After the tough day yesterday, and let’s face it, a tough few weeks, March is finally upon us. I love this month for many reasons. March marks the end of winter, the end to the cold (well, maybe not here in Scotland, but certainly in California), it marks another year of my life completed, and for this March, it marks the end of the term here and the start of my self guided research. It means I am one step closer to being able to return to California and settle into the next phase of my life.
There is another reason to love this month, and that is Dr. Seuss. He was born on March 2nd, and every year in the States this day (or the closest school day to it) is Read Across American Day. Classrooms stop teaching for a few hours and students simply get to enjoy reading. At the school where my mom works she has members of the community, local celebrities and her children come to school and read their favorite children’s book to a class. This year I got to read my book over Skype. I thought the little future scholars would be more excited, but I think I enjoyed it more than they did. I read them one of my favorite versions of the three little pig.
I’m hoping the fun I had with that, along with the Dr. Seuss books I checked out to read later will distract me a little.
The one bright spot in all of this was I got an interview for the EdD program at Cal State Fullerton. I got into the program at the same time I got in here, and they were nice enough to let me defer for a year, but it is nice to know that they still think I am a valuable candidate. I am still very much excited about the work I have been doing for the last two years that will serve as my dissertation, and if nothing else, it gives me the validation that I seem to really crave right now that I matter. I have this problem of equating education with intelligence. When I first applied to the program here, and to the one at CSUF it was because I wanted people to recognize my intelligence. I am, if nothing else, a good student. Being a student has defined my identity since I was 5 years old. I’m not sure what to be if I am not in school. In the last few weeks I thought that I would apply for jobs in San Diego and go there once I was home. I thought that was what I wanted and what would make me happy. Now I think I owe it to myself to finish school and stay on the course that I had originally set for myself when I moved here. I don’t know if I will end up going to CSUF, or if I will get a job in San Diego. Right now, the only thing I am trying to focus on is putting one foot in front of the other and taking it one day at a time.