I always know it is Sunday because I wake up feeling remorseful.
Today was no exception. I got an email from my supervisor with the last two annotated chapters of my thesis, and even before I made it out of bed I was trying to think of things to do that would keep me from having to sit down and look at the edits. I did my part of the house cleaning, spent way too much time dicking around the internet and chatted with a couple of the lads from Scotland.
When I finally focused on the edits, they weren’t that bad for the most part. The problem that I am having is that in every place my supervisor asks me to explain something further, or link my research to the massive amount of literature I read, I just can’t do it. I’ve been staring at the paper for the last four months, and can no longer see how I can improve it, and can no longer think of clever things to say about the books and their representation of culture. Truth is, I read a massive amount of literature, but I never really made a concrete plan on how I was going to use it in my analysis. My methods were not in line with any one philosophy. My research mainly consisted of pointing out the flaws in one story and highlighting the positive features in another……not really groundbreaking (and thank sweet baby Jesus is doesn’t have to be). I never had that light bulb moment where I could connect an old white guy’s theory to my motivation for the research (mostly because my motivation for the project was the fact that I could do it all from my desk and I didn’t have to interact with people).
Tomorrow I am going to try and finish the last of the edits and get myself in the mindset of a meeting with my supervisor. I was grossly under prepared for the last meeting, and I am not going to make that mistake again. If I am lucky, maybe she will just tell me what to write and I can stop stressing about having to finish the entire paper in just under 6 days.
Might be time for a nap.