erranteditor

The Scamp in Scotland

Posted on June 24, 2015 by erranteditor

…..kinda. I’m currently in Birmingham, England at a conference on assessment in higher education. I was supposed to attend the conference with my supervisor, but he hurt his back, and decided it was best if he stayed home. I’ve never been to Birmingham, but luckily the train station, hotel, and conference center are all less than ten minutes from each other. I’ve already decided which lectures I am attending, but now I have to network on my own, and eat dinner solo. I’m not good at those sorts of things. I am horribly antisocial, and I have a lot of work to do to make up for the things that I did not do whilst in Spain (I also have a lot of writing to do about my trip, but that will have to wait). It is also strange to be one of the youngest people here, and one of the few from the States. Already today someone told me that I have a fantastic accent, which is not something that I get to hear very often.

My first day back in Scotland was not a pleasant one until dinner time. I spent the whole day on campus meeting with my supervisors face-to-face, and trying to sort out what my schedule will look like for the next three years. I was unprepared for the fact that they see the research I am doing for the school, and my PhD as two separate projects, with two separate papers to be completed. I’ll be running data for 16 programs, complete with questionnaires, focus groups, and interviews, and from that, I will have to find a little bit of data to use for my PhD. On top of that, I am working on two projects with other professors in regards to gender and assessment, and social justice, equality, and assessment feedback. Each one of these would produce enough results for four separate dissertations, and I am slowly seeing my free time slipping away. On the upside, I have my own desk, a work phone, and really fantastic people supporting me. One of my supervisors took me to lunch and told me that she was the one I could call when I needed to vent, scream, or cry to, while the enthusiasm of the man in charge of me is completely contagious. I left the meeting with them excited, scared, and ready to get to work.

I wish I could say that they were a representation of the school. The rest of the day went downhill from there. The school refuses to reinstate the number I need for my visa, and after a trek to a campus 30 minutes walk from where I am based, I was informed that I am here illegally, and that they will not allow me to apply for the visa from the UK. This was said rather loudly, and in full range of all the other people working in the office, and it was all I could do not to cry in the office. I was so turned around when I left that I almost ended up on the wrong bus, and I walked into the wrong bank to try and make a deposit into my Scottish account (Note to self, The Royal Bank of Scotland and the Bank of Scotland are not the same). I had to use some fancy talk to get a new phone since I do not have a permanent address in Scotland yet, and I generally felt like I had been run ragged before I made it to dinner with one of my best friends.

Thank God for wine and good banter. Seeing Lozza after almost two years was fantastic. Meeting her fella was just as great as he is a wonderful guy, and she looks so stinkin’ happy with him. I was in fine form with the poor boy, but he was a great sport about it. I look forward to when I can cook them a proper Mexican feast, and more crazy catch-up sessions. It is nice to know that there is a friendly face in the crowd for bad days.

I now have a meeting with the international office to see about sorting me out with a visa, but I am not above crying and then going to the American consulate to get what I want. I know that things will work out, but I am just hoping that it is sooner rather than later, and that I don’t have to threaten bodily harm to make it happen.

The Scamp in the Jewish Quarter

Posted on June 14, 2015 by erranteditor

According to Sacred Destinations:

Córdoba’s old Jewish quarter (Juderia in Spanish) consists of a fascinating network of narrow lanes, more atmospheric and less commercialized than in Seville.

The Jews were established in Cordoba in Roman and Visigothic times. Under Arab rule after the 8th century, Jewish life and intellectualism flourished.

Hasfai Ibn Shaprut, a Jewish doctor, diplomat and scholar served under the Moorish rulers and attracted intellectuals to the court. His family’s subsequent wealth and power were major factors in the wealthy and vibrant Jewish community of Cordoba at that time.

Maimonides, the most famous Jewish philosopher and author of the Mishneh Torah, was born in Cordoba in 1125. A statue to his honor stands in Tiberiadus Square in the Juderia.

The entrance gate, La Puerta de Almodavar, has a statue of Seneca and forms part of the western boundary of the Juderia. The Juderia reaches as far as Calle El Rey Heredia to the northeast and the Mosque to the south.

