gratitude

The Scamp and the Gratitude Challenge: Week 44 and 45

Posted on by erranteditor

 

Today I did something that I very rarely do: I called in sick to work and refused to leave my bed…well, sorta. I made a trip to the post office to get some packages, but that took about ten minutes. Then it was back to bed with my laptop, water, and candy corn. I’m tired. It might be a precursor to getting sick, it might be the start of a down cycle, or it might just be that I have been juggling way too much this week and after a little mindfullness, I decided to take the day off. I’m feeling so good about that choice that I might just take tomorrow off as well.

The day off has given me a chance to catch up on the gratitude challenge. You would think by week 45 I would have gotten better at completing them on the week that they are meant to correspond with, but in true Kim form, I am always a step or two behind.

Week 44 is my favorite holiday. This one is easy, and quickly approaching. My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. I don’t like it in the “let’s celebrate the fact that British settlers left their home, went to the new world and then killed all the Indians,” but more in the “I get to hang out with my family” kind of way. Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. I love eating turkey and mashed potatoes, eating way too much dessert, watching football, and hanging out with the family unit. Thanksgiving at the Wilder-Davis house of Chaos includes liberal use of the word “fuck,” inappropriate dinnertime conversations, and singing off key to songs while doing the dishes. It is also my favorite holiday because for the last two years I have used the break at Thanksgiving to get away from the U.S. The first year it was to return here to Scotland to attend graduation, and last year it was to visit Estonia, Latvia, and Finland. Thanksgiving gave me something to look forward to while I was at CSUF. It offered me a light at the end of a really shitty tunnel. This year my mom and brother will be here for Thanksgiving. My brother has never been here, so I am excited to show him around and for him to experience my home. 2 weeks from now I will be reunited with a little bit of family.

I can’t wait.

This week is dedicated to what I do for fun.

What is fun again?

There are a lot things that I do for fun. I like to hang out with my friends, listen to music, read romance novels, and spend time outside. I like to travel, and I like to have silly Skype dates with my family. I like gossiping, and shit talking with my sister, and taking ridiculous photos of PRC in touristy places. Lately I have been having a lot of fun spending time with a boy watching David Attenborough’s The Life of Mammals. Overall, since I moved back to Scotland I have been having a lot more fun with the everyday little things. It is hard to believe that the challenge, and the year will be over in just seven short weeks. There are a lot of interesting things happening in the next few weeks, and this is the first time that I will not be home for Christmas, so I am both excited and nervous for the things to come.

The Scamp and the Gratitude Challenge: Week 43

Posted on by erranteditor

Today is a good day to focus on gratitude. I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed the last week or so. I’m trying to balance work and school with a social life, trying not to miss my family, and trying to sort out my world view. While I have the world view just about sorted, the rest of it is still up in the air.

That is not the reason that I choose to focus on gratitude right now. Today there was a stabbing at UC Merced. I do not know much of what happened other than several students were attacked, and the campus police shot and killed the man responsible. I My heart hurts for the people there, and I am incredibly saddened that a place that I felt so safe at has been violated in such a way. I owe a lot to UCM. They offered me a killer financial aid package that allowed me to gradate just about debt free, and being at a new school afforded me opportunities that not many people get to enjoy. It was at UCM that I discovered my love for writing, and discussing literature. I went Australia and got my first real taste of wanderlust while I was there.

I fell in love the for the first time at UCM.

It just so happens that Week 43 is about a mentor or teacher that I am grateful for. That is an easy one. There are two people that I am grateful for, and both happen to come from UCM. The first one is a plucky writer and poet by the name of Jared Stanley. Besides being a really cool guy, he was also one of the people that really encouraged my creative writing. He got me to write ridiculous poems that were complete shit, gave me books to read, and led me to one of my favorite poets, Gertrude Stein.  That nonsensical poetry has gotten me through a lot of rough moments, and has led me to a lot of wonderful people.

The other person that I am grateful for is a literature professor by the name of Jan Goggans. Jan is by far one of the coolest people I have ever met. She specializes in American literature, and was taught the first literature class I ever took. She encouraged discussion, challenged me to think about what I was reading, and helped me become a much better reader and writer. The last time I saw her she told me that she loved every minute of watching me grow as an academic, a writer, and a lover of literature. She wrote me a glowing letter of recommendation for grad school, and encouraged me to pursue a PhD.

