On average I take about ten pills a day. That is how many it takes to keep this scamp going. I take one pill to keep me going during the day, one pill to help me sleep at night, two pills to fight the pain, three pills to supplement my shitty diet, one to battle the depression that comes with being sick, and one to regulate my body with all of the other crazy things going on. Some days I feel like drug addict because of my complete reliance on these drugs to get me through the day. Many days I am so tired that I can barely remember what I did during the day, but overall, I feel lucky that my disease has not progressed very quickly and I am a lot better off than I could be.
The pills and the daily ins and outs of my disease are not the only things that have me exhausted. My upcoming move and the the California State Bar exam have also been pushing me to my limits. My boyfriend claims I have been very understanding and been great throughout the whole process, but the truth of the matter is I’ve been a pain in the ass. He has been great about having dinner with me or giving me an hour or two a day as well as the occasional sleepover, but I usually pout and make sad faces when I have to leave. I know that he is trying to stay focused and I know that I am not being the most supportive girlfriend, but these 8 days can not go fast enough. He will finish the test in time for me to move out of San Diego. I’m so stressed about us not being able to see each other and what we will do when I move that I am almost too exhausted to enjoy the time we get to spend together. Hopefully when the test is over we can finally have a few seconds to have a normal relationship.
The boy keeps trying to remind me that this is all temporary and that everything he is doing now is so that he can get himself a good solid career that will take care of us and our munchkins for the next 60 years, so what is a couple of months of being tired and cranky when the rest of our lives will be great. I just hope that I am not too tired to enjoy it when it finally comes around.