The main attraction of the Juderia is Cordoba’s ancient synagogue, on Calle de los Judios (Street of the Jews).

Today the Juderia is also known for its jewelry and silversmith shops.

Finally a place that I wanted to visit. The synagogue was a small building, and it is no longer in working order, but it was beautiful. Spain is not a place that loves the Jews. Before coming on the trip, we were warned about wearing our Star of David, and saying anything about being Jewish, and for the last ten days, I have seen nothing of the anti-Semitic attitude of Spain, but today I was able to see it a little bit. In Cordoba, there is just the one, and in Seville, all of the Jewish temples and synagogues have been turned into churches, convents, restaurants, and even a parking lot. The tour that we are on is full of people all over the world, but my mom and I are the only Jews. When we were on the walk with the group, they did not want to go to the Jewish quarter, and when we were there, they took pictures of all of the crosses that have been put up in the quarter. They did not appreciate the history, and the significance of the area, and when we passed the statue of Hasfai Ibn Shaprut, the group made jokes about rubbing his feet to shine his shoes or win the lottery. Jewish people rub his feet for good health, and because he is a well respected member of the community.

I have seen more churches and cathedrals than I care to count, and I have been nothing but respectful to the site. I am not a Christian or a Catholic, but I can admire the beautiful buildings, and the importance of each of the buildings to the people who embrace the religion. I do not make jokes, take pictures with the rubber chicken, or make fun of anyone who stops to pray at any of the alters. I was raised to respect other people and their beliefs and customs, whether I understood them or not. I was ready to scream today. I could not believe that these grown adults acted this way. My dad told me to let it go, but it really got me all riled up. I’m way behind in the detailing of this trip and all of the things that I have done, but this was one thing that I really really really wanted to do. I almost let these people ruin it for me.

This was the first time in 10 days that we had a chance to slow down a bit and really explore our surroundings. I loved Corduba and Seville, and was glad that we had an honest chance to take in the culture. I have been running nonstop since June 5th, and I have somehow managed to catch a horrible cold, and I am still trying to sort out the problems with the visa for my upcoming move to Scotland. I’m stressed, scared, in a lot of pain, and have to be on the move again in 12 hours. I’ve seen so many things that they all seem the same, and if it wasn’t for Google and the hundreds of pictures I have taken, I would have forgotten what I saw. We still have 7 days of rushing from city to city in Spain, and I am not sure I am going to make it if I have to see one more church on this trip.

But today we got lost in the city, and found something incredible. Today I got to see a little bit of the tortured Jewish people in this beautiful place.

The Scamp Cries in Portugal

Posted on June 11, 2015 by erranteditor

I’m on vacation. I should be writing about all of the wonderful things I am doing and seeing, but I got an email from the school in Scotland that they put a hold on my admittance because the visa was not completed. This comes after the government told me that I could apply for the visa from Scotland.

The worst part of this is that my supervisor emailed me to let me know….not the admittance office. Now, if I do not get it sorted out before the 21st, I will have to return to the States until I can get the visa sorted.

I cried in a hotel hallway today. The tour guide for the trip saw me, and my parental units tried to calm me down, but I am so frustrated with the process, and so frustrated with the fact that I have to do everything the hard way. I wanted the process to be easy. Now, I might have to cancel the conference booking, and a lot of my stuff is already on the way to Scotland as I type this. I’m a mess. A hot freaking mess. I do not want to be a mess. I want to be enjoying my vacation and writing about everything that is going on here.

I hate paperwork, and I hate bureaucracy.

The Scamp Abroad

Posted on June 10, 2015 by erranteditor

There is so much to say about being in Spain and Portugal, but for now, all I can say is my Spanish is better than I thought, and Portuguese is a very difficult language to understand.

I’ve seen so much and done some much in the last few days, that a short post before I am due at dinner will not cut it, but I have been finding it difficult to get any writing done at night. I’m so tired that I fall into bed and sleep like the dead until the wake-up call. I promise I will sit down and write about everything on the next bit of down time, but what I can say right now is that I am really happy to be out of the United States, and exploring a little bit more of Europe.

