The Scamp Gets Some Good News

Posted on by erranteditor

It took almost two weeks, but insurance came through for me and gave me almost $8,000 for my little car. Since that was about $4,000 more than I was expecting, I now know that I can get a nice little used car and pay cash for it.

Best news I have had in a long time.

Summer school still sucks.

Studying for the exam still sucks.

But I only have 30 days left of school. I can do anything for 30 days.

I will get back into real posts soon, but right now I am just going to celebrate my small victory.

 

small-victories-workplace-ecard-someecards

The Scamp and Her Bumper

Posted on by erranteditor

On Monday whilst I was on my way to meet my sister, a woman in an SUV decided that she really liked the back seat of my car, so she drove through my trunk into it. While she tried to nestle her front bumper in my back seat (feel free to make all the inappropriate sex jokes you want), she pushed me forward into a van. It took me a good thirty second to realize what had happened. When I drove through the intersection it was clear my poor little Civic was hurt. I could hear the scraping sound, and when I parked, the guy in the van I hit looked at me with pity. In her efforts to get into the back seat of my car, the woman in the SUV ripped my bumper completely off my car. The guy in the van pulled the bumper from under the frame and shoved it into the back seat of my car (oddly enough, not the strangest thing that has ever been in there)

 

10459930_10152021018221887_4165453245152724532_nYep….that is my bumper. The guy made a joke about keeping it as a souvenir, but I mean, really….where would I put it?

After all of the insurance exchanges, a chat with a cop and a phone call to my mother, I came to the realization that I no longer have a car. I did what I always do at times like these….I cried. The other people involved were all perfectly composed, and tried their best to comfort me, but my tear ducts were not having it. It was after the info exchange that the woman apologized over and over again and told me that she looked down to see what time it was and never noticed that I stopped because the van in front of me stopped.

She then got back into her car and told me when she hit me it caused her lunch to fly all over her car. My trunk and bumper were in the back seat of my car, my driver side door wouldn’t open, and everything from my purse and ipod to the open can of soda in my cup holder was strewn about my car.

Needless to say, as much as I appreciated that she didn’t want to leave me until my parents arrived, I really wanted her to leave so I didn’t punch her.

10386288_10152021018156887_8511330899686504863_nThis is the last way I will ever see my car. Yesterday she got hauled to a collision center where the mechanic told my dad I would be car shopping soon.

This was not the way I thought I would be getting a new car. The Civic was a really great car. I thought I could drive it for another 5 or 6 years and then be in a position to buy an actual new car. Since it is (was) a 2001, I am not holding much hope for a big payout. I need a car though, and without being able to afford a monthly payment, I am going to have to really settle for something just to be able to make my commuter lifestyle work.

I know that it will all work out in the end, and I know that I am very lucky that I only had a little neck pain, but it is still devastating to me that I lost my pal of 5 years. We had a lot of really good adventures, carried a lot of interesting things, and had no major mechanical issues. She served me well and did not deserve to go out this way.

Rest in pieces Cesily the Civic 2008-2014

 

43 days until the qualifying exam.

Summer school still sucks, but there is only four weeks left.

I can handle just about anything for four weeks…..right?

 

The Scamp Scamps in Circles

Posted on by erranteditor

Who am I? What have I done with my life? Who can I trust?

That last one is a doozy. It haunts you in moments of doubt. Sometimes when you wake up at night, you wonder if you’ve put your faith in the right people. Sometimes when you find yourself alone, for whatever reason, you review every little thing you know about someone, searching your memory for small, subtle things that you may have missed about them.

It makes you scared. It makes you think that you’ve made some horrible mistakes lately. It drives you to do something, to act-

~Harry Dresden

 

I still hate studying.

I still hate summer school.

47 days until the test

65 days until I can quit the hellhole I currently work for.

I’m all out of words for the moment. 10 hours of studying, reviewing, and case scenarios has left me brain fried.

Where is a good trashy romance when you need one?