Now, I living in the only place I have ever felt at home, and am surrounded by good literature, amazing people, and the chance to see the world. I’m still two weeks behind on the gratitude challenge, but I am having a hard time focusing, so I will come back to my gratitude when I’ve had a proper night’s sleep, and a chance to recharge.

The Scamp and the Gratitude Challenge: Week 42

Posted on by erranteditor

I have almost survived another week.

Almost.

This week has been rough for me. I’ve been feeling a bit down, and have no real reason for it. I spent most of the day on my couch staring at articles and wishing that I could feel some motivation to do something productive. The one time I ventured out of my flat today I got caught in the rain without my umbrella (Of course, I have been carrying that thing around for a week and it hasn’t rained once) and I took that as a sign that today was just not meant for working.

Tomorrow is another day.

Since I was feeling lousy, I decided that it might be a good time to look at the challenge for this week. This week is an easy one: my favorite possession. I’m not huge on material things, but there is one thing that I value above all of my other things (including my flamingo shoes, my pirate rubber chicken, and all of my yoga pants): my passport.

2015-10-15 20.03.57

That’s right. My favorite possession is my passport. That tiny little book is one of the greatest things that I have ever been given. It not only allows me to live in Scotland, but it supports my wanderlust, and has allowed me access to some of the most incredible places in the world. It is the one thing that I am sure to bring with me on my travels, and it is the one thing that reminds me that I can be a gypsy soul when the mood strikes me. I’ve been looking at it a lot the last couple of days, dreaming about the next place I could go (It is a thing that I do when I am sad…I plan fantasy trips). I am grateful that I have it, and grateful for all of the opportunities that I get from it. I realize that not everyone is as lucky to have a passport, or even to be able to go just about anywhere with it, and I plan to make really good use of it for as long as I can.

The Scamp and an Update

Posted on by erranteditor

Yesterday I posted about a boy called Angus who I get to work with in the center. I was excited because I got him to pay attention and sit through a little bit of his session. It is my hope that one day I will get him to sit through an entire session.

Miracles of miracles….today was that day!

The Scottish schools are on holiday, and when that happens, the center is open early in the day so that kids can come in and do their sessions while their parents are at work. When I got to the center this morning, Angus was in a zone and had just started his session for the day. He was bright eyed and bushy tailed, which I took as a good sign. The minute Angus saw me, he jumped off his chair and gave me a hug. There were only six kids working, so I sat down with Angus and told him that I would work through some of his session with him. I feel bad that I took over another tutor’s job, but Angus did everything I asked of him on the first task, and before I knew it, we completed his entire session! He was able to have a one-on-one with me, which is probably never going to happen again, but for me it was totally worth it.

I made sure that I talked to his gran before he left so that she knew how good he was today, and how stoked I was to be able to work with him again. He told her I was his favorite tutor, but I think that is just because I let him draw pictures on the whiteboard every time he answers three questions.

It really doesn’t hurt my ego though to know that he had a good day and I was a part of that.

The Scamp and the Gratitude Challenge: Week 38 and 39

Posted on by erranteditor

I should be writing.

I should be writing emails and notes for my dissertation.

I should be working my butt off to get a paper ready for editing in just four short months.

I should not be sitting on my couch, still in my pjs watching Top Chef and pretending that having the articles open is the same thing as working.

I should get back in the habit of doing yoga everyday.

I just want to crawl back in bed. I picked up a second job (3rd if you think of the PhD as its own job) and having worked all week learning the ins and outs of the center left me dead.

I just keep rereading last week’s post and reminding myself that I am really stinking happy in Scotland, and once things settle down with the new job I will get back in the groove of a routine and that will hopefully up my productivity.

Week 38 in the gratitude challenge is all about my favorite music. This one is an easy one. I love music. I will give anything a try, and have everything from Ska to country to electroswing on my ipod, and my favorite thing to do is to make song based playlists for my commute to work and back. Music  helps me work, helps me move through yoga routines, and helps make me feel better when I am sad. One of my faults is that I tend to be very negative about situations, and think the worst of myself and situations I get into. When I spend too much time in silence, my brain goes crazy, and I get into the dark and twisty. I currently live alone, so I always have music playing when I am at home. When I can feel myself going to the dark and twisty, I put on some of the most upbeat music I have on my ipod and dance around my place while I clean.

