Before I came home from Scotland I had made up my mind that I was not going to get stressed about my paper, was not going to worry about money, and was not going to stress over finding a job. I was going to tackle one thing at a time and trust in the process that everything was going to work out. I made a crazy schedule of work, yoga, and socializing with the few people that I still know here. I had a good solid plan, and I was determined to stick to it. The only stressful thing about living in Scotland was David, and once I was free of him, not only did I get things done, but I didn’t have a care in the world. I was happy, I had a lot of fun, and I was able to get a lot of research done.
I came home with that attitude, but I apparently left it with customs. I started to stress about work, turned into Oscar the Grouch, and didn’t look at the schedule I made until three days ago. I have managed to do the yoga….that’s about it. Writing is getting done, but it remains to be seen if it is any good. I’m still having communication issues with my supervisor, so I have not gotten any feedback. I should be almost done with the first draft, and I have only about 1/3 of the work done. Today I wrote 0 words related to critical literacy and the evaluation of children’s books.
The only thing I managed to do today was put together an IKEA dresser (Well, me and the help of my sister and brother-in-law) and finally unpack my bedroom. I no longer feel like I am living in boxes….or in this case, under boxes. Almost all of my clothes and shoes are inside, and if I ever manage to find a job, I have a wardrobe all ready to go.
I heard back from the college today. They were unable to hire me because I cannot work in the evenings….even though they knew that when they interviewed me and told me that was not a problem. I actually cried after I got off the phone with the dean. The unemployed, really broke, huge loan and massive tuition bill to pay is starting to stress me out a lot. I applied for a couple of other positions today, but I am starting to feel a little depressed about the job thing. I’m really thinking that the next logical step is sugardaddies.com to fund my EdD.
I will now settle in with a quiet house, the 7 minute workout from hell and an evening of bad reality TV.
I can change my attitude tomorrow.