 

The Scamp Battles the Bitchy Biddy Brigade

Posted on by erranteditor

 

I’m still at war. It has been raging for more than three months now. For those who do not know of my battle, you can find it here: https://ascampabroad.wordpress.com/2014/06/02/the-scamp-prepares-for-battle/

Things just keep getting better. I made my move and talked to the dean, and at her request, did the part of the inventory that was assigned to me. Faculty evaluations have come and gone, and since I try and keep my nose out of the gossip, I have no idea how the B cubed took the news that I was not their personal punching bag.

No one has come sniffing around my desk, or magically appearing in the stacks while I work, and the boss hasn’t forwarded any more emails of my perceived shortcomings, so I claimed a small (albeit important) victory.

Yesterday they retaliated. I have a post-it marking where I left off in my work everyday, and it is just about the finish line (suck on that old women). Since the boss monitors the progress of the project, it was brought to the attention of the group that I was just about done with my section…..so they tripled my workload. Apparently I was too efficient, which is a big no-no at this library, and because of that, I get to do their project.

It was a valiant effort,  but, really? You think that ordering me to do more work than the boss assigned me is really going to work?

Please.

I’ve got plenty of my own work to get back to, and although I had the help of a really awesome student worker, I still have a lot of books coming in and shelf cleaning to do.

and by Friday, I will be back at it. I did what was asked of me, and now I will go on back to my work. The next 68 days, 11 hours and 12 minutes will be spent doing my job to the best of my ability and then proudly march into the bosses office and quit. I’ve already decided on the cards I am going to give the Bitchy Biddy Brigade when I leave.

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I am greatly looking forward to that day.

Next week all of us lowly classified staff have a meeting with the boss. I have decided that will be the stage for my next battle. A little public shaming to make my work days more fun.

Summer school still sucks, studying for the qualifying exam is making me crazy, and I am behind on my research.

In 50 days all of that will be over, and life just might settle down.

Probably not.

The Scamp Prepares for Battle

Posted on by erranteditor

Tomorrow I win the war.

Well, my version of war.

For the last two months I have been monitored at work. Three women have taken it upon themselves to try and shift the focus from their crappy work habits to my pretend crappy work habits. They have been asking about my movements and work patterns after I leave every day, and they emailed my boss asking her what my job was, and what duties I perform. The best part of that email was the woman who sent it called me “the page” and didn’t even use my name. She made it seem like I neglected my duties, and because of that email, I got pulled off my job to do a project for her (I should mention that I have no idea what she looks like, and she has never had a face-to-face conversation with me).

Two weeks ago, the three women were given an inventory project. That requires every book in the library to be taken off the shelf and scanned into the computer. The woman in charge of the project told me her work was a priority, and my work needed to be put on hold so that I could do inventory. She gave me the largest section of the library to do, and disregarded all my concerns for doing the job I was hired to do (not to mention her plan for the inventory is completely wrong and can be done in a much more efficient way).

Considering I three projects that will take me months to complete, I was not about to put them on hold because these three women want me to do their work. To win the first battle, I emailed the boss and asked her if I could divide my time because I was worried about the backlog of my own work (I also mentioned feeling undervalued and a lot like a trained monkey who had no purpose. I may have also mentioned that while the project was a priority for them, it was not my priority). The boss responded right away with a strongly worded email that she had yet to approve the project, and she would be the one making the assignments. She then sent an email to the three women, with the email I sent her attached to it.

Point one for me.

They countered with pleading for the extra help, so I have to stay on the project. The boss asked me to do it, so there is no chance for me to say no.

Point for them.

They were riding high on their victory, and decided to criticize the way that I am completing their project, and “nicely” offering to show me how to do it “correctly”. They then stepped up their efforts on monitoring my work habits, and have interrogated everyone that I come in contact with during the day. They also started discussing me with other staff as “the page”.

Point for them.

