gratitude | The Scamp Abroad

The Scamp and the Gratitude Challenge Weeks 12 and 13

Posted on March 29, 2015 by erranteditor

I’ve been in a daze the last few days. I’m on spring break, so I have been trying to tackle the hardest mission of moving: spring cleaning.

So far I’ve filled two boxes, five bags, and an entire rubbish bin. I have no idea where all this stuff came from. Every time I think I got things down to a manageable level, I find more things that need to go with me. I know that I should be excited about the move and my upcoming position, but I am just getting more and more stressed. I am having a really hard time finding a place to live, still do not have the paperwork I need for my visa, and I have yet to figure out how to get all of my stuff to Scotland with me. I found out this week that I will now be attending a conference in at the end of June in England, and while I should be excited about that, I find myself a little more stressed. I feel like I do not have enough time to make this all happen.

I’m trying not to stress. I really am.

Which brings me to the gratitude challenge for last week and this week.

Last week’s topic covered a personality trait that I am most proud of, and this week covers something that I have overcome.

That one is easy.

The one thing that I am proud that I have overcome is the whole sorted mess with CSUF. I got kicked out of the program after being bullied for a year, and in less than three months, I have already managed to pick myself up and move on to a much better place in life. I may not be around long enough to see that program and the people who run it get what they deserve, but I am so happy that I was able to escape mostly intact. I have 68 days until I leave and can put this all behind me, and in the meantime, I am going to make sure that I can be as much at peace with what happened as I can.

That leads me to last week’s challenge: a personality trait that I consider my favorite. I would have to say that is my ability to worry and stress over everything.

I kid, I kid…..kinda.

Beside my sarcasm and snark, my favorite personality trait is my perseverance. There have been more than a few times that I wanted to just pull the blankets over my head and call it a day. I almost quit so many times before I got the boot against my will. I almost gave up on my dream of moving back to Scotland and getting my life sorted in the one place that I am truly happy. I know that my perseverance will allow me to make it through the next few weeks and get everything sorted before I leave the US for good. I also know that my perseverance is what is going to allow me to succeed when I finally settle in my home.

“You must read, you must persevere, you must sit up nights, you must inquire, and exert the utmost power of your mind. If one way does not lead to the desired meaning, take another; if obstacles arise, then still another; until, if your strength holds out, you will find that clear which at first looked dark.”
― Giovanni Boccaccio

The Scamp and the Gratitude Challenge Week 11

Posted on March 24, 2015 by erranteditor

I’m way behind. Way way way behind with the challenge. It is to the point now that I feel guilty when I miss the post, and it gnaws on me. That being said, I have been grading poorly written midterms, celebrating birthdays, and minorly freaking out that the paperwork for my new life in Scotland is not yet complete. March is almost over, and I need my passport on June 5th, so the days are slowly trickling away. I’m starting to freak out and stress a bit.

But, back to the challenge. I’m supposed to be focused on the good, not the bad.

Week 11 is all about a person that inspires me. This was hard for me. I’ve spent a long time with my head buried in the sand lately, so it is hard for me to really think of who really inspires me.

There are a lot of people that would fall under this category, but I ultimately settled on a fellow gypsy soul, who not only understands the value of seeing the world, but does a pretty amazing job of writing about his adventures along the way.

Nathan and I met in 2009 when we both registered for a literature class dedicated to Mark Twain. I was working for Professor Gregg Camfield at the time as a project manager for the updating and renovating of the museum at Angle’s Camp. The class served as research assistants, and each of us was in charge of putting together a small presentation for the Mark Twain exhibit. I was in charge of keeping everything together, and for helping the museum map out how the exhibit would come together. Nathan and I got to know each other over discussions of literature, and then the poor guy got to know me even better (or at least see me in my penguin pajamas more than anyone should) when he started dating my roommate. After I graduated from UC Merced and moved to San Diego for my MA, Nathan and I would occasionally chat through Facebook, but I would not call our relationship more than a casual acquaintance.