It always makes me feel better.

I am going to put together a mini playlist of some of my favorite songs, since it is much more to listen to them than have me ramble on about them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPQFahXDOvY

While there are plenty more to chose from, I feel this gives a bit of an idea of my go to songs to make me feel better. I have about 20,000 songs on my ipod, so I am never short of good music.

Week 39 is a harder one for me. This week is all about heritage.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines heritage as:

Valued objects and qualities such as historic buildings and cultural traditions that have been passed down from previous generations:Europe’s varied cultural heritage

This one falls on an interesting week as it is Jewish New Year. It is tradition that is important to my heritage and reminds me to reflect and really think about who am I am and the choices that I make in life. This last year has been really difficult and really horrible, and really fucking fantastic. I am grateful for my heritage and my values and traditions, but I often feel like I do not fit into that mold. I consider myself a gypsy soul, and because of that, I feel like I do not have a real set heritage. I just want to wander the world and learn as much as I can. That does not really lend itself well to tradition.

I’ve recently had the opportunity to meet a real gypsy. He was born in the French Alps, but has lived all over the world. He hates being called French, speaks with a mix of Scottish and French accent, and his idea of the perfect place to live is western Australia. We met by chance, but he is one of the first people I have ever had a conversation with who really understood the need to wander, and reluctance to be defined by where you are born, or where you grew up. We had some great conversation, and I think it could really be the start of a great friendship.

I think that is one of the things that I am most grateful for about my adopted gypsy soul heritage. It is allowing me to meet so many interesting people and live this pretty funky life. I cannot wait to see where I move to next, and the type of people that I will meet when I do. As for the heritage of my youth, I feel like some of the Jewish traditions that I observe and practice allow me to really reflect on myself as a person, and really remember that I have the strength and perseverance to move through  life doing the things I love.

…and that works just fine for me.

The Scamp and the Gratitude Challenge: Week 37

Posted on by erranteditor

This one is a good week for me. This week is all about being grateful for something that I created. Brace yourself, this post is about to be sappy as hell.

You’ve been warned.

I’ve created a lot of things that I am proud of, but I think what I am most grateful for is the life that I am currently creating in Scotland. I have finally figured my shit out.

Finally.

The last month and change has been really good for me. There was a bit of time there when I was trying to sort the visa out that I thought I was never going to actually get to come back here and live. I was really good at going to the dark and twisty. When I got here, and lasted a week, before I had to go back to the States, I was sure that the university was going to fire me and that I was going to be unemployed and sad on my mom’s couch forever.

Luckily, none of that happened. I had a drink with a colleague, and someone fast becoming a friend, and after hanging out and talking about work and life, and having some really tasty drinks, I walked home and realized that I was ridiculously happy. I can’t remember the last time I was this happy. I forgot what the feeling was like. At first I thought it was just the last shot of Sailor Jerry, but it when it didn’t go away the next day, or even today, I finally figured out what it was. I’m freaking happy. Really freaking happy.

This comes at the perfect time, as tonight marks the start of Rosh Hashanah, which means the Jewish new year is upon us. It is strange because I don’t really remember celebrating last year, other than using it as the perfect excuse to leave class early. There really isn’t a temple around here, and really no Jewish people, so this year I am going to enjoy my apples and honey, and really think about all the crazy shit that has happened, and what I learned from it. So, while everyday isn’t perfect, and some days I get a little sad, or I feel extra tired, on the whole, life is pretty fucking great for me right now.

I’m going to enjoy the happy feeling. The really great happy feeling.

The Scamp and the Gratitude Challenge: Week 36

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Week 36 is all about my home.

