The Scamp and an Action Summary

One thing about this program, they love their end of the year action summaries.

How well do you feel you did this semester?

What did you learn from the class? From your fellow students?

How will this impact your studies and your work in your profession?

or, in the case of this paper:

Students will provide a two page final summary of self-reflection, learning, and action inclusive of

  • Evaluation of the students’ own effort, attendance, participation and engagement.
  • Reflection on the class and student’s own learning process and outcome from class presentations, discussions, readings, and assignments.
  • Student’s insights to ways in which the learning outcomes will be applied to student’s current personal/professional leadership roles and lives.

 

Please note that grades given for this assignment will incorporate class participation, class attendance, and reflection summary paper.

Great. I just love the fact that I have to discuss the fact that I was a sloppy hot mess this semester and have no idea what was said in half the class meetings.

I could have approached this one of two ways:

1. I could have put my rhetoric degree to good use and lied my fucking ass off. I could have spun a beautiful tale about how I am now a better leader because I learned 20 new leadership frames and models, and because I was 100% invested in the class. I could have written poetry about how the class, and the learning outcomes have made me a more take charge person at work who appreciates diversity, acts as a change agent, and is a strong critical thinker.

or

2. I could have been honest, admitted that I was a shit student this semester because I let a while lot of personal stuff get in the way, and talked about the two, maybe three classes I paid attention to and how hard I worked on the papers and assignments so as not to let my group members down.

Door number 1 would have been more fun. I have not had the chance to do much creative writing lately….even this little free writing space has become more of a dark and twisty spiral of my inner thoughts…..not very creative.

Door number 2 is real though.

I of course went with door number 2. I was honest that I was a bit distracted during class, but that I did put in the time and effort in regards to the assignments. That part was at least the truth. I have been working my butt off on the case study work, and I am actually quite proud of the work we did in that arena. Of course, the fact that we will be presenting that to the president of the college, and working on getting it published was a strong motivator. I was honest about how there were a few of the books that were presented this semester that I could use, and how I learned from the ones that I didn’t like.

The last part was challenging. I had to connect the learning outcomes to my job. Right now, my job requires me to dust shelves and read call numbers….not exactly the place to practice being a change agent (don’t get me wrong, I would burn that place to ground and start over to make it more effective if I could. I just don’t plan to stick around beyond August, so I am not going to stir the pot right now). The other thing that I was very honest about was the fact that it is hard to promote diversity seeing as our class is not always the most accepting of diverse opinions. This is something I will probably get smacked for later on, but I feel like it had to be said. If we are going to become great leaders, we shouldn’t pick and choose our words so we aren’t labeled as a racist. I’ve already been labeled a racist twice in this program, and considering I am only vaguely racist when the humor fits, I am not really content with the label.

Last time I wrote an action summary for this professor, I got an 8/10. Apparently I my writing was not that good…..or my participation sucked. I wrote more of a door number 1 option last time…..God help me for the grade honesty will get me.

A Scamp Gets Ready for Summer

In the last 24 hours I have spent more time on campus then I have at home. I spent the day reviewing statistics and writing a paper that will hopefully change the lives of three hundred people.

I rewarded myself with an hour by the pool today. My first tan of the summer. Armed with a trashy romance novel, a hat, and sunscreen for the ink, I set out to unwind after a really really really long and emotional few days.

The trashy romance novel was bad (is bad), but there was a part of it that really stuck with me.

I used to believe that time was linear, that one event followed another. One action; one consequence. However, now, I sometimes have the sense that everything, all that I know, believe and experience happens in a great swoop of chaotic activity like the tumbling of dice in a cup.

This pretty much sums up my life right now….that great swoop of chaotic activity.

This pretty much sums up my life for the last year. I have been a swirl of work, school, homework, and a bad relationship. In 15 days I will celebrate one year of being back in the States. I say celebrate, but it is not really a celebration. I have been here for almost 365 days, but I have yet to really come home.