It was actually writing that offered us a chance to reconnect. When I moved to Scotland the first time, Nathan was one of my original readers. Despite not actually seeing each other since 2009, social media and the internet has allowed us to have some interesting discussions about books, writing, and the need to travel.

After he graduated from college with a degree in Art History, he found himself in a life that was not making him happy, so he did what many of us would never have the courage to do, he quit his job and bought a one way ticket to Europe. He started a blog, and has been making money by writing and chronicling his adventures as he explores every corner of Europe. You can find his writing here: http://lifeisacamino.com/

This is the part of him that really inspires me. I spent a long time thinking that there was something wrong with me because the thing in life that made me happy was traveling. I do not know many people that love adventure and writing as much as I do, but Nathan is definitely one of them. His writing skills, honesty, and sense of adventure makes me jealous more often than not, but reaffirms my desire to travel and explore the world as much as I can.

Sadly, his adventure is about to come to an end. He will return home in May, and hopefully he continues to write and explore, and be a gypsy soul. He has inspired me to write more of my travels, and not second guess my choice to be a wanderer while I am still able.

“There’s a race of men that don’t fit in,
A race that can’t sit still;
So they break the hearts of kith and kin, And they roam the world at will.
They range the field and rove the flood,
And they climb the mountain’s crest; Their’s is the curse of the gypsy blood,
And they don’t know how to rest.”
― Robert W. Service

The Scamp’s Last Day of Her 27th Year

Posted on March 7, 2015 by erranteditor

I’m going to go on record and say 27 has by far been the worst year of my life. I think I cried 300 of the 365 days since my last birthday, and I am not sad that it has come to an end. I spent the day avoiding work and judging a speech and debate tournament at the community college. It was not the most exciting day, but it was not a bad day.

Normally I would list all of the horrible things that happened to me while I was 27, but instead, I am going to choose this moment to do Week 10 of the Gratitude Challenge. It is a much better use of my time. The challenge for this week is to list 5 things that I like about myself. I’m not completely sure I can think of 5 things that go beyond the superficial, but I am going to give it a shot.

1. I like that I have found a way to make my students enjoy grammar. Last semester it was touch and go, but with a little humor (and some cat videos) I have managed to really get the concepts through to my students. They give me the courtesy laugh when my jokes are corny, and a few of them actually ask questions during the lectures.

2. I like that I can read trashy detective novels and watch bad reality TV without actually losing brain cells. I watch a lot of reality TV when I am stressed, and the last year has been extremely stressful. Despite all of that, I still feel like I have a good amount of intelligence left.

3. On the superficial level, I really like my nose. When I was younger, I thought my nose was huge. I thought that it was long and gave me a horrible profile. Turns out, my refusal to pose normally is what gives me a horrible profile.

4. I like my sense of adventure. For the past two years I have been trying to figure out why I wasn’t content to just stay in one place in the same routine. My gypsy soul has taken me to some crazy places, and allowed me to meet so many amazing people. I love traveling, and have been very fortunate lately to go all over the globe. The sense of adventure, and the constant traveling has taught me how to plan, how to be more curious, and how to be a more patient person. I used to get frustrated when I got lost, or when things did not go as planned. I would cry a lot over it. Now, I am a lot more easy going, and a lot more willing to go with the flow if there is traffic, delays, and even if I get lost.

5. I like my fortitude and perseverance. As much as this sucked (thanks to the break-up, getting kicked out of grad school, being bullied), I did not give up. I took the abuse and harassment from the program for almost a year. I was willing to stick it out to get the dumb degree and go back overseas. I tried to fight the good fight, I did not compromise my values for them. I did a lot of yoga, watched a lot of kitty and puppy videos, and shed a lot of tears in the process, but I never quit. Although they ended up winning that battle, I won the war. I am mostly emotionally intact, and I am happy to say that I am moving on to bigger and most certainly better.