Home is an interesting word for me. It has been commonly defined as:

home
noun
  1. 1.
    the place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household.
    “the floods forced many people to flee their homes”
  2. 2.
    an institution for people needing professional care or supervision.
    “an old people’s home”
adjective
  1. 1.
    relating to the place where one lives.
    “I don’t have your home address”
  2. 2.
    (of a sports fixture) played at the team’s own ground.
    “their first home match of the season”
adverb
  1. 1.
    to or at the place where one lives.
    “what time did he get home last night?”
verb
  1. 1.
    (of an animal) return by instinct to its territory after leaving it.
    “a dozen geese homing to their summer nesting grounds”
2.
move or be aimed towards (a target or destination) with great accuracy.
“more than 100 missiles were launched, homing in on radar emissions”
In regards to the way that I think about home, on a more literal level, there is a lot to love about my flat. It is the perfect size for me, it is in a crazy cool old building, the neighborhood is relatively safe, and everything that I need is in walking distance. Now that more of my things have arrived, the place has a lived in, “Kim” feel to it (the rubber ducks really make the place). I spend a lot of time in my little reading nook with my academic articles, and I am seriously considering buying a big comfy dog bed so I have something soft to sit on while working. All in all, my little home is perfect for me.
A little art on the wall next to my building

A little art on the wall next to my building

While I am grateful for my little home, on an elemental level, I am so grateful to Scotland and the place that I really consider my home. It is not so much that I love the place, but more so I love the way I feel when I am here. I’m happier here. I’m more me here. I’m not as stressed, not as grumpy, and I get a whole lot more exercise. Those feelings have me eternally grateful, and I know that my stress level is going to amp up in the next few weeks with school starting, my dissertation in full swing, and the project starting, but I know that at least I get to experience all of those things here, where my little heart feels at home.

The Scamp and the Gratitude Challenge: Week 35

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This is the week all about my neighborhood. Having only been here a month, I feel that I am still in the honeymoon phase, but all in all, I have to say that I really love where I live.

I am not yet an expert on the history of the city, but according to VisitScotland. com:

Leith is an area like no other. Boasting its own distinct character, Leith is a hub of lively eating and drinking spots, creativity and cultural diversity.

The district of Leith rests on the shores of the Firth of Forth, at the mouth of the Water of Leith. Having served as the port of Edinburgh for hundreds of years, the area’s original harbour dates back to the 14th century and has been visited by many travelling kings and queens, including Mary Queen of Scots and King George IV.

Today, Leith is a vivacious area jam-packed with delicious delis, chic drinking spots, and top restaurants boasting some of Scotland’s finest chefs. The district asserts a jovial attitude and hosts an eclectic mix of people and cultures, making each a visit a unique experience.

The area is famed as the location of the 5-star Royal Yacht Britannia, a fascinating royal residence berthed alongside Ocean Terminal Shopping Centre. Leith also boasts a rich creative culture and is home to various independent and contemporary galleries, such as the Corn Exchange Gallery. Various cultural festivals such as the Leith Festival and the Edinburgh Mela take place here throughout the year, and the area even has its own radio station.

Though Leith can be easily reached by bus, one of the best ways to visit is to take a leisurely stroll along the Water of Leith Walkway. This charming footpath borders the river from Balerno to Leith and emerges at the Shore, an upmarket area lined with bistros, stylish bars, traditional pubs and first-rate restaurants.

The mile-long Leith Walk links the district with the east end of Princes Street and offers a shopping experience like no other in the capital – locals proudly boast that there is little to nothing you won’t be able to find on this street.

What I like about the area is that it reminds me a lot of places at home. It is a little bit sketchy, but you don’t feel unsafe, and I am near the water. I can go have a sit at a bench and watch the ducks and birds, and I can always hear the seagulls. I can’t wait to see what it looks like in the winter, and I wonder if I will still feel so in love with the area when I have to walk to the bus in the rain and wind…and maybe snow.

and because I am a lazy writer today, I am also sharing a photo from one of my favorite sites on Facebook: Beautiful Edinburgh (https://www.facebook.com/beautifuledinburgh/timeline). This is how I see my neighborhood right now.

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The month has gone quickly, and with school starting in two weeks, I am looking forward to a little more of the calm before the storm. I have a job interview, paid all of my bills this month, and feel like I am settling into a good routine. I saw an email on Friday announcing the dissertation proposal defense for one of the women responsible for my dismissal from CSUF, and it really made me sad. I got really wrapped up in my own head about it, and even though I know that I am exactly where I want to be, doing exactly what I want to, it was still hard for me to see something that I should have been doing. I let myself get mopey about it, but was lucky enough to have some people here to let me talk it out and help me remember that it happened, and something good came out of it. That, a walk around the area, and some really good yoga definitely made me feel a lot better about the choices that I have made in the last few months.