While I wish the tan and trashy romance novels were really how I was getting ready for summer, in truth, the way I am getting ready for summer has more to do with Excel spreadsheets, educational history, philosophies, and leadership frameworks. I will find time to feed my tanning addiction, but it will be with color coded flashcards, Paulo Freire, and Frederick Irving Herzberg. I have three classes and a qualifying exam this summer, so it will be a little more work and a little less fun. It is very reminiscent of the place I was in last year when I was writing my thesis…..well, ok, I wasn’t in class two days a week for 6 hours at a time, there was no need to learn about budget and finance, and there was no grueling (and somewhat pointless) test to take, but the feeling of a summer of discontent is pretty close to the same. I am not worried about passing the exam. I don’t want to take it, but I know that if I spend the summer properly preparing, I will have no trouble writing two very well thought out essays. 

…as long as I can fund the motivation to do what I know needs to get done.

I have to keep reminding myself that I chose this. I signed up to get the degree, and that means doing all of the ridiculous things that come with it. The good thing is, if I survive the summer then I will be that much closer to being able to do my own research. I am very much looking forward to that day.

I’m 33% done with the program.

That is 33% closer to being called Dr. Scamp and moving on to my next adventure.

The Scamp and Construction

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Right now it seems like everything in my life is under construction. I live about 30 minutes from the library, and there are four routes (well, three, because I don’t want to get on the freeway at 7:30 am) that I can take to get there. I used to take a new route everyday just to keep myself from getting bored. In March my favorite route was closed to fix some pipes in the street.

The best part of that? It is closed for the next two years! I will just about in the defense stage of my dissertation before the road is open again!

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Okay, not a big deal, I still have two more routes to work.

Wrong.

Route three was quickly axed because it takes more than 30 minutes to get to work with trains and traffic, so I gave it up so I could be on time to work and still sleep in a little bit. One route left.

For the last few weeks, everything has been great with that route. I’m getting to work on time, there is no crazy confusing detour, and I’ve only waited for the train to cross once.

Now there is a sign on the main street I take on my last remaining route that is advertising a construction project and warning of possible delays.

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Seriously?

To top it off, the City of Walnut has started a construction project on the street in front of the library.

Shoot me now.

If I have to resort to the freeway to get to work, I will quit my job early and sign up for sugardaddies.com.

I’m not even kidding.

The only upside to all of this is that I will not have to be at the library much longer (fingers crossed that my classes at the college don’t get cancelled again) and some of the routes will be open again within the next month.  All of the construction also allows me to catch up on all the podcasts I haven’t had the time to listen to lately. Adam Carolla ranting about traffic, people, and the general lack of common sense in the world makes me feel a little better about starting my day in traffic.

The roads in the city are not the only things under construction. I have friends getting married, friends getting ready to have babies, and friends getting ready to make big moves and adult decisions. All of them are under construction for the better.

I am doing none of those things, although, I guess you could say I am under construction. I’m trying to rebuild myself into Kim 2.0 (except, I think I am version 2.0 now, so it is more like 2.5….or 4.0?). It is a slow process. There are no blueprints, no plans, and I am not sure I even have any tools. Luckily the second semester of the program is winding down and I will have a little bit of time before the third semester starts to take a breath, find my center, and work on getting ready for the comprehensive exam in August.

The Scamp and Some Music

I’m trying to draft Chapter One of my dissertation….trying being the operative word. I needed a book from the library and was thwarted by mother nature. The earthquake a few weeks ago has closed the side of the library with all of the useful books in it, thus, I have to wait maybe another 24 hours before I can get my tiny hands on it. Part of it is my fault for not buying the book last semester, and assuming it was easy to get to today, and part of it is the little patch of bad karma that follows me around to keep me humble. I’ve been writing the paper in stages, and while I only need 4 pages before I have met the page limit, I am having some serious trouble with some of the key sections of the paper. The background of my topic and a general introduction to the paper should not be hard to write, but those few pages are giving me fits. While I try to get them sorted, I have been letting my music play in the background.