I am happy to announce that starting at the end of June, I will officially be an expat again. I secured a position at a university in Edinburgh that will allow me to earn a PhD, and do some very important research. The position is fully funded, and provides a stipend that will help offset living expenses. This position could not be more perfect for me. I’m so glad that the supervisors of the project felt the same way. To them I am not a racist who plagiarized for academic gain, to them I am a capable woman with excellent research and communication skills. To them, I am the perfect member of their team, and someone that is going to help shape their research.

This position is a fresh start. I get to move back to Scotland. This is the happiest that I have felt in a really long time.

Securing this position is a pretty darn good way to end the worst year of my life.

The Gratitude Challenge Week 7 and 8

Posted on February 20, 2015 by erranteditor

I’m way behind, and a bit lazy, so I am doing two weeks at once.

Week 7 is all about one friend who I am grateful for while week 8 was all about expressing gratitude to three people.

7 is a no brainer. The woman who I am highlighting this week is Toni. We met while working for the University of San Diego. We bonded over filing and mocking law students, and our friendship is based on snark, sarcasm, and squirrels. When she finally met her soulmate, she allowed me to be the officiant.

When I need a cute kid fix, she sends me pictures of my meow

When I was terrified about walking into a meeting at Cal State Fullerton alone, she drove over 100 miles to come to the meeting and act as my council (knowing a lawyer is really handy). When my legal issues reach beyond her expertise, she hunted down a lawyer who was best suited to give me advice. There really are not enough words to express how grateful I am for her friendship. I’m waiting for the day I can repay her for her kindness.

As for week 8, this was a hard one. I’m not very good at asking for help, and I am even worse at thanking people when they do help me. I have been a bit socially awkward lately in order to avoid having to explain what happened with CSUF, so my attempts to express my gratitude have been almost painful.

The first person I expressed my gratitude to was my therapist. My sessions with her have come to an end. Obamacare does not think that mental health is important, so I have to find low cost options to get help with my depression. The city of Brea offers a service, and I was matched with a great therapist. She really helped me cope with all of the nasty things that went on in the program, and helped me deal with the fallout of being asked to leave. Had it not been for her, the program really would have broken me. Unfortunately, I am only given a certain number of sessions, and now have to hunt for another manageable program.

The second person I expressed my gratitude to was a difficult one. When I visit my doc every few months, I have to give lots of blood and pee in a cup. Having gone through this procedure often enough, I know how much water I need to drink and when to be able to handle that, and I know that the veins in my right arm are better than the ones in my left. I also know which of the nurses has a light touch, and which one can never seem to find the vein. This week, I got Nurse Ratchet. She insisted on using my left arm, and when she jabbed the needle into my arm and missed the vein, I was none too pleased. I was ready to be mean, but instead decided to thank her and tell her how grateful I was that she was able to get my blood drawn quickly. She told I must have a low tolerance for pain, and then told me how to pee in the cup properly, I feel that my gratitude was somewhat wasted on her, but I did appreciate the lesson on how to pee in a cup (turns out I have been doing it wrong for years! Who knew?).

The third person who got a little of my gratitude this week was actually more than one person. My freshman level writing course were really good sports this week. I’m a big believer of technology, and the day I need to show a video and go over some grammar issues, the light in the projector blows up. My students did not complain and settled into hearing me discuss the lectures old school style. They actually took notes, asked questions, and did the writing assignment assigned to them. I don’t know if they are actually good people, or they knew that I did not want to be trifled with, but either way, I told them I was grateful that they kept their thoughts about the class to themselves.

Now that that is out of the way I can focus on my upcoming trip to Boston. It is snowmaggedon there, so it should be an interesting few days. I don’t think I will be seeing as many sites as I thought I would, but I am still going to try and get to Harvard Square and the Boston Commons. I may even go the bar where everybody knows your name.

