call it a day.

But I digress.

Week 47 was dedicated to opportunities that I have been given. I know that I should be thinking more deeply about things like this, but honestly, I have been given a lot of amazing opportunities, and I am having a hard time thinking of just one major one that I am grateful for. Something a little on the shallow and cheesy side that I am grateful for is the role of babysitter to a little French Bulldog called Skyler. Skyler belongs to my neighbors. They are a lovely couple who unfortunately gets stuck signing for my packages when I am at work. While this may seem like a very very silly opportunity to be grateful for, it really isn’t. The one thing I want more than anything (well, not more than to pay off all of my debits and make enough money to not cry a little every time I look at my bank statement) is to own a Frenchie. I created an Instagram simply for the reason of following Frenchies. I want a puppy friend the way most people my age want a baby. I see people with their dogs all over the city, and while some let me pet their little fir babies, strangers usually don’t like it when you hug their dogs. I am not really in the position for a dog at the moment, so acting as a babysitter to this little love bug is like the next best thing. When I told my neighbor that I had my Odie who I miss a lot, she cooed at Skyler that she would have to be a cat for a day and provide some comfort….I am 100% okay with that.

Week 48 is dedicated to my job.

Well, this is an easy one. I am grateful for my job because it literally saved my life. I saw the posting for the position when things went south at CSUF and I had slid into the dark and twisty big time. I wasn’t eating, wasn’t sleeping, had very few people in my life that I considered friends, and worried that I would never feel good about myself again. This job allowed me to move back to Scotland, the one and only place I have ever felt at home. This job allowed me to meet some incredible people, and be in the same place with some already amazing friends. This job is allowing me to test my patience playing the political game, spend my days doing research, and writing….all kinds of writing. A year ago I was a mess. Today, I am the happiest I have been in years. I know that this job is a big part of the reason why. It also doesn’t hurt that I will actually be Dr. Kimbo when my contract is up.

Week 49 is dedicated to what I like about winter.

When it is over. That is my favorite part of winter.

For real. I am not a fan of winter.

 

The Scamp and Thanksgiving

Posted on by erranteditor

Last night was the first time I celebrated Thanksgiving in three years. Usually I spend this time escaping the US and visiting new places. Last year I was in Estonia, and one of my best friends made me a feast of yummy food as well as provided me with a week of fun and adventure. The year before that I was graduating from the University of Edinburgh and enjoying my time in Scotland with my mom and sister. I spent the holiday meant to be all about giving thanks in places and with people that make me feel really thankful.

This year I was lucky enough to have my mom and brother visiting me in Scotland for Thanksgiving. My brother has never been here, so I had an amazing time showing him around all of my favorite places, and going to see things that I had never seen before. I decided that this year I would celebrate Thanksgiving with all of the new friends that I made. Most of them had never celebrated Thanksgiving before, and I had never made a complete dinner by myself, so I decided that it was a good chance for my mom to meet my friends, and to actually use my little kitchen to create a meal.

For my first attempt at a Thanksgiving dinner, it could not have gone any better. I was about two hours later than I thought I would be in terms of serving dinner, but the turkeys looked good, the potatoes, green beans, and stuffing were incredible, and the gravy was able to be saved (thanks Errol), and even though I really did not have a chance to sit and hang out with everyone, given all the laughter I heard, I think that everyone had a good time. I was so glad that my friends got to meet my mom and my brother (I wish the wombmate could have been here) since they are some of my favorite people, and I am glad that my mom got to see that I am surrounded by an amazing group of people.

I know that Thanksgiving is a time for people to think about what they are thankful for, and this is going to sound really strange given that for the last two years I have been writing about how miserable CSUF made me, but I am really thankful for that horrible horrible program. If it was not for that program, I would not have applied for the program here, and would not be back in the one place in the world that I feel at home. If all of that stuff hadn’t have happened, I would be graduating in a few months, but I would be miserable. Being Scotland would not even be on my radar. I’d be depressed, alone, and unhappy for sure. While there are things I miss, okay, really just my family and a few of my friends that I consider family, I wouldn’t trade any of that for where I am now. I’m grateful that the shitshow of a program led me to a program that I love, a job that I enjoy, and people that I love to be around.

