adventure | The Scamp Abroad

The Scamp at 300

Posted on June 5, 2015 by erranteditor

Congratulations! You are reading my 300th post. I think that it is very fitting that number 300 comes on my last night as a resident of the United States. This is the day I thought would never come. This is the day I have been trying to get to for two long years. This is the day that makes the emotionally abusive relationship worth it, the bullying, abuse, and eventual expulsion form CSUF worth it, and all of the therapy very very worth it. In the year and some change that it took me to get from 200 to 300, I learned so much about not only myself, but the world around me.

I learned that I no longer fit in in California. That was a hard lesson for me to learn. I spent almost a year trying really really hard to like it here and be happy, when it just isn’t who I am anymore. I have had some times here, and will carry some great memories with me, but this is no longer home. It took me almost another year to come to terms with it, and realize that it is okay that I no longer fit here. I always say that I am a Flamingo in a flock of pigeons. I use to say it to make people laugh, but I always saw it as a bad thing. I thought I should want to be a pigeon. I should want to be just like everyone else.

That is the dumbest thing I have ever admitted to the public (there have been a lot of things I have done, said, or thought that are really dumb, but a girl has to have some secrets). It has taken me a long time, but I am learning to embrace my inner flamingo. When I am in Scotland I can be a flamingo, and since I don’t know of another bird that can do yoga, I am going to rock the shit out of being a flamingo. That includes wearing colorful yoga pants, finishing my sleeve of colorful tattoos, and rocking flowers in my hair.

I learned that sometimes life sucks. I know that I will never see justice for what happened to me at CSUF, but that is how the real world works. Sometimes bad things happen to (mostly) good people. I will have to pay back the $30,000 in loans, and I will have nothing to show for it. My mom told me that everyone has bought a lemon, or invested in something that has failed, and that CSUF is my lemon. Pretty much everyone knows what happened to me now, and it still makes me mad, but I have to trust that there is a lesson in that experience that I will be able to use one day. I’m not 100% certain what that lesson is yet, but I have faith that it will become clear someday. I learned a lot about how to play the political game, how to stand up for myself and what I believe in, and that if you do not stick to your values then they are just hobbies.

I learned the power of therapy. I’m pretty sure therapy saved my life. Had I not had that available to me for the last year, I do not know if I would have survived the CSUF experience. Thursday mornings were my coping. I spent a lot of time trying to work through what was happening to me, and work out ways to cope with how I was feeling. My depression would have gotten a lot worse, had I not made the decision to get some real help. That program broke me. I spent much of this last year crying and hiding under my covers hoping that the storm would crash. My therapist helped me get out of bed, helped me not become an actual racist, and helped me realize that there was absolutely nothing wrong with my character. I used to think that therapy was something that I needed to hide, like it was a dirty little secret, but I have to say, I feel like a much stronger person than I was two years ago, and I think a part of that is because therapy kept me out of the dark and twisty.

I learned that I am willing to fight for the friendships and connections that matter. I’ve kept in touch with most of the people I was in Scotland with, and I am now seeing the long list of people here that are worth the effort to keep in contact with. I also feel like I am about to meet a whole bunch of new people, and those are the people that I will keep around for a long long time. I’m always worried about making friends because I am not really good at being social, but I am no longer worried about that. I know that I will become that obnoxious person who introduces myself to people, and before I know it, I will have sweet-talked my way into a lord’s heart and will get the castle wedding and the title that everyone here wants me to have (ok, I will get a puppy, talk to him, and pretend that is being social).

Most importantly, I learned that sometimes you need a fresh start to really become who you are supposed to be. Scotland is my fresh start. I never would have made it there if I had not gone through all the shit of the last two years. Scotland is my chance to really grow and become the person that I want to be (and the scenery, history, and people don’t hurt either). In three short years I will be Dr. Scamp, and in five short years I will be a permanent resident of the UK.

Most people say that it is bad luck to say “goodbye”, and that you should say “see you later.” They say that “goodbye” is permanent. Well, today, I would like to say goodbye to my life here, and to the person that I was. Tomorrow I start fresh being the badass flamingo that I am.

“I was trying to feel some kind of good-bye. I mean I’ve left schools and places I didn’t even know I was leaving them. I hate that. I don’t care if it’s a sad good-bye or a bad good-bye, but when I leave a place I like to know I’m leaving it. If you don’t you feel even worse.”
― J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

Adventure here I come.