The Scamp and the Gratitude Challenge: Week 6

Posted on February 8, 2015 by erranteditor

The city that I live in.

La Habra, California is a city with more Pitbulls than people and a liquor store on every corner. When I came back almost two years ago, it was the first time I had lived here in almost ten years. The city covers 3.376 square miles and has a little over 60,000 people. It is in the Northwestern corner of Orange County, which means I can pretend I’m Orange County cool without being Orange County ditsy.

It is hard for me to be grateful about the city that I live in since I have been trying to get out of it since I was 18 years old. Don’t get me wrong, there are way worse places to live, and La Habra did provide me with an education that was good enough to get me to a good college. The city provided me with my first job shelving books, but most of the people who live here grew up here, they work here, and they will die here….and they are perfectly okay with that.

I feel like a caged bird here. I am a flamingo in a flock of pigeons here.

While that seems to go against showing my gratitude for the city, I am in fact grateful. If it was not for the caged feeling that this city gives me, I would never have gone away to college, never moved to San Diego, and never ended up in Scotland.

Everything for me always comes back to Scotland. Scotland is the one place that I could see myself living for more than 3 years, and the one place that I really felt at home. I might never have gotten to Scotland had it not been for La Habra. My wanderlust has taken me far outside of the city limits, and has exposed me to so many great places and so many great people. I am grateful for La Habra for showing me the type of life I want to lead, and the type of place I want to live, and for being full of students that I can help with grammar and writing until I can get back there .

The Scamp and the Gratitude Challenge: Week 5

Posted on January 31, 2015 by erranteditor

The gratitude challenge this week is to be thankful for something that someone has given me.

I was trying to think of something really meaningful to write about, something deeply personal that is super important in my life. This week though, the thing that I am grateful for is a bag of gluten free Girl Scout cookies.

There is really nothing special about the cookies. They are tasty, true, they are on the list of approved foods, true, and they are not going to make me feel sick later, but the reason that I am grateful for them is the simple act of caring that went into the delivery of the cookies.

Beatriz, the woman that sent the cookies to me, has been friends with my mom for a long time. Her daughter is a Girl Scout, and being that it is cookie selling time, my mom tries to help out however she can. When they met so my mom could pick up the order form, Beatriz sent the bag of gluten free cookies home for me to try. My mom had made a comment awhile ago that I am on a crazy restrictive diet, and Beatriz remembered. While that doesn’t seem like much, to me, that was a really nice pick-me-up during the week. I am grateful that she cared enough to remember, and to send the cookies, and grateful that I am able to help her daughter out by buying some of the gluten free cookie options.

I happily enjoyed the cookies while I graded papers and filled out job applications today. It is impossible to give a student a bad grade when their are chocolate chip cookies in your tummy.

The Scamp and the Gratitude Challenge Week 4

Posted on January 23, 2015 by erranteditor

I’ve got a nasty flu that seems to be going around, so my want to do anything other than lay in bed with DayQuil, tissues, and Netflix has been next to nil.

The theme for the gratitude challenge this week is a family member. I have decided that this coveted honor (okay, I am pretending that all of my family and friends would like a mention on my blog of awesomeness) is going to my sister-cousin, Mckenna.

This 20 year old stunner is my oldest cousin on my dad’s side of the family. I remember when she was born. My aunt and uncle lived down the street from my dad, so my sister and I used to go over to their house and play Barbies or run around outside. When they moved to a bigger house, I remember playing in the yard, and playing hide and seek in the house while babysitting. As long as I can remember, Kenna wanted to ride horses. My aunt and uncle paid for lessons, leased a horse for her, and drove her all over the place for horse shows.

When she was getting ready to apply to college, she asked me to help her with her admission essays. She got into the school of her dreams, and moved 3,000 miles away on her own to pursue her riding career and study business. She is getting ready to graduate soon, and I cannot wait to see what she decides to do after college.

