The Scamp Took a Break

I have not opened this blog since May. I had writing fatigue and for the most part, felt like I had run out of things to say. This blog has been part of my academic life since I moved to Scotland. I used it to chronicle my life here and the novelty of living abroad. Tomorrow marks four years living here full-time, and I am not sure that living abroad is novel anymore.

Now it is just home. It is my new normal. It is exactly what I wanted for the last eight years….and I love every minute of it.

The thing is though, writing is no longer giving me the pleasure it once did. The PhD took so much out of me and made me feel like I wasn’t a good writer. I have a lot of papers and a book chapter to finish and I have zero motivation to sit down and do them. I stare at blank Word documents and can’t seem to figure out how to put my fingers on my keyboard. I’m not sure why. It is starting to stress me out though. Stress used to make me lose weight. Now stress makes me neglect my diet and gain weight in places that are unflattering (thanks 30s.). That in turn makes me feel bad about myself and then I tend to stay on the couch rather than go for a walk or do some yoga.

I recently took four days off and sat by a beach in Spain. I went there because I hadn’t had a holiday in a year. I went there because it is time to close the chapter on my academic life and my horrible time at Napier and figure out how to get back on track with my health and focus on my career. …I ended up meeting a group of Welsh men having a lads holiday and did nothing that remotely looked like helping myself make a plan for the future (but that is a story for another time, including the details of the Star Wars themed live sex show and hoverboards).

So now I am trying to find my mojo. I thought if I put a little bit on the page and cleared my mind a bit that maybe I would get back into the swing of writing everyday. I’m also still on the quest to get to 500 posts and am about 20 or so away, so I will need to think of some good things to share.

If anyone has seen my mojo, please send it to Edinburgh. It missed its curfew and it is time for it to come home.

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge:Week 2

I’ve got the rainy day blues. I did not go into the university today, and now my writing is slow going. I think my mistake is that I am wearing trackies and my UC Merced sweatshirt rather than jeans and a t-shirt.

I need yoga. I need a nap. I need some inspiration.

The writing challenge for this week is to focus on making a list of what I am grateful for. I laughed because I just spent the last year doing this every week. I feel like I have done nothing but write about what I am grateful for. People are probably sick of it.

Right at this moment I am grateful that life goes on. This time last year I was a mess. I was headed to a disciplinary hearing over the plagiarism charge, and I saw my whole life falling apart. Today, even with the rainy day blues, I woke up next to my manpanion, had a lazy morning doing a crossword puzzle while he studied Scottish laws for work, and even though my writing is slow going, I have research, I’m collecting data, and I am working toward my PhD. In a little more than a month I am headed to California for the birth of my nephew and then on to Texas to watch one of my besties get married.

All in all, I’m really happy with where I have ended up. The dark and twisty is still looming in the background, but it is getting better.  I am still worried about making my loan payment, still negotiating my role in my job, and still trying to balance my need for adventure with my adult responsibilities, but with every day that passes, I think that I am doing a little bit better with each of those things.

Now if someone will send me so motivation to get my writing done, I will be a very very very happy girl.