The Scamp and a Puzzle

Posted on June 4, 2015 by erranteditor

My brother-in-law bought me a 3D crystal castle puzzle from Disneyland. The thing has 106 pieces, that are all clear plastic, and no instructions. The box says it is for children 12+.

Really, what they meant was the puzzle is for anyone who has 12+ years experience with architectural engineering, and can put together IKEA furniture blindfolded. It took me an hour just to figure out what the base pieces looked like and how they fit together.

The idea is was that I take the puzzle with me to Scotland so I have something to remind me home……so far, the only thing it has given me is a headache. I have three college degrees, but this thing might get the best of me.

I only have two days left in the US, and this is not really something that I should be focusing on. I still have some boxes that need to be added to, one that needs to be ready to ship, and a few follow-up emails to send. I’m not ready. I wanted to lose ten pounds before I went, wanted to have every little detail solved, and wanted to feel as excited and nervous, and scared as I felt last time I went. This time I do not feel anything either way. I’m eager to start my vacation, eager to make it to Scotland and meet my supervisors face to face, and I am excited to see how crazy it will be to get all of my boxes to my house and get myself moved in. I think that I will feel different once I get on the plane, but honestly, this vacation has been on the books so long, that I am not sure that I actually believe that it is finally here.

Pirate Rubber Chicken and I are ready for vacation though. We are definitely ready for vacation.

The Scamp and a Bon Voyage

Posted on June 1, 2015 by erranteditor

Yesterday I made the second round of goodbyes. I invited friends and family to come hang out with me at a little brewery by my parent’s house. I honestly thought no one would show up. I’m not sure why, but I have a strong desire to be missed by the people here, and I had a feeling my piss poor attitude for the last two years put a damper on people who would be sad to see me go.

Boy was I wrong. 30 people came to see me off, and those that couldn’t make it called, texted, or made some time to see me in the next four days. I am truly humbled by all the love that I got. I keep telling everyone to come and visit, and I sincerely mean it. I hope they all get a chance at some point to come see me in natural habitat, super happy and thriving. In the meantime, I have all of their addresses, so I can send snarky postcards, hot kilted men with beards, shortbread cookies, and fine wool accessories. There is still time to get on the list, so anyone who wants on it, shoot me a message, and consider it done.

Here are a few snaps from the day. Please ignore my horribly sunburned neck. In an attempt to be the most tan person in Scotland, I got a little crispy.

My “little” cousin. He loves me….sometimes

This is my favorite picture of the day. My meow let me help build a tower.

Meow!

I’ve known the Zavala family for a long time. I was honored that they came to see me off.

My cousin Katy made the best card ever for me, and we even got Beans to smile

Sassy best friend

All my college buddies

Poor Joe. He has known us since we were 5

Even one of my favorite people from the CSUF program came. I may have squealed in delight when she walked up

The Scamp All Packed

Posted on May 30, 2015 by erranteditor

but ready to go?

Today I moved the last of my things that will not be going with me to Scotland. All of my pots, pans, Tupperware, cooking utensils, forks, knives, and a desk that I barely used, but did serve as a secure place for all my bills, pay stubs, and kept all of my notes, textbooks, and school related things while I was working on my MA.

I haven’t actually looked at most of this stuff for the last three years, but when I was moving the box of Tupperware, it broke open and I was flooded with memories of the last ten years with some of those things. It seems so final now that they are gone, most of my clothes and shoes are packed, and the things that I cannot take now are already postmarked to be shipped for a later date. It all seems so permanent now. I am not coming back to live in the United States. By this time next week, I will be in London, about to get on a plane for Madrid for a little bit of time to relax before I make my way to Scotland to start my dream job, in my dream city, and finally reach my goal of completing my PhD. I’ve always wanted adventure, I’ve always been prone to wander, I’ve never been afraid to take a chance, to do things on my own, or to march to the beat of my own drum.

I’ve had the dream of going back to Scotland for two very long years, and the goal to earn my PhD and work in higher education for the last seven years.

I am three weeks away from reaching all of my major goals….and I am fucking terrified.