She is the focus of my gratitude this week because she is like a second little sister to me. We text and laugh, and Skype, and when I was living in Scotland we talked a lot. When David and I broke up and I was miserable, she let me cry to her on Skype and made me laugh with pictures of her pup. We share the common plight of the single gal, and she has already pledged to be a cat lady with me. She makes me laugh, she’s fun to hang out with, and I know that she is destined for great things.

I am one lucky sister-cousin.

I go back to work next week, and while I am ready for that, it feels strange to no longer be a student. As happy as I am to be free of the misery that was the EDD program at Cal State Fullerton, it is a bit strange to have all of this free time. I feel like I should reading more, or doing more research, or working on applying to the large number of full time jobs that have suddenly presented themselves to me. Instead, I am watching bad reality TV, and trying to find pictures of my family that are suitable for the internet. I’m hoping that once I get back into work mode things will settle into a routine, but in the meantime, there are so many options for bad reality TV, I can keep myself pretty busy.

The Scamp and the Gratitude Challenge: Week 3

Posted on January 16, 2015 by erranteditor

Week 3 of the gratitude challenge is one that I can write pages and pages and pages about: my family.

I make no secret that my favorite people in the entire world is my family. It is the easiest thing in the world for my to be grateful for them. For the last two years I have been struggling at California State University, Fullerton. The program has worn me down, and as of yesterday, I am no longer a part of the program. While I was in meeting after meeting listening to how I was academically dishonest and emotionally unstable, my family was there to make me laugh and remind me that they loved me whether I was a cheater or not.

My brother eloquently reminded me that sometimes in life you have to have to play the game to survive. He told me:

“Sometimes in life you have to suck a dick. You don’t have to like it, and you sure as hell don’t have to swallow, but sometimes you just have to suck a dick.”

My sister and brother-in-law took me out, sent me cat pictures, and reminded me that the people in the program are the misguided racist people, and that what I put up with in their presence is not the real world. They joke with me, and don’t let me wallow in my misery. We talk, text and hang out with each other all the time, and although they usually have to drag me out kicking and screaming, it is always a good time.

The rest of my family has been equally as supportive of my journey. My aunt, uncle, and cousins have been outraged on my behalf and supportive of my journey. We are lucky enough to get to spend a lot of time together, and I love hanging out with them.

I know that everyone says that they have the best family, but I honestly believe that my family is the best, We laugh, we joke, we support each other, and we are lucky enough to live near each other.

This week the gratitude for my family goes a little bit deeper. Today is the anniversary of my grandma’s death. This is a hard day for my mom. She has spent the last 19 years without her mother. I think of all the times I have cried on my mom’s shoulder, gone out to dinner with her, watched movies with her, cooked dinner, gone on vacation with her, and driven her crazy. I have the luxury of always having her in my corner.

My mom does not. She doesn’t get to cry to her mom when she has a bad day, or go out to dinner, or even just have phone conversations. I know that my mom misses my grandma every day. Their relationship was far from perfect, and my grandma had a lot of daemons, but she loved my mom, and I know that she loved us too.

My grammy was a stunner. She was born March 19, 1938 in New York. She was a lover of big hair, big glasses, and big purses. I remember the crazy large glasses, the outrageous purses, and the long painted nails. She was killed in a car accident January 16, 1996 because she refused to wear her seat belt. For a woman who wouldn’t put her key in the ignition if one of us was not belted in, she was careless about her own safety. Having only been able to spend a limited amount of time with my grammy makes me appreciate my mom that much more. I’m grateful for all the time that I get with my family, but a little extra grateful today that I still have my mommy around.