The first song that caught my attention was Adele’s version of the Sam Cooke’s “That’s It, I Quit! I’m Moving On”. I have been playing this song (both versions) on repeat lately.

 

The second song is a new addition to my playlist. One of my favorites turned me on to this week. I’d like to think that if I had a theme song, this one could be it.

I’m a sucker for a stand-up bass.

The next song is one of my all time favorites. I am in awe of her voice, and it is on an album that I listened to on repeat my first few days wandering around Scotland.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Le-3MIBxQTw

The last song is an oldie, but goodie. It has a fun beat, crazy lyrics, and sneaks in one of my favorite dirty words of all time (although in this video it has been edited out)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gpMlAiqcjU

After this song it started to rain….while my kitty was still outside. This meant a long pause on the work and the music to try and track him down before he got soaked……needless to say, we are both wet now. I think that is a sign that it is time for a hot shower and some mindless entertainment in the form of Netflix.

The chapter will keep until tomorrow.

 

The Scamp’s New Favorite Word

Extension.

I now have two more weeks to work on a literature review I should have finished a week ago.

Thank the Sweet Baby Jesus for kind stats professors.

It is just about time for finals. I’ve got a mountain of work to do, but am procrastinating. I’ve managed to edit two pages of my paper. Just two pages……

In the meantime, people have been sending me funny pictures relating to finals. Here are a few of them

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I am determined to finish editing the paper before bed….or I will watch Top Gear and daydream about getting a teaching job in New Zealand.

The Scamp at 200

And here we are. 200. A big number. It has been almost a year since I wrote number 100 (you can find it here: https://ascampabroad.wordpress.com/2013/04/30/the-scamps-100th-post-or-what-ive-learned-from-my-journey-so-far/). I’d like to say that the last 100 posts were as exciting as those first 100, but I am not sure that they were. Life in the States seems mundane and boring compared to the life I was living in Scotland, and the adventures I have here are few and far between. It has also become painfully apparent to me that a lot of the things that I learned in the first 100 posts did not carry over to the second 100. Instead of a thoughtful piece on the last two hundred, I thought it would a better use of the post to show the world what 100 posts looks like in pictures. I’ve decided to share some of my favorite pictures from each of my adventures.

 

My first post was in March of 2012. I had known that I had a spot in the program for three weeks at the time of the first post. I did not take a picture of the moment I found out, and now I wish I had. I told everyone who came to the desk at USD that day that I got accepted overseas. That weekend I celebrated my 25th birthday and began to plan a trip to Scotland for a campus tour.

431209_10150550337841887_784463526_nI told my family and friends of my choice to go at a family party.

 

March saw the first trip to Scotland.

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April saw only one post about me being very worried about becoming irrelevant once I left. To counter that, I spent time with my family to try and forget that feeling.

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May of 2012 was one post about falling in love with a boy who had no idea I was in love with him. It was also the month where Kelly graduated.

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June of 2012 saw a family trip to Ireland.  It was one of the best trips I have ever been on. There was only one post from that month, and it was about my struggle to find housing, my worry about money, and the boy telling me he loved me.

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July was the first month I posted more than one entry. This month was about being tired, getting overseas insurance, and moving from San Diego back to my childhood in Orange County. The photo for this month is one of the last nights out in San Diego with two people who I spent the most time with there.

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August was a crazy month for me. I was stressed about all the plans I still needed to make, how hard it was going to be to leave the boy, and reality of what the next year was going to look like for me. The picture for this month was taken a few days before I left. I hadn’t finished packing, but I spent the day in the sun napping.

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September 2012 marked my first month in Scotland. The posts were about finding my way through the city, going on hikes up Arthur’s Seat. I started to make friends with the people that lived around me, and the people that I was in class with.

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This was the view from the hotel I stayed at before I moved into the dorms.

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In true Scottish fashion, it started to rain during the hike

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The view from the window of my dorm. Not a bad scene to wake up to.