See, the thing that nobody tells about reaching all of your goals is that it is the scariest thing in the world (and I’ve jumped out of a plane, I have multiple tattoos, travel by myself, and get in a car with my father). I am so terrified that I am going to wake up tomorrow and it will all be a dream. I will still be miserable at Cal State Fullerton, still not have enough money for real insurance, my own apartment, or my massive student loans, and still be profoundly depressed

To be honest, there is no way I could survive a cruel joke like that. Not to mention that I have already sold my car, and most of my possessions.

I know that this fear is normal, and the finality of the situation is starting to sink in, so I am having a momentary freak-out, but it is still a little bit scary.

I’m doing it though. I’m jumping in with both feet, and going to settle into Scotland, and I am going to be a kick-ass expat.

The Scamp Hates Packing

Posted on May 27, 2015 by erranteditor

I hate packing. Hate hate hate it. Most of clothes are currently in my shower. Yep. The shower. What isn’t there is littering my floor, stacked outside my room, and generally reminding me that I have only nine days left to get everything organized before I leave for Spain and then return to Scotland. I have three boxes packed so far and about six more to go.

I’m overwhelmed and stressed. I still have so many things that need to make it into a box. Things like shoes, bags, pens and bathroom supplies, chapstick, my wallets, rubber ducks, and family photos.

I have no idea where all of this stuff came from, and I have no idea how I am going to get it all to Scotland….or when. I want the packing and moving fairy to come and take care of everything for me so I do not have to. I’m going to have to buy the apartment I am hoping to rent so that I never have to move again. Not having a car makes things a little more challenging, and I know that everything will come out alright, but in the meantime, I am tired, and very, very overwhelmed.

The Scamp and Some Queens

Posted on May 25, 2015 by erranteditor

This has been a busy week. So busy, in fact, that I have a lot to say, and each needs to be its own post. I’ll start with The queens. No one loves drag queens more than I love drag queens. When I lived in San Diego, I was a frequent guest at Lips for Gospel Sunday Brunch, bitchy bingo, and two bachelorette parties. When RuPaul started RuPual’s Drag Race seven seasons ago, I was hooked. It was America’s Next Top Model meets Bad Girls Club. I had no idea that they taped the finale in Los Angeles, so when my favorite queen told me he had an extra ticket at the last minute, I cancelled my plans to lay in bed in my pjs all day to go see three queens lip sync for their life.

It was every bit as magical as I hoped it would be. Everything about the day was great. I got to spend some good quality time with my ride or die, his friend who was also a drag queen enthusiast was a blast and a half, and everyone that we met while waiting in line, and once we made it into the theater was great. The 18-year-old girls standing in line behind us made me feel old, and were the strangest groupies that I have ever met, and the group of 40-year-old men trying to look 20 in front of us laughed at my jokes, and provided some very colorful insight into how they thought the finale would play out.

Photo courtesy of I. Noe

Once we got into the theater, we got to watch the queens walk the red carpet, pose for pictures, and do interviews with Logo, and online blogs and fashion sites. Following the red carpet, the queens all went into a makeshift bar and lounge where they took pictures, chatted, and mingled with the guests. Of the 10 or so that we talked to, only one was bitchy. Everyone else was so fun and nice. Many of the girls made their own dresses, and some even offered advice about how to take a proper photo with a drag queen (Always have the flash on, and always put your arm around their waist). Ivan and Katie were starstruck, so while I snapped as many photos as possible with them and the queens, I failed to actually get myself into any of the photos.

Pearl, Violet, and Ginger Minnj, the Season 7 finalists.
Photo courtesy of I. Noe

By far the best outfit of the night.
Photo courtesy of @rupaulsdragrace

Season 6 winner Bianca Del Rio. This bitch stole the show with her opening acts.
Photo courtesy of @thebiancadelrio

The taping was an interesting experience. As this was my first time ever being at a show taping, I was not quite sure what to expect. It was a bit strange to tape all of our reactions to different events before the taping even started. We laughed, we cheered, we looked shocked, we looked sad, we held hands and danced with the people around us….all before we ever saw any of the performances, or the show officially started taping. When the actual taping started, it was a lot of fun to see RuPaul try to read off cue cards, for the queens to lip sync their songs, and to see what their friends and family had to say about them making it this far in the competition. There was even a celebrity in the audience. To be honest, I thought she was one of the drag queens when she came in, but she was nice enough, and seemed very normal…a very drastic change from her usual public persona. It was quite nice to see her that way.