The Scamp at 300

Posted on June 5, 2015 by erranteditor

Congratulations! You are reading my 300th post. I think that it is very fitting that number 300 comes on my last night as a resident of the United States. This is the day I thought would never come. This is the day I have been trying to get to for two long years. This is the day that makes the emotionally abusive relationship worth it, the bullying, abuse, and eventual expulsion form CSUF worth it, and all of the therapy very very worth it. In the year and some change that it took me to get from 200 to 300, I learned so much about not only myself, but the world around me.

I learned that I no longer fit in in California. That was a hard lesson for me to learn. I spent almost a year trying really really hard to like it here and be happy, when it just isn’t who I am anymore. I have had some times here, and will carry some great memories with me, but this is no longer home. It took me almost another year to come to terms with it, and realize that it is okay that I no longer fit here. I always say that I am a Flamingo in a flock of pigeons. I use to say it to make people laugh, but I always saw it as a bad thing. I thought I should want to be a pigeon. I should want to be just like everyone else.

That is the dumbest thing I have ever admitted to the public (there have been a lot of things I have done, said, or thought that are really dumb, but a girl has to have some secrets). It has taken me a long time, but I am learning to embrace my inner flamingo. When I am in Scotland I can be a flamingo, and since I don’t know of another bird that can do yoga, I am going to rock the shit out of being a flamingo. That includes wearing colorful yoga pants, finishing my sleeve of colorful tattoos, and rocking flowers in my hair.

I learned that sometimes life sucks. I know that I will never see justice for what happened to me at CSUF, but that is how the real world works. Sometimes bad things happen to (mostly) good people. I will have to pay back the $30,000 in loans, and I will have nothing to show for it. My mom told me that everyone has bought a lemon, or invested in something that has failed, and that CSUF is my lemon. Pretty much everyone knows what happened to me now, and it still makes me mad, but I have to trust that there is a lesson in that experience that I will be able to use one day. I’m not 100% certain what that lesson is yet, but I have faith that it will become clear someday. I learned a lot about how to play the political game, how to stand up for myself and what I believe in, and that if you do not stick to your values then they are just hobbies.

I learned the power of therapy. I’m pretty sure therapy saved my life. Had I not had that available to me for the last year, I do not know if I would have survived the CSUF experience. Thursday mornings were my coping. I spent a lot of time trying to work through what was happening to me, and work out ways to cope with how I was feeling. My depression would have gotten a lot worse, had I not made the decision to get some real help. That program broke me. I spent much of this last year crying and hiding under my covers hoping that the storm would crash. My therapist helped me get out of bed, helped me not become an actual racist, and helped me realize that there was absolutely nothing wrong with my character. I used to think that therapy was something that I needed to hide, like it was a dirty little secret, but I have to say, I feel like a much stronger person than I was two years ago, and I think a part of that is because therapy kept me out of the dark and twisty.

I learned that I am willing to fight for the friendships and connections that matter. I’ve kept in touch with most of the people I was in Scotland with, and I am now seeing the long list of people here that are worth the effort to keep in contact with. I also feel like I am about to meet a whole bunch of new people, and those are the people that I will keep around for a long long time. I’m always worried about making friends because I am not really good at being social, but I am no longer worried about that. I know that I will become that obnoxious person who introduces myself to people, and before I know it, I will have sweet-talked my way into a lord’s heart and will get the castle wedding and the title that everyone here wants me to have (ok, I will get a puppy, talk to him, and pretend that is being social).

Most importantly, I learned that sometimes you need a fresh start to really become who you are supposed to be. Scotland is my fresh start. I never would have made it there if I had not gone through all the shit of the last two years. Scotland is my chance to really grow and become the person that I want to be (and the scenery, history, and people don’t hurt either). In three short years I will be Dr. Scamp, and in five short years I will be a permanent resident of the UK.

Most people say that it is bad luck to say “goodbye”, and that you should say “see you later.” They say that “goodbye” is permanent. Well, today, I would like to say goodbye to my life here, and to the person that I was. Tomorrow I start fresh being the badass flamingo that I am.

