After my less-than-relaxing holiday in Majorca, I made my annual trip to California. I try to go to California every year in July, when the weather is warm and my workload is the lowest.

I needed this holiday. I was burned out at work and in desperate need of a tan. Little did I know that this trip home would be one of the most important of my life.

The sun and the heat were great. I was there for the 4th of July, which meant the annual parade in the town where my parents live. I helped my mom clean out her closets and found all kinds of photos from when I was a kid. I even crashed my parents’ anniversary dinner for the third year in a row.

One of the best things about being in California in July is that I also get to celebrate my nephew’s birthday. I make him a whatever kind of cake he wants, and we usually go to the aquarium so that he can see sharks and feed the birds.

I made time this trip to have breakfast with my first friend. We’ve known each other since we were 5, and it was nice to catch up on life and talk about all the people that we grew up with. Although my life took a very different path, she is still friends with a lot of the people I grew up with, so it is nice for me to hear about how all of them are doing.

The most meaningful part of this trip though, was the chance to have lunch with my brother. He had all but disappeared for years. He told my mom he was busy with work and wouldn’t come to holidays or be able to visit when I came to town. Before this visit, I hadn’t seen him in person in over 2 years. In reality, he was super depressed and had gained a lot of weight. He was ashamed and didn’t want anyone to know. A few months before I visited, he had finally come clean to my mom and was making changes. He was never very good at texting back, but he called me to chat about a book series he was reading that he thought I would like. I told him he didn’t have to come visit, but he decided to put his feelings aside and come see me for lunch.

I forced him to download Whatsapp in front of me and while my parents went to pick up lunch, I made him promise that he wouldn’t hide anymore. He had to text me and he couldn’t go a month without a text. We watched stupid videos and talked about books, and after lunch, I gave him a hug, told him I loved him and he left.

I didn’t know it at the time, but that would be the last time that I saw him. Less than a month later, I would be back in California so that I could collect his ashes and help my mom sort out all of the things that come with someone dying suddenly. I will forever be grateful that my last words to him out loud were that I loved him and was happy he made the drive to see me.