With goes to show you how tall RuPaul really is. Miley Cyrus is 5’4
Photo courtesy of @mileycyrus

Posing with the Season 7 contestants.
Photo courtesy of @mileycyrus

I cannot wait to see the finale all edited together when it airs next week. I’m team Pearl all the way, but Ginger Minj made a strong showing, so it is anyone’s game. Here is a video from the walk down the red carpet for all to enjoy.

The Scamp and the Gratitude Challenge: Week 20

Posted on May 16, 2015 by erranteditor

This week is all about friendship. I get to pick another friend that makes me feel grateful. The first one I was grateful for was my cat, Odin. He’s my favorite companion and he means a lot to me. Even as I try to get this out, he sits on my lap and drools all over my leg.

True story, here we are, me trying to write, him trying to figure out a way on to my pillow

This week is hard only in the sense that I do not want to have to pick just one friend. Lately, all the ones that really matter to me have been amazing. Between baked goods and heart felt letters, to phone calls and reminders that I will be missed, and that I am loved, snarked with me, I am really feeling like I have made some good choices of people to have in my life. This was a good lesson for the week because in addition to being done with my job, and having to get serious about the packing, I have planned a little goodbye party. It is my last chance to see everyone before I go, and since this time is a little more permanent than the last time I left, I am taking it way more personally that some of the people that I have known for years are blowing me off. I’m not so sure why in a see of “yes” responses, I am letting the one or two “nos” really bother me. The wonderful thing about the friendships that I have made, is that when I voice this fear (and I have been moaning about it a lot), my friends have assured me that I am loved, and have reminded me to focus on the positive. These are the people that I cannot wait to Skype with, the people that I hope will come visit me, and the people that I know will be in my life for a very very long time.

and for that reason, and because the cat found his way to my pillow, I am going to refuse to just pick one friend that I am grateful for. Instead, I am going to look through the pictures on my computer, the photo album in the bottom of my nightstand, and my external flash drive from five years ago and take a walk down memory lane with some really good people.

The Scamp is Umemployed

Posted on May 15, 2015 by erranteditor

in the United States anyway.

As of 8 pm Pacific Standard Time on May 13, 2015, I completed my contract with the community college. It is the last of my three jobs.

I got fired from the first one in January, except, no one told me. I worked hard as a research assistant, and now someone else’s name will go on the work. I quit the second job last week when I realized I spent more time hating the rude and horrid 13 year olds than helping them. They put me in a bad mood week after week, and I was unable to shut off my hatred of them and just do my job.

So I quit.

I only feel bad about quitting because my mom could use the help. I will say though, the yoga classes this week were a lot better because I wasn’t already frazzled when I got there.

The teaching job is a little different. I was actually a bit sad to see this job come to an end. The last time I was done with a job, it was to take the teaching job, so I was not the least bit sad to leave it. With this one, when I dismissed my students for the last time, I was sad to see them go. Many of them came up and gave me a hug, and a few of them who I have really gotten to know over the last year brought me gifts and really thoughtful cards. When a friend of mine asked me how I was feeling, and I gave him the honest answer.

I felt like I wanted to cry. I should be happy because now I have free time to sort out the packing and shipping, and really get into the literature I have found for the new project I am about to embark on, but when I was walking to my car last night, I was sad looking at the buildings and passing the library where I have spent the last month working with my students. I got an exit form, and when my grading is done, I will turn in my keys and the form. and be officially done with the campus. This job was my bright spot for the last year. Even when the rest of my world was falling down around me in flames, this job remained a bright spot. I liked my students for the most part, liked the people that I was working for and with, and thought that I was doing a pretty darn good job and teaching students how to write.

