adventure

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 30

Posted on by erranteditor

I’ve hit a wall this week. The never ending edits to a 10 page paper are killing me, the statistical data I collected this academic year show an overwhelmingly neutral attitude towards assessment and feedback practices, and the only thing that I want to do is read a trashy romance novel while curled up in my bed.

This is not a new feeling for me. I have not felt all that productive for months. The less productive I feel, the more overwhelmed I feel, and the less work that I actually get done. The frustrating thing about all of this is that I know that I am stuck in this loop, know what I have to do to get out of it, and yet, I’m not actively working to try and stay out of it. One of the hardest things about my depression, and my crazy good self awareness, is that I can often see the mistakes I am making, and even understand why I am making them, but I can’t always stop them. Right now, because I am feeling a little bit stuck with my research, it is keeping me in a nice little depressive loop.

The challenge for this week is to write about what I love about this season of my life. I thought that this would be a hard one to write, but really, it is pretty darn easy. I’m currently sitting in the waiting room of my 30s (thanks Kelsey for that one), and I have to say, despite my ongoing battle with depression, this season of my life is pretty darn great. Once I started thinking about all of the things that I love about my life right now, the list got pretty dang long.

  • I’m sitting on my couch, in a flat that is perfect for me, in Edinburgh. Two years ago I was sitting in the office at my mom’s house studying for the qualifying exam for the EdD programme. I was stressed, but knew that I would pass that hurtle and be that much closer to finishing my degree. This time last year I was filling out customs forms and trying to ship off three boxes of my stuff to meet me here. Yesterday, the sun made a rare appearance and I sat in my window box and soaked up the heat. I wore my bathing suit in hopes that the really white parts of me would get some much needed colour. I’m one year down on my PhD, and although lately the process has led to more tears than smiles, I am really proud that I have made it this far

 

  • I’ve finally figured out how to maintain friendships. I always joke that I am a shitty friend but an excellent pen pal. I spent a lot of time in California by myself, but wasn’t exactly a social butterfly. Most of the time I couldn’t be bothered to go out or do the things that many of the people I had been friends with for a long time wanted to do. Here, I am surrounded by people who also think tacos, beer and movie nights are a good thing. People who will go to the symphony with me, laugh at my puppy videos, and keep me away from chocolate. The few friends I still have in the US have sent me care packages, Skype with me regularly, and text me all the time. I love that technology is so easy to use now that I can text and send pictures as often as I want, and see their faces just about whenever I want. They never make me feel bad about the time difference, and they are always willing to fit me into the schedule.

 

  • I’ve stopped apologising for my personality. I used to get really defensive about wanting to live in Scotland, my love for traveling and cat videos, the fact that I love flamingos and ultra bright yoga pants. I like to crack jokes when making presentations, I think sarcasm and passive aggressive comments fix everything, and I have shoes for every occasion. I love bad reality TV. I’m a little bit weird. People seem to like that. Even the boy humours me on occasion with the puppies, the yoga pants, laughing at my own jokes. It took awhile, but I am finally comfortable with who I am.

 

  • I’m a more honest person. I’ve been working on this blog for 6 years. In that time I’ve discussed my struggles with money, the horrible relationships I’ve been in, my lupus, and more recently, my ongoing battle with depression. 6 years ago I wouldn’t have admitted to the world that I was struggling. I wouldn’t have been open about what I was going through. I would have bucked up and pretended everything was okay. I would have worked hard to maintain friendships and relationships with toxic people, and I would never do anything that would show any form of weakness. Now I cry a lot, ask for help, and let people in a little bit so they can help. I’m really trying to make progress with therapy and I’ve set ridiculous goals for myself to try and stay out of the dark and twisty.

All in all, I feel pretty darn lucky to be in this stage of my life. It’s not perfect, and right now it isn’t as much sunshine and roses as I would like, but it is pretty darn good. Speaking of crossing things off my list of things to do before I turn 30, I was able to cross another one off the list. I just about completed a book that is more than 500 pages. I’m at page 900 of a 1200 page Stephen King book about the assassination of President Kennedy. I’ll eventually finish it, even if I find it really strange, but for now, I am going to say it meets the requirement.

