In about an hour I will turn 31 (Let’s be honest, by the time I finish this post because I stop and start a lot when I am writing). I have no idea where my 30th year went, but turns out it is almost done.
I’ve been in a very reflective mood lately as I start to prepare for the analysis chapter of my thesis (ladies and gentledudes, I have 40 THOUSAND words written so far!!!!!! I’m about 20k or so away from the minimum word count, so I am a happy happy girl) and I realised that I am finally looking at the light at the end of my educational tunnel. I’m a little freaked out by that since I have been a student since I was 18.
So, while my mind wandered, these were the 30 things that I have reflected on while I am waiting for the stroke of midnight.
30. I can survive a snowstorm. The key to surviving a snowstorm in Scotland is making sure I buy a lot of milk and loaves of bread. I survived 5 days of snow by drinking a lot of tea and writing over 8,000 words for my results chapter (and I was wearing my comfy Rudolph the red nosed Reindeer slippers and fleece pjs). That being said…it is almost springtime, so the Siberian weather better chill the fuck down.
29. Birthday cards are better when they sing to you. My mom sent me a birthday card that is a little beach in a bottle and it sings when you pop the cork. It makes me laugh.
28. I am a cranky Yenta in public. I cannot stand rude people, and as I get older, I have a harder time not yelling at people.
27. I need to get serious about my diet. I’m not fat, not even overweight, but I am so used to seeing myself super skinny, that right now I feel a little pudgier and a little less yoga goddess. I want to go back to the yoga goddess.
26. $7.99 press on sticker manicures give me life. Impress are my favourite (https://www.superdrug.com/Kiss/Kiss-Impress-Gel-Fake-Nails—Swept-Away/p/740254)
25. I run like Pheobe
24. 4 jobs are too many.
23. UKVI hates me. Visa nightmares, a million rules, and so many forms to fill out.
22. I can survive Albania.
21. It is okay to let go of friendships that I thought were supposed to last forever. I spent a lot of time being really upset about losing a friend I had since high school. She, on the other hand, never gave it a second thought. Meanwhile, I neglected friendships with people that actually love and care about me (sorry, you know who you are).
20. Slow cookers are not the enemy (okay, this one took me two years to learn….and the heterolifemate was the one that did the cooking)
19. My Spanish is not as good as I thought (and my language students do not let me forget it).
18. Missing the birth of my nephew was a lot harder on me than I thought it would be. I wish I had just accepted the trip home and been there for his birth. It’s been seven months and I still have not gotten to meet him. I worry that he is going to grow up not knowing who I am.
17. Struggling with mental health does not make me a bad person, it just makes me a person.
16. Following that, I think it is time to step back from social media and stop focusing on other peoples’ idea of happiness.
15. Not wanting to have kids does not make me a bad person. It also doesn’t mean I don’t like kids. I love them. I just love that I can give them back at the end of the day.
14. I have to let go of Cal State Fullerton. It happened. It sucked. But it was three years ago. I made a couple of really good friends there, but my life is so much better here in this space.
13. My parents moving out of the house I grew up in doesn’t mean I don’t have a place in their life. My mom is talking about cleaning out my room and selling my furniture, the furniture I bought when I went to uni, and I had a hard time with it. For a while, I looked at that room as my only connection to them, and the only space I had left in their life. But part of my choice to make my life 6,000 miles away from them means that I am a visitor when I am there and not a roommate.
12. It is perfectly acceptable to have my mother mail me American peanut butter.
11. Not wearing shoes that I love because I’m afraid they will get dirty is ridiculous. That being said, I have a pair of Vans with tacos on them that have never been worn. Ditto for a white pair that has flamingos and black slip ons with flamingos.
10. My loans will eventually get paid off….and until then I will make do being skint.
9. Statistics are not scary. I am not in a rush to more research with them, but they are not the terrible beast I thought they were.
8. I would rather follow French bulldogs on IG than real people. I am way more emotionally invested in puppies the lives of puppies I have never met (and never will for that matter) than I am in most people I know (well, their social media profiles anyway).
7. I like to set unrealistic goals(and then get really mad when I don’t achieve them).
6. My wanderlust list keeps growing.
5. I’m terrified I won’t find a job in the next few months.
4. I don’t think I can actually give up chocolate (I was doing really really well for a bit, but fell off the wagon recently)
3. Drag queens are the cure for what ails me.
2. The mother of all drag queens taught me:
- I am a flamingo in a flock of pigeons.