They are up two to one, and that is unacceptable. I only have 77 days left before I can quit and start teaching, and there is no way that I am going to lose this war. I thought about just letting it go and quietly defying them before telling them to fuck off.

Then I thought about how insulted I was that these three people thought they could bully me and get away with it. I emailed the boss again and used words like “hostile work environment” and “they think I work for them” and my favorite, “What did I do to make everyone think I was a bad employee?” I also mentioned that I was upset that a woman who shows up late and leaves early from work gets to monitor my comings and goings when I have yet to miss a day or show up late. I told her I was worried that the inventory job was going to create more work for me since they were not putting the books back correctly or neatly (okay, I may have overstated that one a bit as only three or four books were out of place, but hey, I needed it). That one really got the bosses attention. She personally sought me out and spent a good portion of time with me going over the problems I am having with these three, and what she was going to do about it.

Tomorrow, they are getting their performance evaluations. Tomorrow, they will find out that they are not in charge of me, and are now in very tight leashes with the boss. I only have to finish the small section of inventory I was assigned (and may do so in whatever style works best for me) and then I can go back to my work. The boss also told me who to go to in the union to keep myself protected from these women should they get extra bitchy, and told me when to go to human resources and file a formal complaint so she has something on record to go off of when she reprimands them. They will no longer be able to bully people and get away with neglecting their jobs.

And that my friends, is how you win the war.

 

The Scamp is a Caged Bird

Posted on by erranteditor

Sympathy

BY PAUL LAURENCE DUNBAR

I know what the caged bird feels, alas!
When the sun is bright on the upland slopes;
When the wind stirs soft through the springing grass,
And the river flows like a stream of glass;
When the first bird sings and the first bud opes,
And the faint perfume from its chalice steals—
I know what the caged bird feels!
I know why the caged bird beats his wing
 Till its blood is red on the cruel bars;
For he must fly back to his perch and cling
When he fain would be on the bough a-swing;
And a pain still throbs in the old, old scars
And they pulse again with a keener sting—
I know why he beats his wing!
I know why the caged bird sings, ah me,
When his wing is bruised and his bosom sore,—
When he beats his bars and he would be free;
It is not a carol of joy or glee,
But a prayer that he sends from his heart’s deep core,
But a plea, that upward to Heaven he flings—
I know why the caged bird sings!

A Scamp in the Waiting Room

Posted on by erranteditor

I spent a good portion of my day today in the waiting room of the health center on campus. I had two appointments today. The waiting room was empty for the first appointment, which suited me just fine and allowed me to read a few pages of a detective novel I have been trying to get through. The second time I entered the waiting room, there was a girl there waiting for her own appointment. She was super chatty, kinda strange, and wanted to be super fast friends. She told me all about her boss’s bad driving record, told me about her grad school plans, and told me about the types of books she likes to read.

These are the books. This article came from cracked.com

10 Real Book Covers From Dinosaur-On-Human Sex Novels

As these things happen, it’s come to the planet’s attention that a pair of Texas college students has been self-publishing a not-unsuccessful series of dinosaur-on-girl porno novellas on Amazon.

Given that the Internet requires elaborate sex fantasies involving The Price Is Right and the Muppets to even maintain an erection, dino porn seems quasi-puritanical. But these books sport outright hilarious art, which juxtaposes a blase stock photo model with a confused CG dinosaur. Here are the 10 best covers.

#10. Running from the Raptor

Amazon

Key Blurb: “Instead of the tearing her to bits, the raptor begins to nuzzle at her nether regions.”

It’s a fair assumption that the authors blessed these dinos with big ol’ mammalian Fabio dongs. If we’re being evolutionarily sound, the happy raptor up there will likely end up unceremoniously dumping a cloaca full of sperm all over that gal and pass out a good 90 seconds before his cave-stereo hits the drum solo from “In the Air Tonight.”

#9. Taken by the Pterodactyl

Amazon

Key Blurb: “Dianne is a shepherd, watching over flock of sheep.”