Earlier this week I got the written review of the class evaluation that I got in April. I was profoundly disappointed when I realized that I had simply been deemed “satisfactory.” I’ve never been just satisfactory at anything in my professional life. The thing is, nothing in the comments on the evaluation were bad. The couple of areas that needed to be improved were areas that I knew I was going to get dinged on (I mean, really, I have never used a rubric in my life). Satisfactory is good. Satisfactory is 80/100. The thing is, I do not feel like I am an 80/100. I’m a 100/100. I’m not sure why people do not see that. I know that the chair of the department was only in my class for an hour, but I have to say, I thought it was a pretty good hour. My mother patiently reminded me that I am a part timer, and that they had already offered me two classes for the fall, so I should be more than happy with my review. I was still smarting about my review at 8 pm last night when I let my class go for the last time. One of my students who I had both last semester and this semester came in and brought me a note that she had forgotten to give me when she saw me earlier in the day. This is what it says”

Dear Ms. Wilder,

I wanted to write (type) you a few words before you leave overseas. Well, to start off, congratulations on getting a full-time job in Scotland! I am truly happy for you. You have told us many times that you wanted a full-time job, and now you have it, although I am sad about it as well. You are the best English teacher I have ever had! I have learned so much in your class. I was so nervous when I started attending school because I had not been in school for so long, but you were helpful, and guided us throughout the semester. I am so thankful that I was able to attend your class this semester too. When I first started coming to college, I knew that I wanted to major in English, but plenty of people tried to talk me out of it. The reassurance I needed came when you told us that that you had majored in English, and all of the experiences you had encountered on your way to achieving a higher education in Scotland. Learning all about your achievements in general made me realize that I should pursue something that I love. So, I thank you for that. You are an extraordinary professor, and I want you to know that: I love the way you teach, the communication that you have with your students, the way you organize your lectures, the clarity of your explanations when getting into a new essay, the comments you write in our journals and our essays to help us improve our writing, your dedication to each and every one of us, even the fact that you play music before class starts. That is what makes you stand out from other professors, the time you take to do the small things for your students that make a huge difference for us. You are original in everything you do. Wherever you go, please do not lose your unique style, both in teaching and in fashion. I am really going to miss you Ms. Wilder, I believe that I speak for the entire class when I say that. Those Scottish students are lucky! Good luck with your upcoming job.

Sincerely,

Your English 100 student

That is all it took to remind me that I am anything other than satisfactory. This student has a bright future, and is going to do well in life, and I am going to take a little bit of pride knowing that I had a little hand in helping them along.

The Scamp in Limbo

Posted on May 9, 2015 by erranteditor

lim·bo

noun

(in some Christian beliefs) the supposed abode of the souls of unbaptized infants, and of the just who died before Christ’s coming.
an uncertain period of awaiting a decision or resolution; an intermediate state or condition.

I’m Kimbo in limbo.

I have 27 days left in the United States. I no longer have a car, have sold almost all of my old books, and the books from the program from CSUF, and have sold the dishes that I have owned since I was 19. The goal this weekend is to try and sell my desk, some fantastic pots and pans, and a very impressive Tupperware collection. This is just the start of my strange time in limbo. Friends I have had since I was 14 are suddenly strangers, and I have failed to keep up correspondence with my friends overseas. People all around me are making plans, and very few of them remember that I am moving away.

My plans in Scotland have been a bit derailed as well because of a mix-up with dates, so I have to rent a room before I can make it to my place. This means that I will not have my stuff shipped right away, so I have to make due with what I pack for Spain, and that means I have to pack more than I thought I would.

Basically I am throwing myself a pity party. I want people around here to miss me. I want someone to notice that I am leaving and be proud of the fact that I am finally getting back to Scotland and earning a PhD. Then I remember that I have done nothing but complain about living in the United States, and have done nothing but mourn, pine, and feel homesick for Scotland. I have done nothing here to warrant people missing me.

No wonder no one will miss me. It is an odd feeling to have everything that I want right on the horizon, and want to mourn the loss of the life I have here. I hate it here. I’ve been counting down the days until I can leave since I landed in Los Angeles almost two years ago. All the same, it is becoming very real to me that I am leaving and not coming back. So, while I do not quite belong in Scotland, I no longer belong here in California. I’m a stranger in a strange land, I’m living in limbo between two places.

I once told David that if we ever broke up I would never come back to the US again. Funny enough, he was the reason I came back, accepted a spot at CSUF, entered into a disastrous relationship with someone who emotionally abused me, and have gone to a deep deep deep dark and twisty place. Now I sit in limbo because of the choices I have made, and hope that the Scottish version of sunshine and rainbows is waiting for me when I get there.

“Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.”
― Brooks Atkinson

The Scamp and Gratitude Challenge Week 18 and 19

Posted on May 5, 2015 by erranteditor

I am way behind in the challenge. Way way behind. I have been spending my time trying to get things ready for my move, and I have been trying to get some yoga sessions in before I leave. I was able to find a Groupon that allowed me 30 days of unlimited classes at a new studio by house, and so far, it has been a nice change from doing routines in my backyard.

I’m feeling a bit strange lately, which is why it is important to get back to the challenge. Today I handed over my car to the new owner, and I am starting to have to think about what to pack. I have 30 days left in the US and I think it is starting to set in that I am about to leave for good. I have a place to live, I finally have all the paperwork I need for my visa, and I have meetings and work set up for when I get to Scotland, and the people around me are starting to express their excitement. I am starting to feel very strange about it. I have spent almost three years trying to get back to Scotland,and now it is starting to become real that I actually get to go back.

So back to the challenge. Week 18 is all about the weather. This is easy. Right now the weather is just about perfect. The days are sunny and warm, and the nights are warm enough that I can have my window open and enjoy the breeze and fresh air while I sleep. Lately I have been able to work on my tan too, so by the time I get to Spain for vacation, I will look nice and golden. I am really going to miss the warm weather and the sun, but I am looking forward to the definitive seasons that Scotland offers. I’m looking forward to sunny days in summer, the leaves changing in fall, snow flurries in winter, and the cherry blossoms in bloom in the spring. I know that Scotland sees a lot of rain and wind, but I think the change will be nice. I’m looking forward to practicing yoga in the park, walking everywhere, and my umbrella turning inside out on a walk from the bus to campus. I will miss warm sunny days in California, but that will make visits home that much better.

Week 19 is health. This one is very important to me. May is Lupus Awareness Month. I was diagnosed in 2008, but I feel very lucky. This disease can be horrible, but so far, I have been able to manage my symptoms, and keep the bad days few and far between. For those who are not super familiar with Lupus, Lupus.org breaks it down:

What is lupus?

Lupus is a chronic, autoimmune disease that can damage any part of the body (skin, joints, and/or organs inside the body). Chronic means that the signs and symptoms tend to last longer than six weeks and often for many years.

In lupus, something goes wrong with your immune system, which is the part of the body that fights off viruses, bacteria, and germs (“foreign invaders,” like the flu). Normally our immune system produces proteins called antibodies that protect the body from these invaders. Autoimmune means your immune system cannot tell the difference between these foreign invaders and your body’s healthy tissues (“auto” means “self”) and creates autoantibodies that attack and destroy healthy tissue. These autoantibodies cause inflammation, pain, and damage in various parts of the body.

Lupus is also a disease of flares (the symptoms worsen and you feel ill) and remissions (the symptoms improve and you feel better).

These are some additional facts about lupus that you should know:

Lupus is not contagious, not even through sexual contact. You cannot “catch” lupus from someone or “give” lupus to someone.
Lupus is not like or related to cancer. Cancer is a condition of malignant, abnormal tissues that grow rapidly and spread into surrounding tissues. Lupus is an autoimmune disease, as described above.
Lupus is not like or related to HIV (Human Immune Deficiency Virus) or AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome). In HIV or AIDS the immune system is underactive; in lupus, the immune system is overactive.
Lupus can range from mild to life-threatening and should always be treated by a doctor. With good medical care, most people with lupus can lead a full life.
Our research estimates that at least 1.5 million Americans have lupus. The actual number may be higher; however, there have been no large-scale studies to show the actual number of people in the U.S. living with lupus.
More than 16,000 new cases of lupus are reported annually across the country.
It is believed that 5 million people throughout the world have a form of lupus.
Lupus strikes mostly women of childbearing age (15-44). However, men, children, and teenagers develop lupus, too. Most people will develop lupus between the ages of 15-44.
Women of color are two to three times more likely to develop lupus than Caucasians.
People of all races and ethnic groups can develop lupus.

I have been lucky that I am mild. My health has been stable lately, and I have been fortunate enough to have access to doctors that can monitor me and keep me healthy. I know that I complain about Obamacare, but it is nice to have access to doctors and affordable medication. I am hoping that I can keep the trend of feeling good for a long long time.

This week’s gratitude challenge has temporarily calmed my fears and worries about the the coming month and moving to Scotland.