Nothing says “I love you” like a sign that says WELCOME HOME SHITHEAD in Scots Gaelic. The sign is currently holding a place of honor in my bedroom. It speaks to my family as a whole, but more importantly it was made by my mom and my sister, both of whom came to get me at the airport. It was a really long day of travel. Really long. I have never been more happy to get off a plane. Never so happy to see my family.

I had a horrible headache when I landed, but that didn’t really dampen my excitement for being home. I slept in my own bed with real pillows, ate warm food that was properly cooked, and am back in texting range with the people here. It was very surreal. Even after being here for almost two days, I still haven’t processed the fact that I am not going back to Scotland. It doesn’t feel real yet that I am now living here again. I feel bad because I blew off everything yesterday, including a chance to see my OMGBFF. I got a new American phone, got some unpacking done, and drove my car around a little. The sun was out, I was wearing a dress, and the small breeze moved the air around just enough to make the day extremely pleasant. Despite all of that, all I really wanted to do was curl up in my bed and hide from the world. Even now, I am putting off reading and work in favor of sitting by the pool in the sun and surfing the internet.

I keep thinking about my friends in Scotland. I wonder what they are doing, I miss eating breakfast and dinner with them, having random movie nights or dinner parties with them, and I feel much the same way that I did when I first left here in September, I am now out of sight and out of mind. Their worlds will continue on like I was never there. While it feels good to be home, I feel really out of place. On the one hand, I am very comfortable here, everything feels familiar and inviting, but on the other, I feel like I don’t belong here yet. It still feels a bit like a vacation. I’m hoping that feeling goes away so that I can settle into a work schedule and start to get things back on track.

For right now though, a nap in the sun is just what I need.