The Scamp and the Gratitude Challenge: Week 46

Posted on by erranteditor

The weather is turning cold here in lovely lovely Edinburgh. It is currently 10C (50 F) and rainy. The sun is setting earlier, and the leaves are disappearing. It is the type of weather that makes me want to curl up under blankets, drink hot chocolate, and watch Disney movies. I’m not smart enough to figure out if the heating in my place actually works, and for the moment it makes focusing on my work a bit hard. I spent all last week pouting about the way my job is going, and unfortunately that has put me behind in my work for the PhD. I have a friend who made a schedule, worked diligently every day was able to stay on a strict timeline. I have the best intention to do that, and somehow I never quite make it. I have things to do, but all I can think about is the fact that I am not really making progress in my work beside reading literature. I have a conceptual paper that needs to be written, but I feel like what I have written so far is not good enough to meet the standards of the PhD. I have academic writing PTSD and I am not sure how to get past it. I’ve been trying to just write for ten minutes a day, but even most of that is just complete and utter pish. I need a drill instructor to yell at me whenever I stop working, or fail to open a word doc.

Something that has been helping me is technology, which happens to be the focus of the gratitude challenge this week. Thanks to technology, I am able to Skype with my friends and family in the States, and just those little bits of time with them make me laugh and feel better on an off day. Technology is allowing me to stay current with the wombmate’s pregnancy, and will allow me to be present at the birth if I cannot make it back to the States in time. I can send photos, emails, and see people face-to-face thanks to technology. It is one of the reasons that my move here was pretty easy. Instead of having to wait a week to send a letter through the post, or make a phone call once a month because it is expensive to call international, I can get an almost immediate response to text, email, or picture message. This week I went to the National Museum of Scotland and wandered through the exhibit on Victorian photographs. It was really interesting to see the way that photography was done in that era, and how it has changed over time.

While the technological advancement was interesting and the photographs on display were amazing, it was fun to get dressed up and go to the museum after hours to see the exhibit, and then stay for a Victorian themed party. The people watching was incredible, the music was interesting, and the drinks were tasty. It was a fantastic date with an even more fantastic man, and one of those fun, non-touristy things to do in Edinburgh.

Perhaps the best thing about technology to me right now is the fact that in less than a week my mom and brother will be getting on a plane to come see me. They will be here for American Thanksgiving, and it has been almost five months since we have been in the same timezone, and I cannot wait to see them. It is my brother’s first time in Scotland, and I cannot wait to show him all of my favorite places.

The Scamp and the Gratitude Challenge: Week 44 and 45

Posted on by erranteditor

 

Today I did something that I very rarely do: I called in sick to work and refused to leave my bed…well, sorta. I made a trip to the post office to get some packages, but that took about ten minutes. Then it was back to bed with my laptop, water, and candy corn. I’m tired. It might be a precursor to getting sick, it might be the start of a down cycle, or it might just be that I have been juggling way too much this week and after a little mindfullness, I decided to take the day off. I’m feeling so good about that choice that I might just take tomorrow off as well.

The day off has given me a chance to catch up on the gratitude challenge. You would think by week 45 I would have gotten better at completing them on the week that they are meant to correspond with, but in true Kim form, I am always a step or two behind.

Week 44 is my favorite holiday. This one is easy, and quickly approaching. My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. I don’t like it in the “let’s celebrate the fact that British settlers left their home, went to the new world and then killed all the Indians,” but more in the “I get to hang out with my family” kind of way. Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. I love eating turkey and mashed potatoes, eating way too much dessert, watching football, and hanging out with the family unit. Thanksgiving at the Wilder-Davis house of Chaos includes liberal use of the word “fuck,” inappropriate dinnertime conversations, and singing off key to songs while doing the dishes. It is also my favorite holiday because for the last two years I have used the break at Thanksgiving to get away from the U.S. The first year it was to return here to Scotland to attend graduation, and last year it was to visit Estonia, Latvia, and Finland. Thanksgiving gave me something to look forward to while I was at CSUF. It offered me a light at the end of a really shitty tunnel. This year my mom and brother will be here for Thanksgiving. My brother has never been here, so I am excited to show him around and for him to experience my home. 2 weeks from now I will be reunited with a little bit of family.

I can’t wait.

This week is dedicated to what I do for fun.

What is fun again?

There are a lot things that I do for fun. I like to hang out with my friends, listen to music, read romance novels, and spend time outside. I like to travel, and I like to have silly Skype dates with my family. I like gossiping, and shit talking with my sister, and taking ridiculous photos of PRC in touristy places. Lately I have been having a lot of fun spending time with a boy watching David Attenborough’s The Life of Mammals. Overall, since I moved back to Scotland I have been having a lot more fun with the everyday little things. It is hard to believe that the challenge, and the year will be over in just seven short weeks. There are a lot of interesting things happening in the next few weeks, and this is the first time that I will not be home for Christmas, so I am both excited and nervous for the things to come.