The Scamp Abroad

A Scampaversary

Posted on May 19, 2014 by erranteditor

Today marks one year that I have been back in the States.

12 months. 52 weeks. 365 days. 8,760 hours. 525,600 minutes. 31,536,000 seconds.

Not that I am counting.

I actually cannot believe that it has been a year already. That means I have completed my dissertation. That means that I have graduated from the University of Edinburgh. That means I went back to Scotland to attend my graduation.That means that I am about 1/3 of the way done with my doctoral program. That means I am getting ready to take the qualifying exam to stay in the program. That means I am about to kiss my summer goodbye.

That means I have spent 12 months. 52 weeks. 365 days. 8,760 hours. 525,600 minutes. 31,536,000 seconds missing Scotland.

One year later and I am still grieving the loss my life there. I miss the people, I miss the adventure, I miss the friends that I made there.

In one of the first classes I took at the University of Edinburgh we read an article about reverse culture shock. “Reverse culture shock is experienced when returning to a place that one expects to be home but actually is no longer, is far more subtle, and therefore, more difficult to manage than outbound shock precisely because it is unexpected and unanticipated,” says Dean Foster, founder and president of DFA Intercultural Global Solutions, a firm that provides intercultural training and coaching worldwide.

I read the article, participated in the discussion for the class, and didn’t give reverse culture shock another thought.

Smash cut to a month ago when I finally figured out everything that was making me unhappy here.

I miss Scotland. I left my heart there, and despite the “on paper” appearance of everything being great here, all that I really did was put off actually dealing with being back in California. I came home and jumped into my dissertation. When that was completed, I started the doctoral program. After the first semester in the program, I picked up a third job. Somewhere in all of that, I also tried to find happiness with a boy. In short, I did everything but try to adjust to what life is now like for me here.

In short, it sucks. I don’t fit in here. I will always be a California kid, but I no longer want to be a California adult. I make no secret of telling people that I plan to go back overseas the minute I can, and I am not kidding. Since I cannot pack up and leave tomorrow, I will console myself with trips overseas to see my friends when I can, and work as hard as I can right now to make myself a really good Kim for my next overseas adventure.

I will graduate in exactly 2 years from today. That is 24 months. 104 weeks. 730 days. 17,531 hours.

Not that I am counting.

The good thing is, I can, and plan to, get a lot done in that time.

The Scamp and Pragmatism

Posted on May 18, 2014 by erranteditor

prag·ma·tism

noun \ˈprag-mə-ˌti-zəm\

: a reasonable and logical way of doing things or of thinking about problems that is based on dealing with specific situations instead of on ideas and theories (Merriam-Webster.com/pragmatism)

Today I started studying for the qualifying exam that I will have to take in August. I’m 100% sure that I will pass the exam if I properly prepare. To do this, I have to pick at least 4 philosophies to know forwards and backwards, have an extensive knowledge of organizational leadership frames (hello class I slept through this semester), and be able to reference history and important legislation.

Easy peasy. right?

Today I started outlining the first of the 4 philosophies. I’ve picked ones that I can relate to each other, and ones that closely align with the organizational leadership styles that we have to use so that all of my answers fit together like a nice little jigsaw puzzle. I’m not sure why I decided to start with pragmatism other than the fact that it lends itself well to some of the leadership theories we discussed this semester and I love to pretend that I am logical in my thoughts and actions. I like to think that if I am logical about what needs to be studied, and how I go about making sure all of the info stays in my brain, then I will pass.

It should work, right?

I’ve realized that studying on my own is never going to work. I’ve made plans to meet with a study group, but might have to find a way to work in more than one. I realize that right now, I am too easily distracted by my messy emotional state. I do not want to fail this test. I do not want to have to take it again.

In the meantime, I am going to chain myself to my desk and outlining, drafting, and crafting responses to any question or scenario that might get thrown at me in a few months.

Today I even got the perfect present for studying.

