This weekend I have the house to myself, and instead of having a raging party like most kids home alone for the weekend would do, I took the time to crack open my books and do my first homework assignment. Technically the book should have been read during the summer, and while I was writing my dissertation, the book sat on my dresser and collected dust.

I don’t want to read the book. In fact, I cleaned the house today just so I wouldn’t have to read it. The book is a freshman level philosophy book to get us to start thinking about the philosophical ideas that underpin our own teaching practices. I’ve known that answer since I started teaching, and while I am sure it will change over time,  right now I feel good about the old dead white guys whose theories have shaped my teaching. The one thing that worried me about the books and the presentation that we got in class on Tuesday, is that while my school of thought is part of the presentation, the theorists and scholars mentioned on the slides are not the big names in the field. In fact, the names that I expected are not even anywhere on the list. I recognize that I am partial to the theorists that I know, and I am looking forward to learning about the men listed on the slide, but I have to write a final about the theory of my choice and who is a part of it, and I am worried that all of the research I have collected for the last two years to use in my dissertation for CSUF may now have to be expanded to include theorists and ideas that I don’t necessarily like.

While trying to sort out how I felt about teaching, I thought about whether or not the same theories apply to the way I am outside of the classroom. I have recently had the chance to reconnect with two people who are very important to me. One of them lets me ramble and talk nonsense and then helps me sort through the issues and look at things logically. She is the one who best understands philosophy, and has lived a life full of adventure, so I feel that she understands most of the angles that I am coming from. The other one, well, that one asks me hard questions that force me to really think about myself and why I make the choices that I do.It is from conversations with him that I really think about myself….which makes me uncomfortable most of the time.  He has a strong scientific mind, and looks at the world in a way I can’t see. We live a strange existence together, but it works, and I get to exercise my mind in the process.

The thing is, my philosophy is pretty much the same. I’m a critical thinker through and through. I spend a lot of time questioning and analyzing everyone and everything around me, and I do it too so I can get the answers that I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Now if only I can use that as a justification for being difficult, or being a hermit….no one notices if you get stuck in your head or ask too many questions if you are a hermit.

Time to get past chapter 4 in the book. The house is clean, I have surfed the Chive and the Berry, and emptied my brain of all non school related thoughts, I will go back to trying to be a good student.