Month: July 2012

A Scamp Unpacked (For Now)

Posted on by erranteditor

I never realized how small the room I grew up in was until now. I suddenly have no room to move, no room to breath, and certainly no room to put all of the clothes and things that I have gathered in the last seven years of living on my own. The boxes are all stacked up in my parent’s garage and there is a layer of dust and I am sure many many spiders making residence in my boxes. Soon they will all be moved into storage (if I can get them all to fit) and I will have everything I own in a couple of suitcases and a few carry-ons. I think it is really starting to hit me that I can’t take call of this stuff with me and I will have to pick and choose what I take and what I leave behind. I’m starting to see the beauty of my roommates plan to sell all of her stuff. I have no idea where all of this stuff came from, and I have no idea what I am going to do with it if it doesn’t fit into storage.

All of the stress and the fact that the clock is quickly running out for my time in the US is leaving me with a lot of doubts. I’m starting to think that this was not the best idea I have ever had. Storing my stuff is going to be an issue, leaving my family will be an issue, and leaving David is going to suck. I’ve only been at home one day and I already miss him like crazy. I know that things will be different when I am in school and things are busy, but I am just dreading that separation. I wish that he hadn’t been so quick to turn down coming with me, and as much as I understand why he made that choice, I can’t help but think how much fun it would be if he wanted to come with me. He is constantly tempting me with the life that we will have together when I get home, and sometimes I can’t help but wonder if part of that is a dig at me because we could have that now.

I think that once I readjust to living at home, and can put some of the boxes and bags and other things away I will feel better, but in the meantime, I am very glad that my mother understands my need to be in my room by myself for long stretches of time, and that she is willing to give me that space to readjust. I am hoping that in the next few days I settle down and adjust to being home and start to process the next stage of my life.

A Scamp Exhuasted

Posted on by erranteditor

On average I take about ten pills a day. That is how many it takes to keep this scamp going. I take one pill to keep me going during the day, one pill to help me sleep at night, two pills to fight the pain, three pills to supplement my shitty diet, one to battle the depression that comes with being sick, and one to regulate my body with all of the other crazy things going on. Some days I feel like drug addict because of my complete reliance on these drugs to get me through the day. Many days I am so tired that I can barely remember what I did during the day, but overall, I feel lucky that my disease has not progressed very quickly and I am a lot better off than I could be.

The pills and the daily ins and outs of my disease are not the only things that have me exhausted. My upcoming move and the the California State Bar exam have also been pushing me to my limits. My boyfriend claims I have been very understanding and been great throughout the whole process, but the truth of the matter is I’ve been a pain in the ass. He has been great about having dinner with me or giving me an hour or two a day as well as the occasional sleepover, but I usually pout and make sad faces when  I have to leave. I know that he is trying to stay focused and I know that I am not being the most supportive girlfriend, but these 8 days can not go fast enough. He will finish the test in time for me to move out of San Diego. I’m so stressed about us not being able to see each other and what we will do when I move that I am almost too exhausted to enjoy the time we get to spend together. Hopefully when the test is over we can finally have a few seconds to have a normal relationship.

The boy keeps trying to remind me that this is all temporary and that everything he is doing now is so that he can get himself a good solid career that will take care of us and our munchkins for the next 60 years, so what is a couple of months of being tired and cranky when the rest of our lives will be great. I just hope that I am not too tired to enjoy it when it finally comes around.

A Scamp Insured

Posted on by erranteditor

I may be paying off my loan for the rest of my life thanks to the loan that I had to take out to move to Scotland, but I got the best news ever in the form of free healthcare for students living in the UK. This was just the break I needed. I spend a lot of money every month on medications to keep me healthy, and I was worried about how all of that was going to work once I moved across the pond. The even better news is that I have free access to a specialist. My doc here already checked out  specialists in Edinburgh, and has given his okay for any of the ones that I choose that are near the campus. While I joke that this makes my mother very happy, truth is, I am happy too. I know that the tart of this adventure is bound to be stressful, and the stress is usually what triggers a down cycle. I cannot afford a down cycle while I am all alone and a long way from home. I was able to talk to a member of the international office and she has a similar illness and she said that the care she has received so far while living in Scotland has been excellent. That is a good sign for me….I hope. After my recent trip to Ireland, and hearing the cab driver’s horror story about waiting almost 48 hours to see a doctor when he was suffering from major heart damage that has me worried. I know that Scotland and Ireland are two completely different countries, but that story made me feel a little nervous. I’m going to try and be as careful as possible while I am gone.

Now with that taken care of, the only things that I have left to do is pay my tuition and fill out my visa application. The last one is the most of my stress lately. I am hoping that the process goes smoothly, but I have a feeling it is going to be a nightmare. I am trying not to be a negative Nancy about the process, but so far everything has been fairly easy and everyone that I come in contact with has been so helpful and nice, that I can’t help but think that something is going to go wrong. I have been trying to do all I can to make myself an attractive candidate for a visa, but I have heard horror stories about UK visas. I have a friend who offered to help me and answer any questions that I might have. but she has enough going on in her life, that I do not feel it would be fair of me to bother her with questions. Luckily I don’t have to tackle any of those issues today…..but come Monday, that fun boat leaves the dock.