The Scamp and the Travel Bug

Posted on May 13, 2014 by erranteditor

This summer there is an alumni event for the University of Edinburgh in Toronto. I am not Canadian, and the three days of Canadian alumni themed lectures and activities. There is no reason for me to go. I’d have to take two days off of work, miss one of the summer school classes, and would lose a day or two of studying for the qualifying exam.

There is also the small detail of paying for a plane ticket.

So why I am thinking about going? Seriously, seriously considering it. One of my good friends lives in Toronto and would be down for a visit, I’ve never been to Canada, and I am feeling restless here. This weekend will mark my one year anniversary of being back in the States, and I have yet to really readjust to the life I have here.

So while I should be studying for my last final of the semester, I am looking up flights to Toronto and trying to figure out if I can really afford the trip both monetarily and in terms of time.

The Scamp Perseveres

Posted on May 12, 2014 by erranteditor

“You must read, you must persevere, you must sit up nights, you must inquire, and exert the utmost power of your mind. If one way does not lead to the desired meaning, take another; if obstacles arise, then still another; until, if your strength holds out, you will find that clear which at first looked dark.”
― Giovanni Boccaccio

Ed.D Phase

Scamp Distractions

Image | Posted on May 9, 2014 by erranteditor

The Scamp and a Pirate Rubber Chicken

Posted on May 6, 2014 by erranteditor

I’m jealous of a dog toy.

Not just any dog toy. I am jealous of a Pirate Rubber chicken. Most people know of his adventures (and if not, you can find it here: https://ascampabroad.wordpress.com/2013/04/14/the-scamp-and-a-rubber-pirate-chicken/). I am jealous because PRC gets to travel the world, visiting places I want to visit and spending time with people that I miss.

He was with me in Scotland, and then went back at my graduation.

When I left Scotland, PRC went to Lyon, France with one of my favorite people. She took him all over her home, and treated him to a very happy Christmas

From Lyon, he made his way to Talin, Estonia. He had the pleasure of staying with another of my favorite people from Scotland. She is on a teaching assignment there. After a few days in the cold he made his way to Malta and then to visit Mt. Etna. He certainly got to see some nice places (and make some new friends) on that leg of his journey.

PRC likes warm weather though, so from Estonia, he moved on to Berowa, Australia. I have had a deep love affair with Australia since I was younger, and it just so happens that I was lucky enough to meet a lovely family who lives there when I was in Ireland two years ago. The head of the house is a wonderful man with an amazing sense of humor. He agreed to host Chicken for awhile.

From there, PRC made his way to his current lodgings in Canterbury. He is going to have great fun learning maths, and hanging out with one of my favorite Irishman. It looks like he is already having a good time.

I know it seems silly to be jealous of a toy, but it is not really that he gets to travel (although that is what I would love to be doing), but it is the fact that he gets to visit all of these people that I love and miss. When he made it to England, my trusty Irishman said that having Chicken made him miss me all that much more.

The feeling is mutual. I miss each and every person that Chicken has visited. I love that my friends have been so willing to take him and take funny pictures of him in their travels. My goal is to visit all of the places that the chicken has been and reunite with all of the amazing people that have been part of his journey.

If anyone would like to host chicken, feel free to send me your address and I will send him for a visit. If you would like to follow his travels, you can like his page and follow him here: https://www.facebook.com/piraterubberchicken4

The Scamp and an Action Summary

Posted on May 5, 2014 by erranteditor

One thing about this program, they love their end of the year action summaries.

How well do you feel you did this semester?

What did you learn from the class? From your fellow students?

How will this impact your studies and your work in your profession?

or, in the case of this paper:

Students will provide a two page final summary of self-reflection, learning, and action inclusive of

Evaluation of the students’ own effort, attendance, participation and engagement.
Reflection on the class and student’s own learning process and outcome from class presentations, discussions, readings, and assignments.
Student’s insights to ways in which the learning outcomes will be applied to student’s current personal/professional leadership roles and lives.

Please note that grades given for this assignment will incorporate class participation, class attendance, and reflection summary paper.

Great. I just love the fact that I have to discuss the fact that I was a sloppy hot mess this semester and have no idea what was said in half the class meetings.

