I’m sitting in a window box.
I’m sitting in a window box of my friend’s house feeling sorry for myself.
My depression has gotten really bad. Really bad. It happens, and when it does, all I want is to be loved on. Instead, I got sent home from work because I was really pale and it is clear I have not been taking care of myself, and I’m pretty sure my relationship just ended.
So the challenge for the week is to write about the best part of my week.
I’m coming up short on this one. I undertook this challenge to follow up with the gratitude challenge that I did last year to help me remind myself that even though things were going wrong in the grad program, there was a lot around me in my life that was going well.
So, on this Friday as I sit in the window box wallowing in my depression, I guess the best part of my week was last night.
I met a cat named Loki last night. He was really friendly. I’m not sure how he got into the building, but he met me when I walked in. I’m a sucker, and I was sad, so I sat down to pet him. He rubbed on me and purred, and when it was clear no one was looking for him in the building, I let him follow me up the three flights of stairs and into my place. He spent about 10 minutes wandering around my place checking things out and occasionally coming back to me to rub and purr. I would have let him stay the night, but he had collar with an address, so I took him back downstairs and let him out back into the world.
I guess in the grand scheme of things my life is not that bad. I am living in Scotland, which is pretty fucking awesome. I have a job, my PhD is progressing nicely, and even though the depression is getting the better of me right now, my health is okay.
I just wish I could rewind to the beginning of March when I was in California soaking up the sun, hanging out with my muffin, and not surrounded by my never ending cycle of negative thoughts.
Now I would love to fast forward two year to when I am getting my degree and can figure out my next move.
Beach bum. That is still a viable career option right?