CONSUMER ALERT: Taxonomically speaking, pterosaurs weren’t dinosaurs, so anybody expecting dinosaur porn when they purchased this book WILL NOT be able to get off. We repeat: DO NOT buy this book if you want to masturbate to a story about a dinosaur fucking a shepherd. IT WILL NOT HAPPEN.

#8. Mating With the Raptor

Amazon

Key Blurb: “Marga was the Protectress, the city’s leader, charged with defending it against dinosaur attacks.”

Everybody assumes that these books are by random perverts, but one of these days the camera’s going to pull back and we’re going to see, like, Kofi Annan, hunched over a typewriter with an impish twinkle in his eye.

#7. The Balaur’s Delight

Amazon

Key Blurb: “At first Carla hates being violated by the ancient beast, but after a while she begins to enjoy it.”

Why doesn’t anybody spin erotic yarns about all the nice extinct creatures, like I Was Plugged by a Respectful Dodo or A Steller’s Sea Cow Fondled My Jugs With True Emotion?

#6. Ravaged by the Raptor

Amazon

Key Blurb: “The beautiful, buxom girl must now tend the farm like the rest of her family, feeding the animals, tending the crops, and protecting their land from hungry predators, like foxes, wolves, and the occasional dinosaur.”

Look, if you’re going to illustrate a macrocephalic velociraptor plowing a busty farmhand, respect the reader and set that shit amidst the waving wheat that sure smells sweet when the wind comes right behind the rain. A locker room just seems so WRONG.

#5. In the Velociraptor’s Nest

Amazon

Key Blurb: “Azog must use all of her womanly wiles to get out of the cave.”

Wait a minute, that’s the same guy from Running from the Raptor! Is this a sequel? Did he meet these girls at the swinger’s bar on Noah’s Ark? Was there ever a porno parody of Theodore Rex? (If not, everybody tell Cracked majordomo Jack O’Brien we must reroute 90 percent of our site’s operating budget toward such.)

#4. Taken by the T-Rex

Amazon

Key Blurb: “When the angry T-Rex corners the huntress in a box canyon, it seems more interested in her wet womanhood than in her flesh.”

Judging from that tyrannosaurus’ expression, he’s not euphemistically “interested” — he’s legit aghast that his dinner’s on the cusp of climaxing. His eyes scream, “Look, lady, I know my fossil record, and I am sooo fucking uncomfortable right now.”

#3. Taken at the Dinosaur Museum

Amazon

Key Blurb: “The job market was tough, and it couldn’t have been tougher than it was on Kate. She’d been looking forever for a new job, but she couldn’t find one. As she was reading through the paper one day, she came across an ad for a museum looking for a night watchperson. She gets the job and finds herself as a night guard, working for a dinosaur natural history museum. Things there are normal and quiet … until all of the dinosaurs come alive!”

According to Amazon, this is a 5,050-word story. We hope 5,041 of those words describe her travails with unemployment in breathless detail and the final nine words are “The dinosaurs came alive. Everybody did sex. The end.”

#2. Ravished by the Triceratops

Amazon

Key Blurb: “Horrified and aroused by the horned giant, Beliria must find a way to control the situation.”

“When we wrote Ravished by the Triceratops, sure, we depicted a full-sized Cretaceous herbivore. But when it came time to design the cover, we thought about how sensual it would be to get worked over by those pygmy dinosaurs from the 1992 straight-to-VHS classic Prehysteria! and we just plum forgot ourselves.”

#1. T-Rex Troubles

Amazon

Key Blurb: “A very special T-Rex is hunting her — this T-Rex has psychic powers.”

Well, that’s it. The written word has peaked. Time to shut down this whole “literature” thing. Please burn down your local library on the way out the door.


The last line of this article sums it up. This is real. They can publish and sell this, yet I can;t get my dissertation published.

That’s it, I quit. Society is officially fucked. 

This is also the last time I strike up a conversation with someone in the waiting room at the health center.