I could have approached this one of two ways:

1. I could have put my rhetoric degree to good use and lied my fucking ass off. I could have spun a beautiful tale about how I am now a better leader because I learned 20 new leadership frames and models, and because I was 100% invested in the class. I could have written poetry about how the class, and the learning outcomes have made me a more take charge person at work who appreciates diversity, acts as a change agent, and is a strong critical thinker.

2. I could have been honest, admitted that I was a shit student this semester because I let a while lot of personal stuff get in the way, and talked about the two, maybe three classes I paid attention to and how hard I worked on the papers and assignments so as not to let my group members down.

Door number 1 would have been more fun. I have not had the chance to do much creative writing lately….even this little free writing space has become more of a dark and twisty spiral of my inner thoughts…..not very creative.

Door number 2 is real though.

I of course went with door number 2. I was honest that I was a bit distracted during class, but that I did put in the time and effort in regards to the assignments. That part was at least the truth. I have been working my butt off on the case study work, and I am actually quite proud of the work we did in that arena. Of course, the fact that we will be presenting that to the president of the college, and working on getting it published was a strong motivator. I was honest about how there were a few of the books that were presented this semester that I could use, and how I learned from the ones that I didn’t like.

The last part was challenging. I had to connect the learning outcomes to my job. Right now, my job requires me to dust shelves and read call numbers….not exactly the place to practice being a change agent (don’t get me wrong, I would burn that place to ground and start over to make it more effective if I could. I just don’t plan to stick around beyond August, so I am not going to stir the pot right now). The other thing that I was very honest about was the fact that it is hard to promote diversity seeing as our class is not always the most accepting of diverse opinions. This is something I will probably get smacked for later on, but I feel like it had to be said. If we are going to become great leaders, we shouldn’t pick and choose our words so we aren’t labeled as a racist. I’ve already been labeled a racist twice in this program, and considering I am only vaguely racist when the humor fits, I am not really content with the label.

Last time I wrote an action summary for this professor, I got an 8/10. Apparently I my writing was not that good…..or my participation sucked. I wrote more of a door number 1 option last time…..God help me for the grade honesty will get me.

A Scamp Gets Ready for Summer

Posted on May 4, 2014 by erranteditor

In the last 24 hours I have spent more time on campus then I have at home. I spent the day reviewing statistics and writing a paper that will hopefully change the lives of three hundred people.

I rewarded myself with an hour by the pool today. My first tan of the summer. Armed with a trashy romance novel, a hat, and sunscreen for the ink, I set out to unwind after a really really really long and emotional few days.

The trashy romance novel was bad (is bad), but there was a part of it that really stuck with me.

I used to believe that time was linear, that one event followed another. One action; one consequence. However, now, I sometimes have the sense that everything, all that I know, believe and experience happens in a great swoop of chaotic activity like the tumbling of dice in a cup.

This pretty much sums up my life right now….that great swoop of chaotic activity.

This pretty much sums up my life for the last year. I have been a swirl of work, school, homework, and a bad relationship. In 15 days I will celebrate one year of being back in the States. I say celebrate, but it is not really a celebration. I have been here for almost 365 days, but I have yet to really come home.

While I wish the tan and trashy romance novels were really how I was getting ready for summer, in truth, the way I am getting ready for summer has more to do with Excel spreadsheets, educational history, philosophies, and leadership frameworks. I will find time to feed my tanning addiction, but it will be with color coded flashcards, Paulo Freire, and Frederick Irving Herzberg. I have three classes and a qualifying exam this summer, so it will be a little more work and a little less fun. It is very reminiscent of the place I was in last year when I was writing my thesis…..well, ok, I wasn’t in class two days a week for 6 hours at a time, there was no need to learn about budget and finance, and there was no grueling (and somewhat pointless) test to take, but the feeling of a summer of discontent is pretty close to the same. I am not worried about passing the exam. I don’t want to take it, but I know that if I spend the summer properly preparing, I will have no trouble writing two very well thought out essays.

…as long as I can fund the motivation to do what I know needs to get done.