“I was trying to feel some kind of good-bye. I mean I’ve left schools and places I didn’t even know I was leaving them. I hate that. I don’t care if it’s a sad good-bye or a bad good-bye, but when I leave a place I like to know I’m leaving it. If you don’t you feel even worse.”
― J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

Adventure here I come.

The Scamp and a Puzzle

Posted on June 4, 2015 by erranteditor

My brother-in-law bought me a 3D crystal castle puzzle from Disneyland. The thing has 106 pieces, that are all clear plastic, and no instructions. The box says it is for children 12+.

Really, what they meant was the puzzle is for anyone who has 12+ years experience with architectural engineering, and can put together IKEA furniture blindfolded. It took me an hour just to figure out what the base pieces looked like and how they fit together.

The idea is was that I take the puzzle with me to Scotland so I have something to remind me home……so far, the only thing it has given me is a headache. I have three college degrees, but this thing might get the best of me.

I only have two days left in the US, and this is not really something that I should be focusing on. I still have some boxes that need to be added to, one that needs to be ready to ship, and a few follow-up emails to send. I’m not ready. I wanted to lose ten pounds before I went, wanted to have every little detail solved, and wanted to feel as excited and nervous, and scared as I felt last time I went. This time I do not feel anything either way. I’m eager to start my vacation, eager to make it to Scotland and meet my supervisors face to face, and I am excited to see how crazy it will be to get all of my boxes to my house and get myself moved in. I think that I will feel different once I get on the plane, but honestly, this vacation has been on the books so long, that I am not sure that I actually believe that it is finally here.

Pirate Rubber Chicken and I are ready for vacation though. We are definitely ready for vacation.

The Scamp Gets Tattooed (again)

Posted on June 3, 2015 by erranteditor

My dad is going to kill me….

It was nice knowing everyone.

The Scamp and Her First Friend

Posted on June 2, 2015 by erranteditor

In the next round of goodbyes, I was able to do a little day drinking with the very first friend I ever made. We met in kindergarten, and went all the way through high school together. Over the years we have had more of a casual contact with each other (thanks adulthood), but when David cheated on me, she was one of the first people to email my mom for my address, and she sent me all kinds of goodies and a really really great card. When I came back, she invited me out with her friends a few times, and although we hadn’t seen each other in a year, she made it a point to see me before I left again. We spent a good three and half hours catching up, and we didn’t have to try and force conversation about people we used to know. We still have quite a bit in common (she liked skydiving too!), and it was a really nice way to spend my last Monday in California. She again reminded me that I spend way too much time worrying about the people that aren’t there for me, and not enough time appreciating the people that are.

I forgot how much I enjoyed hanging out with her until we got together, and then I kicked myself for not being better at getting drinks or dinner, ore staying in contact more.

You can bet I will be better about it now. She’s one of the good ones, and we have 23 years of friendship and counting. I’ve already told her to come visit, and promised to flood her husband with pictures of Scotland so he will see the magic.

And, because I know she is a reader of this, and she will laugh at this as much as I did, here is a throwback circa the 90s when we were Girl Scouts….enjoy

The Scamp Gets Nostalgic

Posted on June 2, 2015 by erranteditor

Photo courtesy of Shot Happens

The Scamp and a Bon Voyage

Posted on June 1, 2015 by erranteditor

Yesterday I made the second round of goodbyes. I invited friends and family to come hang out with me at a little brewery by my parent’s house. I honestly thought no one would show up. I’m not sure why, but I have a strong desire to be missed by the people here, and I had a feeling my piss poor attitude for the last two years put a damper on people who would be sad to see me go.

Boy was I wrong. 30 people came to see me off, and those that couldn’t make it called, texted, or made some time to see me in the next four days. I am truly humbled by all the love that I got. I keep telling everyone to come and visit, and I sincerely mean it. I hope they all get a chance at some point to come see me in natural habitat, super happy and thriving. In the meantime, I have all of their addresses, so I can send snarky postcards, hot kilted men with beards, shortbread cookies, and fine wool accessories. There is still time to get on the list, so anyone who wants on it, shoot me a message, and consider it done.

Here are a few snaps from the day. Please ignore my horribly sunburned neck. In an attempt to be the most tan person in Scotland, I got a little crispy.