In the last 24 hours I have spent more time on campus then I have at home. I spent the day reviewing statistics and writing a paper that will hopefully change the lives of three hundred people.
I rewarded myself with an hour by the pool today. My first tan of the summer. Armed with a trashy romance novel, a hat, and sunscreen for the ink, I set out to unwind after a really really really long and emotional few days.
The trashy romance novel was bad (is bad), but there was a part of it that really stuck with me.
I used to believe that time was linear, that one event followed another. One action; one consequence. However, now, I sometimes have the sense that everything, all that I know, believe and experience happens in a great swoop of chaotic activity like the tumbling of dice in a cup.
This pretty much sums up my life right now….that great swoop of chaotic activity.
This pretty much sums up my life for the last year. I have been a swirl of work, school, homework, and a bad relationship. In 15 days I will celebrate one year of being back in the States. I say celebrate, but it is not really a celebration. I have been here for almost 365 days, but I have yet to really come home.
While I wish the tan and trashy romance novels were really how I was getting ready for summer, in truth, the way I am getting ready for summer has more to do with Excel spreadsheets, educational history, philosophies, and leadership frameworks. I will find time to feed my tanning addiction, but it will be with color coded flashcards, Paulo Freire, and Frederick Irving Herzberg. I have three classes and a qualifying exam this summer, so it will be a little more work and a little less fun. It is very reminiscent of the place I was in last year when I was writing my thesis…..well, ok, I wasn’t in class two days a week for 6 hours at a time, there was no need to learn about budget and finance, and there was no grueling (and somewhat pointless) test to take, but the feeling of a summer of discontent is pretty close to the same. I am not worried about passing the exam. I don’t want to take it, but I know that if I spend the summer properly preparing, I will have no trouble writing two very well thought out essays.
…as long as I can fund the motivation to do what I know needs to get done.
I have to keep reminding myself that I chose this. I signed up to get the degree, and that means doing all of the ridiculous things that come with it. The good thing is, if I survive the summer then I will be that much closer to being able to do my own research. I am very much looking forward to that day.
I’m 33% done with the program.
That is 33% closer to being called Dr. Scamp and moving on to my next adventure.