  1. Learn how to drive in the UK.
  2. Present at an academic conference
  3. Start a new tradition
  4. Go back to therapy
  5. Visit three new countries
  6. Ride in a hot air balloon
  7. Quit the tutoring centre
  8. Volunteer for a literacy programme
  9. Read a book that has more than 500 pages
  10. Make my bed everyday for at least three months
  11. Have a solid draft of my thesis completed
  12. Master scorpion pose
  13. Attend the symphony
  14. Learn a rap song from start to finish
  15. Host a dinner party
  16. Create a  budget so I can pay down my student loans
  17. Create something original
  18. Create a solid workout regime
  19.  Go on a long hike (6 miles or more)
  20. Learn to dance
  21. Eat an exotic meal
  22. Learn to cook a fancy meal
  23. Yell at a football match
  24. Go horseback riding
  25. Master British spelling and punctuation
  26. Create a good sleep schedule
  27. See my favorite group in concert
  28. Fall in love
  29. Stop holding grudges
  30. Let go of my expectations

The Scamp Experiences the Edinburgh Jazz and Blues Festival

Posted on by erranteditor

Festivals are a big thing in Edinburgh. A really big thing. For the last week the Edinburgh Jazz Festival has taken over the city showering us with good music, interesting band names, and tourists.

I’m not a huge fan of the last one.

According to the official website:

Edinburgh Jazz Festival was set up in 1978 by banjo-player and guitarist, Mike Hart. Mike’s initial focus was on traditional jazz and a host of events taking place for free admission in pubs. By the mid-80’s the Festival had added ticketed events, and had broadened its musical policy to encompass swing and mainstream jazz and occasionally some more modern groups.

The festival supports Scottish artists, but also supports musicians from around the world, giving them the chance to showcase their talents and share their music with the masses.

Lately I have been trying to do things that will make me feel better, so I decided that it would be worth seeing what the festival  had to offer this year. My selection process was simple: the day and time had to fit in with my schedule and the name of the group had to be fun. I selected two groups based on those criteria: Bratislava Hot Serenaders and Alligator Gumbo.

First up: Bratislava Hot Serenaders

I’m ashamed to admit that while I knew Bratislava was a place, I had no idea where it was. Turns out it is the capital of Slovakia and has one kick ass orchestra. They started in 1991 and have 19 members, including 2 male singers and three women known as the Serenader Sisters. They rearrange and reconstruct old jazz tunes and focus on American Jazz and music from the 20s and the 40s. They also fuse Slovak dance music with jazz. They are dress in 1920s fashion and have a really awesome vintage vibe.

I saw them on a Wednesday afternoon, and was the youngest person in the audience by about 30 years. This show was a good test for me in a couple of ways. The show was in a small tent in St. Andrew’s Square. It was hot, we were packed in like sardines, and I was forced to keep my claustrophobia in check. I was surprised that I was able to make it through the show with only a mild panic. The other test was to go and do something on my own. It has been a long time since I just went on an adventure by myself. When I walked into the tent one of the volunteers asked me if I was alone, and when I said yes, gave me a pity pat on the shoulder and told me there were plenty of seats for singles at the front.

Bitch.

Besides that, the show was great. The music was good, and even though British people don’t really move to the music, I enjoyed myself.

Second up: Alligator Gumbo

According to their website:

 Alligator Gumbo have been playing together since the summer of 2011. Based in Leeds, West Yorkshire, they have played extensively around the north of England to rave reviews. Playing jazz from the hey-day of the New Orleans swing era, in particular the “roaring 20s”, where Jazz music featured instruments such as the violin, clarinet and accordion particularly amongst the Creole musicians based in the city who helped to define this style. Before the time of the jazz big bands, swing music was raw and largely improvised with melodies and solos happening simultaneously which has now become defined as the ‘New Orleans’ sound. Alligator Gumbo strive to keep this style alive in their renditions of popular songs from this unique time and place.

This was another show I went to on my own. This was a Saturday afternoon show, and once again, I was the youngest person in the audience. They had us packed in tightly again, but I managed to sit on an end, so it wasn’t so bad. This group. Let me tell you about this group. They were so nerdy and endearing. They were also super talented musicians.

I would see them again in a heartbeat. It was again odd to me that no one was dancing to the music, but that didn’t stop me from my offbeat clapping and bobbing in my seat.