I have to keep reminding myself that I chose this. I signed up to get the degree, and that means doing all of the ridiculous things that come with it. The good thing is, if I survive the summer then I will be that much closer to being able to do my own research. I am very much looking forward to that day.

I’m 33% done with the program.

That is 33% closer to being called Dr. Scamp and moving on to my next adventure.

The Scamp and Construction

Posted on May 1, 2014 by erranteditor

Right now it seems like everything in my life is under construction. I live about 30 minutes from the library, and there are four routes (well, three, because I don’t want to get on the freeway at 7:30 am) that I can take to get there. I used to take a new route everyday just to keep myself from getting bored. In March my favorite route was closed to fix some pipes in the street.

The best part of that? It is closed for the next two years! I will just about in the defense stage of my dissertation before the road is open again!

Okay, not a big deal, I still have two more routes to work.

Wrong.

Route three was quickly axed because it takes more than 30 minutes to get to work with trains and traffic, so I gave it up so I could be on time to work and still sleep in a little bit. One route left.

For the last few weeks, everything has been great with that route. I’m getting to work on time, there is no crazy confusing detour, and I’ve only waited for the train to cross once.

Now there is a sign on the main street I take on my last remaining route that is advertising a construction project and warning of possible delays.

Seriously?

To top it off, the City of Walnut has started a construction project on the street in front of the library.

Shoot me now.

If I have to resort to the freeway to get to work, I will quit my job early and sign up for sugardaddies.com.

I’m not even kidding.

The only upside to all of this is that I will not have to be at the library much longer (fingers crossed that my classes at the college don’t get cancelled again) and some of the routes will be open again within the next month. All of the construction also allows me to catch up on all the podcasts I haven’t had the time to listen to lately. Adam Carolla ranting about traffic, people, and the general lack of common sense in the world makes me feel a little better about starting my day in traffic.

The roads in the city are not the only things under construction. I have friends getting married, friends getting ready to have babies, and friends getting ready to make big moves and adult decisions. All of them are under construction for the better.

I am doing none of those things, although, I guess you could say I am under construction. I’m trying to rebuild myself into Kim 2.0 (except, I think I am version 2.0 now, so it is more like 2.5….or 4.0?). It is a slow process. There are no blueprints, no plans, and I am not sure I even have any tools. Luckily the second semester of the program is winding down and I will have a little bit of time before the third semester starts to take a breath, find my center, and work on getting ready for the comprehensive exam in August.

The Scamp and Some Music

Posted on April 26, 2014 by erranteditor

I’m trying to draft Chapter One of my dissertation….trying being the operative word. I needed a book from the library and was thwarted by mother nature. The earthquake a few weeks ago has closed the side of the library with all of the useful books in it, thus, I have to wait maybe another 24 hours before I can get my tiny hands on it. Part of it is my fault for not buying the book last semester, and assuming it was easy to get to today, and part of it is the little patch of bad karma that follows me around to keep me humble. I’ve been writing the paper in stages, and while I only need 4 pages before I have met the page limit, I am having some serious trouble with some of the key sections of the paper. The background of my topic and a general introduction to the paper should not be hard to write, but those few pages are giving me fits. While I try to get them sorted, I have been letting my music play in the background.

The first song that caught my attention was Adele’s version of the Sam Cooke’s “That’s It, I Quit! I’m Moving On”. I have been playing this song (both versions) on repeat lately.

The second song is a new addition to my playlist. One of my favorites turned me on to this week. I’d like to think that if I had a theme song, this one could be it.

I’m a sucker for a stand-up bass.

The next song is one of my all time favorites. I am in awe of her voice, and it is on an album that I listened to on repeat my first few days wandering around Scotland.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Le-3MIBxQTw

The last song is an oldie, but goodie. It has a fun beat, crazy lyrics, and sneaks in one of my favorite dirty words of all time (although in this video it has been edited out)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gpMlAiqcjU

After this song it started to rain….while my kitty was still outside. This meant a long pause on the work and the music to try and track him down before he got soaked……needless to say, we are both wet now. I think that is a sign that it is time for a hot shower and some mindless entertainment in the form of Netflix.

The chapter will keep until tomorrow.