I’m not sure I like the challenge for this week. I’m supposed to write about my body and how I honestly feel about it. I don’t like that idea.
I got really sick in 2008. I was 107 lbs. I had crippling panic attacks, passed out in public, and was losing my hair. No one could tell me what was wrong with me, and I spent most of my time sleeping.
I know that I don’t look horrible here, but, here is a secret, I was puffing out my stomach so I didn’t look as skinny. What you don’t see is me having to sit down after walking about fifteen or sixteen steps, or having to move really slowly. I actually see this photo and I am okay with the way I look. I look fit, even if unhealthy.
Here is a photo of me taken in Paris a couple of months ago. In this photo, heavy jacket aside, I weigh more than I ever had. My diet is still a bit iffy, but I am healthier now than I have ever been.
But, sometimes I still see myself as chubby, or blob like. I know I am not fat. I’m not a complete nutter, but I spent so much time being sickly and underweight that I am not used to seeing myself healthy and the way that I am meant to look. I’m working on not being so ridiculous, and getting back into my regular exercise routine, but I guess at the end of the day I would much rather be the person in the second picture than the first.