 

October was all about traveling and seeing Scotland, learning to live with 18 year olds, considering what life would be like in my relationship if I stayed to do my PhD, and how to deal with staying on medication that was helping me control my depression and anxiety. 197235_576042665775_1745096337_n

I celebrated Halloween with these two

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Tried to find the Loch Ness Monster

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and explored castle ruins.

November saw me complete the first half of my program, worry about upcoming holidays when I had no job, and no money coming in, and what harvest meant to me. I was able to come home at the end of November. I was reunited with the boy, got to sleep in my own bed, and got to eat real food. The best picture from this month is my first taste of Mexican food when I came home from the airport.

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December of 2012 was a hard month for me. The posts were about my struggles with being home and wanting to be social vs having work to do, juggling my family with the boy and his family, and getting robbed on Christmas. I spent most of my time in San Diego and managed to write 2 very good papers despite not having any of the books and not having my computer.

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January 2013 started off on a great foot. I got to move out of the room in the Freshman hallway, got to experience snow for the first time, and settled into a very interesting class about children’s books. I was happy to be back with my friends and wandering around the city that I love.

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Reunited with the gang.

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Snow changed the view outside my window. Luckily it did not snow enough to really be a problem. I can still remember the first time I walked home in the snow. I wasn’t properly dressed for it, but I loved every minute of it.

February 2013 was a rough month for me. This was the month my relationship fell apart. I tried to hide it as best I could, but it eventually came out. I admitted to the world through my blog that I was depressed, admitted that I was no longer going to marry the boy I thought was the love of my life, and that I was going to seek help to deal with all of these issues. I was sad, but hopeful. This month was not all bad though. I got to go to Belfast, and that was quite an adventure. I loved it (well, maybe not the Titanic part, but the rest of it)

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March of 2013 saw the start of my 26th year, a new tattoo, the end of my coursework in Scotland and posts that ranged from celebrating the birthdays of my brothers, my grandma, and my sister to all of the love I felt from people all over the world about the break-up. I got care packages from friends at home, home cooked meals from the girls in Scotland, and positive thoughts from the world of blogging.

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A birthday present to myself

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71967_587719625055_1326713815_nA proper St. Pats celebration

April of 2013 saw a visit from my parents and real healing. I really started to explore and enjoy the city, spent a lot of time outside of my room with my friends, and showed my dad why I loved the city so much.  April also marked my 100th post.

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This is my favorite picture taken in the course of this journey.

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May 2013 saw the end of my journey in Scotland. I really did not want to leave. I spent as much time as I could with my friends, made a plan of how to tackle life when I returned to the States. I went to Dundee, visited Rosslyn Chapel, and started work on my dissertation.

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June of 2013 saw a mini vacation to see some of my friends and a lot of work on my dissertation. I got a job interview for a teaching position, and attempted to adjust to being back in the States. I only unpacked what was necessary, and spent 8 hours a day writing.

 

Onward ho! Thanks to my awesome navigational skills we found everything we needed

Onward ho! Thanks to my awesome navigational skills we found everything we needed

 

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July of 2013 saw my struggles with writer’s block, my fear that I would never finish my dissertation, and my struggles to readjust to life at home. I was still talking to my friends from Scotland on a regular basis, and I was gearing up to start school at CSUF.

By August I finally finished my dissertation. I was very excited of the work I produced. I went to a wedding and reconnected with an old love, and realized that my wanderlust was not going to go away. I started the doctoral program, and was hopeful about the academic journey I was about to embark on.

Look mom, I'm wearing heels!

Look mom, I’m wearing heels!

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September was stressful for me. I was still waiting to find a job, and saw my bank account quickly emptying. I got the chance to babysit for my cousins, got to see two of my favorite people from college marry, and learned how to get in touch with my inner philosopher.

She feeds herself,  allowing me two hands to hold my textbook open

She feeds herself, allowing me two hands to hold my textbook open

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October of 2013 was the month results for my dissertation was released. I got an A and was on top of the world. I fell in love again, and thought I was in a really solid relationship. I learned how to navigate race and academia, and felt like I was finally getting the hang of being a doctoral student.

