Today the sun came out. Not only did the sun come out, but it was 63 degrees! My legs saw the sun today. I wore my toms instead of boots and tights. I walked around without a jacket. I felt great.
Until I didn’t.
I only have ten days left of my adventure here and I have come to the realization that I do not want to go home. I like the safety of my Scotland bubble. There are no painful memories here, no worries about a social circle and friends, and in my little fantasy land, there is no worries about bills, my lack of job and paying for school next semester. I ran out of time to travel, and was unable to see some of the other parts of the UK that I thought I would get to. The end has snuck up on me. I’m not ready. I still have yet to hear from my supervisor about a meeting and have to wait until tomorrow to get the paperwork signed for my leave of absence. I know that I pushed a lot of this to the last minute, but I am a little disheartened at the lack of support from the professors. I hope this isn’t a pattern that will be repeated for the next four months. It will be harder for me to get things done when I am more than 5,000 miles away.
Today I was up at half 6. I read 3/4 of a Stephanie Plum novel before I finally got up and decided to start the day. I’mm not sure what has been disrupting my sleep pattern, but it is on the fritz lately. I have been having nightmares about David which leave me feeling sad and empty, and I am worried about my dissertation and the research that I am doing. I know that these two things are just a product of stress, but I am worried that they will take over and I will go back to being dark and twisty. I don’t want to be dark and twisty.
Last night I packed up parts of my room to ship home. That made the end of the journey seem more real. Today I took the first box to the post office to send on home. While that doesn’t seem like a hard task, I had to carry the box and walk the 10 minutes to the office. The box didn’t seem heavy, but by the time I reached my destination, my arms wanted to fall off. I still have two more boxes that have to be walked and shipped. I’m thinking I am going to wait until Thursday to do the second box and I will take care of the third one on Monday. In the meantime, I am going to do some pushups and work out my little chicken arms.
I need a pint….or maybe three.