I have not opened this blog since May. I had writing fatigue and for the most part, felt like I had run out of things to say. This blog has been part of my academic life since I moved to Scotland. I used it to chronicle my life here and the novelty of living abroad. Tomorrow marks four years living here full-time, and I am not sure that living abroad is novel anymore.
Now it is just home. It is my new normal. It is exactly what I wanted for the last eight years….and I love every minute of it.
The thing is though, writing is no longer giving me the pleasure it once did. The PhD took so much out of me and made me feel like I wasn’t a good writer. I have a lot of papers and a book chapter to finish and I have zero motivation to sit down and do them. I stare at blank Word documents and can’t seem to figure out how to put my fingers on my keyboard. I’m not sure why. It is starting to stress me out though. Stress used to make me lose weight. Now stress makes me neglect my diet and gain weight in places that are unflattering (thanks 30s.). That in turn makes me feel bad about myself and then I tend to stay on the couch rather than go for a walk or do some yoga.
I recently took four days off and sat by a beach in Spain. I went there because I hadn’t had a holiday in a year. I went there because it is time to close the chapter on my academic life and my horrible time at Napier and figure out how to get back on track with my health and focus on my career. …I ended up meeting a group of Welsh men having a lads holiday and did nothing that remotely looked like helping myself make a plan for the future (but that is a story for another time, including the details of the Star Wars themed live sex show and hoverboards).
So now I am trying to find my mojo. I thought if I put a little bit on the page and cleared my mind a bit that maybe I would get back into the swing of writing everyday. I’m also still on the quest to get to 500 posts and am about 20 or so away, so I will need to think of some good things to share.
If anyone has seen my mojo, please send it to Edinburgh. It missed its curfew and it is time for it to come home.