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November 2013 was my favorite month since being home. I got to return to Scotland and celebrate my graduation. I got to take Kelly with me so she could finally see the beauty of the place. I finally had a job, and was making a little bit of money, and I got the idea to make a literacy group that allowed kids to read with puppies.

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December saw the end of 2013, and the end of my first year as a doctoral student. I was struggling with juggling work, school, family and the boy, and a wonderful Christmas with my family

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January 2014 saw a new year, and what I hoped would be a new attitude. I started a happiness challenge, tried to make the relationship with the boy better, and made inappropriate posts that made me laugh.

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In February I found myself sliding back into old habits. I was growing increasingly depressed, tried to figure out how to deal with my doubts, and dealt with some uncomfortable feelings about the death of a woman that I did not like. I found myself very homesick for Scotland, and wanting to run away again. I got a new tattoo to celebrate my upcoming birthday.

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March of 2014 passed in a blur. I turned 26, let the depression get the best of me, and spent all of my free time working . The posts were mostly other people’s words, or pictures of me from my youth. I couldn’t really find my own words well enough, and was doing all that I could to pretend I wasn’t miserable. I did enjoy my family, and the support they gave me.

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And now we are almost through with April. It has been an interesting month to say the least. Another love finished, another good long look in the mirror, and another month of being incredibly busy. The good thing about this month is that I recently found out that I have been given two classes to teach in the fall. My class from this semester was cancelled, but now I can quit the job I took to pay my bills in favor of a career. I am very excited about that.

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All in all, this blog has been very good to me. It has allowed me to chronicle one of the best years of my life, and allowed to me learn and grow, and process life after that. I will keep it up for the next 100 posts and see where the road takes me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Scamp and Passover

This week marks the Jewish celebration of Passover.

For those who don’t know anything about the holiday, here is what Chabod says about it:

After many decades of slavery to the Egyptian pharaohs, during which time the Israelites were subjected to backbreaking labor and unbearable horrors, G‑d saw the people’s distress and sent Moses to Pharaoh with a message: “Send forth My people, so that they may serve Me.” But despite numerous warnings, Pharaoh refused to heed G‑d’s command. G‑d then sent upon Egypt ten devastating plagues, afflicting them and destroying everything from their livestock to their crops.

At the stroke of midnight of 15 Nissan in the year 2448 from creation (1313 BCE), G‑d visited the last of the ten plagues on the Egyptians, killing all their firstborn. While doing so, G‑d spared the Children of Israel, “passing over” their homes—hence the name of the holiday. Pharaoh’s resistance was broken, and he virtually chased his former slaves out of the land. The Israelites left in such a hurry, in fact, that the bread they baked as provisions for the way did not have time to rise. Six hundred thousand adult males, plus many more women and children, left Egypt on that day, and began the trek to Mount Sinai and their birth as G‑d’s chosen people.

So now that you’ve had a history lesson, you can get the Scamp’s interpretation of Passover. For me, it is a chance to get together with my family and take pictures like this one:

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Plague sandwich anyone?

Last year I didn’t celebrate Passover in Scotland. I was trying to deal with heartstompapoolza, and trying to make the most of the time I had left in the city. This year, I am spending the day in class. I spent the first night at a baseball game, and accidentally ate a hot dog. While I am not kosher, I’m sure that eating pork on a Jewish holiday is frowned upon somewhere. I was appropriately greeted with locust. We laughed and had a great time at the game, and with the fact that I am a bad Jew, and that would not have happened if we were at a formal seder.

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I’m spending the second night in class. I fact, I am writing this from class when I should be paying attention to leadership styles and human resources.

While I am not spending the holiday at a big family dinner the way we usually do, I have to admit that I am not sad about it. I often feel a little fake at the family dinners because I do not consider myself religious in the traditional sense, and lately, I have not been feeling particularly interested in mixing with more than my immediate family. In fact, I didn’t feel bad about being passed over on the invite list for the family dinner. I have four weeks left in the semester and have enough on my plate.