The Scamp and the Gratitude Challenge Week: 33 and 34

Posted on by erranteditor

To continue with my growing trend of being behind on the challenge, I have a couple of weeks to cover. I feel a bit lazy. I’m tired. I’ve been pushing my body really hard with all the walking and hiking and rush to settle into a routine. I can feel myself starting to slide into a down cycle, and I am hoping that if I take it easy for a bit I can avoid the pitfall of exhaustion. Right now I am sluggish and just going through the motions. I’m finding it hard to concentrate on what I want to say, and I have stopped and started the post 3 times. Forgive my tired brain.

Week 33 was all about something that I look forward to. It is funny, that was the week I was going crazy not having internet at home. I was most looking forward to that so that I could stay in contact with my family. I spent 21 days not really texting, emailing, or even Facebooking them. I was feeling very out of the loop, and there were days that I spent way too much time in my own head, which made me depressed and miss them that much more. Now that I can Skype and text with them, I feel a lot better about settling down in Scotland.It is strange how dependent I am on the internet, and how out of sorts I felt without it. I look forward to checking up on the wombmate’s pregnancy, to chatting with my friends and scheduling visits with my friends from all over the world.

Week 34 is dedicated to what I like about fall. I have to say the one thing I really love is when the weather starts to get cooler and I can wear comfy sweaters and leggings. I like being able to take a walk when the even cools down, and enjoy a cup of tea in bed with a book. It seems strange to think about fall right now since the last few days here have been really sunny and warm, but I look forward to the change in the weather….as long as my next few boxes don’t get held up by customs for three weeks.

I know that technically it is week 35, and I promise that the end of this week there will be a post dedicated to my new neighborhood and everything that I love about it.

The Scamp and the Gratitude Challenge: Week 31 and 32

Posted on by erranteditor

I am in Scotland. For good this time. I have been here for 4 whole days. I’ve managed to get almost everything I need in terms of housewares and food stuffs, I’ve got one of my boxes, and have made it to and from work twice without getting lost. That last one is a big one because I had to navigate the bus system, and figure out the closest stop to my work since the building is hidden in a slightly shady industrial area. I cannot begin to explain how good it feels to actually be sitting at my desk working (although it will be much better when I have internet at home and can work from there a few days a week). I have heaps of things to do, and although I am still not 100% sure I know what I am doing, I have a month to get things in order. I have a list of things of emails to send, meetings to attend, and a presentation to give. I’ve just been named the face of TESTA for the university.

You may now henceforth call me the queen of TESTA. I want a tiara….and minions. Lots of minions.

But, back to the gratitude challenge.  Week 31 is all about my core values. The one core value that I would have to say that I am most proud of is my belief in adventure. My life is centred around adventure, whether it be my crazy wanderlust, or the risk that I am willing to take for my career (I mean, I did just pack up my life and move to Scotland for my chance at my dream career in higher education). That sense of adventure has provided me with some life changing experiences, and some pretty fantastic memories. That  belief in the value of adventure is what keeps me going some days. Planning a new trip, encouraging people to travel, talking to people who are also adventurous, it makes me happy. I hope that when I am in my 80s I will still have that wanderlust.

This week, Week 32 is dedicated to a city that I have visited. I have been lucky enough to visit a lot of cities, but I think one that really stands out is Boston. The Boston trip was scheduled at a time when I thought I was going to need a break from the CSUF program, and it was the perfect opportunity to see one of my best friends while she was in the States for a week. By the time the trip actually came, it was a good break from being depressed about the expulsion, and it was during that trip that I interviewed for my current position. The city was under 8 feet of snow, but that did not diminish the fun that we had for three days. Sus and I saw a lot of fun things and ate some really great food, and both got jobs out of the experience. It was a turning point in the year for me. It changed the direction of my life. I want to go back to the city again one day and see the city when it is not buried under snow, but it will always hold a special place in my heart as the city that redirected my life toward something better.

Once the internet is set up at home, I will get back to consistent posting about all of the great stuff that has been going on since I got back to Scotland.