The Scamp and Gratitude Challenge Week 1 and 2

Posted on January 12, 2015 by erranteditor

2014 was a rough year for me. It was so rough on me that I have become an ungrateful person. I became so consumed with the program and all the shit that happened every Tuesday night, that it consumed my life. I posted 89 entries last year, and only 6 of them were happy or positive. I was hoping having survived 2014 that 2015 would bring some good karma, but it looks like it will be slow going. I’m in for quite a fight, and I am trying to do all that I can to avoid getting sucked into the dark twisty any farther than I am now. To help me accomplish this, I have decided to take part in a gratitude challenge. 52 weeks of sharing things I am grateful for. 52 weeks to make sure that at least one post is happy, and 52 weeks of reminding myself that even though one aspect of my life may be a bit of a mess, all of the other areas are pretty dang great. Here is the list of topics that I will be covering each week:

Since it is the start of week 3, I am going to cover week 1 and 2 in this post. Week 2 is about a spouse/significant other, and since I do not have either one of those, I am choosing to instead write about a very important man in my life: Odin. Odin is a 12 year old tomcat that my brother saved from the parking lot of a Mexican restaurant near our home. Odie has had quite the life. He spent most of his early days gallivanting around the neighborhood. He got in fights, came home with battle wounds, and I’m sure got more than one girl kitty preggers. When he was about 5 years old, someone cat-napped him and fed him anitfreeze. He crawled his way home, and all but died in my mom’s arms as she rushed him to the vet. He survived the week at the vet’s office, and then came home to be spoiled by my mom. I remember seeing him shortly after he came home. He was skinny and frail. He didn’t move out of the chair, and my mom hand fed him lunch meat and kept a water bowl near him.

He eventually got fixed, and turned into a lazy boy who slept all day and never went outside. The good thing about him loosing his balls was that he stopped drooling as much. In the last few years, he has really become my cat. He hangs out with me, sleeps on my bed every night, and serves as my research assistant when I am working from home.

He makes me feel better when I am sad, he cuddles when I need it, and now that he is getting up there in years, I am not sure that he will be able to make the return trip to Scotland with me. In the meantime, I am going to enjoy my time with my little smooshie, and be grateful that I am enjoyed 12 years with him.

Call Me Dr. Scamp

Posted on April 6, 2013 by erranteditor

While I drive myself crazy waiting for my parents to get here, I made an important life decision. I have decided that money be damned, I will be joining the 6th cohort of the Doctorate of Education in Educational Leadership with a specialization in Community College at California State University, Fullerton. I was offered a spot in the 5th cohort and turned it down last year to come here, and while I was here I did a lot of wavering about whether or not I would apply for re-admission. When things with David started to fall apart I thought about putting the degree on hold all together and moving to San Diego to be with him.

The thing is, I loved (well, still love, but I’m working on getting over that) him, but I really want to pursue this degree. I want to teach at the community college level, want to eventually run a writing program at one, and while I can easily do that without an advanced degree, I feel like this program will help give me some tools before I dive head first into the working world. I like being in school, and like being a student. The three degrees that I have now will make me a better teacher, but this degree will make me a better leader. This degree will help me better understand what happens outside of the classroom, and allow me to sharpen my skills as I prepare for total community college world domination.

I’m paying on a massive loan that I took out to pay for this adventure, and part of me is worried about the finance part of this degree. I am going to have to pray that FAFSA comes through and offers me some help, and that in the next few months while I am not working on my dissertation, I can work on finding some money and grants that will help me pay for the next three years ( I joke that I am going to start looking for strip clubs that will hire me, but at this point, I am really looking into the possibility).

Part of me is still hesitant to come home and face all of the things that being home means. I used to joke with David that if we ever broke up I would never return to the US. Part of me still has that thought in the back of my mind. My visa is still good here for another year, and I am sure there are plenty of places that could use a smart mouthed English teacher. I also have thoughts of running away to New Zealand or going back to Australia and hiding out in the sunshine. Ultimately I know that I don’t really want to be that far from my family, and that things will fall into place when I go home, but part of me can’t help but wonder what kind of adventure could be out there waiting for me if I didn’t go home.

In the meantime, feel free to send me advice on places to find money, and get ready to call me Dr. Scamp.