I got to spend last night with my family, and at the end of the day, whether we did it around a table with a formal seder, or in the bleachers at a baseball game, so I consider the holiday a success.

Chag Sameach everyone.

Scamp Rant

I should be working on a paper that is due next week, but I am mad.

Really really mad.

My mom works hard. Really hard. She spends a lot of time developing curriculum, planning, scheduling, and running events, and making sure that her students leave her room at the end of the year better people. She does most of this as a committee of one, and often does it without ever being thanked or acknowledged for all of the work, time and effort that it takes to run the events, develop the curriculum, and make sure that her students are getting where they need to be academically. She works in an environment where she is belittled by the administration, singled out for mistakes she is not making, and often taken advantage of by some of the other members of the staff.

Today was no exception. She has spent this year learning how to use IPads in her classroom. She has learned how to use programs that would allow her students to make movies, presentations, and other creative activities in class. She has some pretty talented kids, and the projects they have made are pretty great. Her students have a chance to present at an upcoming technology showcase, and today another teacher told my mother’s students that they will present for her at the showcase instead. As of now, the principal is allowing this, putting my mom’s students in a difficult position, and causing my mom to pull out of the showcase and not get recognized for all of the work she has done with her students.

The problem is, this makes my mom doubt her value. She feels that she is not good enough to go to bat for, or to be allowed to showcase all the work that she and her students have done this year.

Everyone who knows her, knows that is complete and utter bullshit.

Here is my rant:

What message is that sending to the students? In the golden age of entitlement that we currently live in, the kids are now being shown that it doesn’t matter who worked hard to put together the presentation, if you think it is something that will make you look good, go ahead and take it. There is no value in doing your own work if you can take it from somewhere (or someone) else, and if you are not one of the popular pretty people, you are not worth defending.

Of course, most of the kids are so self entitled that they won’t even notice this is happening, but it still makes me angry to think that this is what students are being taught. One day these kids will be running companies, working as doctors and lawyers, or raising their own kids. I don’t want a doctor that cheated his way through school, a business owner who stole from someone else, or a lawyer who thinks they are entitled to all of my money without doing any work for me. I know that it is easy for me to sit on my high horse and judge people just because I wouldn’t do any of this to others, but I really worry about what life is going to be like when I am older and need to depend on people who don’t understand the value of being honest, working hard, and acknowledging those around them who work hard.

mini rant over.

 

The Scamp and Her Addiction

Hi, my name is Kim and I am addicted to cute animal pictures, videos, and posts.

 

Taken from http://dontpkethebear.com/

The 30 Happiest Animals Of All Time

1. This gorilla that just discovered its favorite season

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2. This goat that is just happy to be a goat
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3. This duckling that won’t get left behind

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4. This corgi that is ready for takeoff

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5. This ostrich that hits that dougie

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6. This dog Skyping with his owner for the first time since he was deployed overseas

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7. This quokka that is the cutest marsupial possible

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8. This smug little piglet all wrapped in blankets

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9. This penguin that loves the snow

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10. This wide-eyed puppy that is ready for anything

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11. This Galapagos seal chillin’ in the shade

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12. This party animal shopping for a wild night

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13. This kitty that just discovered the heater for the first time

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14. This old rascal jumping up to greet his owner

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15. This German Shepherd that wants to be a puppy again

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16. This Husky going for a quick dip

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17. Elmo, who is just happy to be a sheep.

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18. This poofball that loves to play patty cake

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19. This curious little guy that will make an excellent guide dog

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20. This furball who is ready for a walk

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21. This cuteness overload

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22. This goose that is ready for seconds

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23. This seal having the ROFL of a lifetime

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24. This little guy who is on the way home from the adoption center

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25. This fox that wants to be your pet dog

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26. This pig enjoying its first pumpkin

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27. This alligator who is positioned for the perfect scratch

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28. ”Ooooh, right there, human.”

