Wanderlust: my favorite word in the human language. I’ve always suffered from a severe case of it (although, I do not see it as suffering in the least) and wasted no time getting out and about in the world once I graduated high school. Every three to four years I’ve looked for the next adventure. I just came back from my adventure, and should be good for the next three years, but right now I am itching for a a new destination.
I’m not doing so well at home. I came home a different person. I had a plan. I was happy, I had worked through the worst of my break-up, worked through some of my fucked up emotional issues, and I was a girl on a mission. I came home and fell right back into my old habits. I’m grouchy most of the time, I am not being a great friend, and I have yet to find a job so I can pay my bills. Right now, the most adventurous I get is driving to the gym every day. I can hear my Scottish therapist’s voice in my head telling me what to do, and how to change my thinking, but for some reason my brain is not fully processing the message. Part of me wants to blame the fact that I have been working nonstop on my dissertation for the last four months, but now that I am just about done, I have no excuse for the “piss off” attitude I have been carrying around. I’m going to really have to beat feet to get some insurance soon so that I can get myself back into therapy in case I can’t get myself out of my funk.
That is the logical step instead of quitting the program before I have really started and becoming an Alpaca farmer in New Zealand….I have a feeling Alpacas wouldn’t like me, and I don’t like the idea that my cat would have to be quarantined for so long, so I guess I will have to put that dream on hold…at least for the next three years while I finish my program. The great thing about going to an international school is that I met people from every corner of the globe, so now when I am feeling restless, and my finances will allow me, I am can pick a spot, see people that I really care about, and have an adventure with them in their homelands.
For now though, my adventure will come from my desk and a classroom. I’m about to start a grueling school schedule with a lot of late nights spent reading, and mornings spent writing. I only had 15,000 words to write for this paper (I say only, but it was a lot) and the next project has to be in the line of 100,000 words, which means a lot of time sitting in my office, or the library looking at the Berry and pretending to write.
Given that no more work is going to get done today, I am going to nerd out with a travel book and think about my next destination.