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29. These three who are BFFs

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30. This bulldog who just found its life-calling

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The Scamp Unloads a Burden

I’ve been pretending I’m fine for months, thinking that if I pretended I wasn’t depressed again, it would go away. I said I was fine so many times that I created, and then destroyed a relationship I had no business being in. I said I fine so many times that I eventually was consumed by the word and didn’t know how to say I was unhappy, or that I needed help beyond what anyone I love could objectively give me.

I’m an avid freshly presser. I love reading what people have to say on subjects I am interested in (and one day secretly hope to grace the page). Today I came across a blog that perfectly captured how I feel (You can find the owner of the words that so perfectly capture what I am sure many people struggling with depression feel here: http://blackdogrunner.wordpress.com/)

BDR writes:

When you’re in the clutches of depression, it requires an enormous amount of energy. Many a day I’ve gone to work, said nothing except a couple of ‘fine thank yous’ , and come home utterly exhausted. Which has a knock-on effect on my ability to do it all over again the next day.

But there’s another problem – a more insidious problem – with lying. Every time you tell someone you are ‘fine’ – when you’re not – you buy into the belief that it’s not acceptable to be depressed. In other words, the act of concealing your true mood, sends a subconscious message that it needs concealing, that it’s something to be ashamed of.

I’m exhausted. I spent so much time anxiously worried about the state of my relationship, or how busy I was, or how behind I fell with school work, that I could literally crawl in bed and sleep for days. In fact, I would like nothing more than to pull the covers over my head and not resurface until all of these feelings have passed.

I saw a therapist on campus…..I didn’t like her (I have since made a new appointment with a different person in hopes of finding a better fit).

I have three jobs and no insurance, so I didn’t look for an affordable option.

I have phoned it in at work and school, and not many people would have ever known something was wrong until last week when I lost control of my tear ducts and cried in oddest of places.

My self-worth at this moment is severely lacking. It is the one thing that I need to work on figuring out. It is one of the reasons I jumped into a relationship, it is one of the reasons I hide behind school, and it is one of the things I am constantly reminded of, but am somehow unable to see.

Today was my lucky day in class though. I got two cards from two of my favorite cohort members. One was a great note thanking me for being me, and listing qualities that she enjoyed about me. She has been doing this every week for the different members of our group, and mine just so happened to come at a time when I needed a reminder to look at all the good about myself.

The second card came from a woman that I love. he is one of the bravest, warmest, and inspired people I have ever met. She has a passion for people that is beyond anything I can hope to have, and she constantly reminds me what it means to fully invest in your dreams. She was a strong comforting shoulder for me last week, and the card she gave me tonight will be one I keep close for a good long while.

It says:

It isn’t always easy to make changes, but there’s no better advice than this: just do your best. Make sure you stay strong enough to move ahead, because there are some wonderful rewards waiting for you.

It won’t all make sense right away, but I promise you; over the course of time, answers will come, decisions will prove to be the right ones, and the path will be easier to see. Here are some things you can do that will help see you through….

You can have hope. Because it works wonders for those who have it. You can be optimistic. Because people who expect things to turn out for the best often set the stage to receive a beautiful result. You can put things into perspective. Because some things are important and others are definitely not.

You can remember that beyond the clouds, the sun is still shining. You can meet each challenge and give it all you’ve got.

You can count your blessings. You can be inspired to climb your ladders and have some nice long conversations with your wishing stars. You can be strong and patient. You can be gentle and wise.

And you can believe in happy endings. Because you are the author if the story of your life.

                                                                                                Douglas Pagels

I’m going to look to the strong and patient, gentle and wise parts to get me through.

As per my usual, I have been way too emotionally open and honest about being a hot mess. This blog was supposed to be my adventures in Scotland, and then my adventures in the doctoral program. It has become my outlet for all of the thoughts and feelings that I can’t seem to voice in my everyday life. I don’t hide behind the anonymity that the blogosphere offers since I post the link to my Facebook, and I am sure one day I will cringe about all of the things I have put out into the world, but right now, in this moment, I feel a little bit better about getting this off my chest.