Bonus: Rob Heron and the Tea Party Orchestra

This is a group from Newcastle upon Tyne, which also happens to be the birthplace of a certain English muffin that I currently call my manpanion. He had seen them play at a pub in Newcastle, and when he saw they were here, thought it would be fun to see them again. We’ve been having some differences of opinions on what a relationship should be like, so when he wanted to go and make a night of it, I jumped at the chance. We had a couple of drinks, walked to the show and had a great time. Again, not many people got up to dance and move, but we did in our seats, laughed and had a good time. We had a couple of drinks after the show and then some very greasy chips with cheese and garlic mayo while watching a Brian Cox documentary. I made my way home at 2 am because sleepovers can only happen if I remember to bring all my medication with me.

If only our relationship was that much fun all the time.

Overall, 3/3 on successful jazz festival shows. It was a good way to spend the week. Now the art festival is picking up and before I can blink it will be time for the Fringe.

Oh how I love festival season.

 

 

 

 

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 29

Posted on by erranteditor

Scottish summer came and went this week. It was a good Tuesday. I wore a sundress and flip flops. I sat in the park by my house until 8pm. My nose got sunburned and my legs look a little less white.

Not a bad summer.

The challenge this week is to write about the last person I said I love you to. I say I love you a lot to a lot of people in my life….okay, to be fair, the only people in my life in any real meaningful way are people that I love.

I think the last person though was my BFF. Because of his super secret spy job I am not allowed to post pictures of him on the internet, but we met here in Scotland and have been besties ever since we went to Belfast a few years ago. He supported me through two bad break-ups, exile from the US, and has offered to marry me so I can become a Scottish citizen if they are successful in gaining their independence from the UK. He worries a lot about my depression, so he drags me out of the house and takes me on adventures around Scotland so I don’t sit around and mope.

Last weekend we took the train to Linlithgow and spent the day walking around the birth place of Mary Queen of Scots and soaking in some culture. We pretended that we were hip and watched golf, and laughed our way through the ridiculousness of my love for puppies and my efforts to touch a swan (or a duck, or goose, and any dog that came close to me).

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We’ve made plans for other excursions around Scotland, and even though he is ditching me for Leeds Leeds Leeds and a PhD, we’ve made plans to meet and explore England as well. I’m not exactly sure why he puts up with me, but I love him all the same.

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 28

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It is raining again. Shouldn’t be a surprise. It has been raining off and on since I moved here. The rain is starting to drive me crazy. When the sun does come out it is for about five minutes, maybe ten, and then the clouds blow back in and the rain starts.

I need a weekend away. I need lots of weekends away. I’ve been avoiding the office for two weeks. I went in yesterday for a couple of meetings and today I went back to hiding out at my house. I had a meeting with the supervisor I can relate to the most, and she said that the main supervisor asked her to have a chat with me because the last time he gave me bad news I didn’t take it well. My report has been turned in and hopefully it won’t be kicked back, which means I can be an official PhD student.

We shall see though.

I felt a lot better after the chat with my supervisor, she is really good at making me feel better, but by the end of the second meeting, my main supervisor dashed my hopes again by telling me that the paper I have been working on since November is nowhere near ready to be considered for publication. After all of the edits, the comments, the back and forth between the four of us, now he tells me that the paper needs a lot of work to be good enough. Where was this 4 drafts ago?  I have no idea what is expected of me, or what I can do to read their minds.

and the sucky part? It is starting to make me doubt my ability. I have this horrible problem of attaching my worth to the things that I create. These papers, they are a part of me, a measure of me….and right now, they are not good enough….which means I am not good enough.

But I digress. The challenge for this week is to write about 5 major goals I have for my life. No big deal.

Goal 1: I want to get healthy. I am having a tough time staying mentally and physically healthy. I’m trying to get a handle on my Lupus, and so far, things have been pretty good. I’m hoping that in the next 6 months or so I can go off some of the medication. I would like to get down to less than 10 pills a day. I want to be able to overcome the dark and twisty and the self doubt and CSUF and be able to enjoy my life and all the good things around me.

Goal 2: I want to stay in the UK. Okay, by UK I mean I want to stay in Scotland. This is the only place I have ever felt at home. Leaving once almost destroyed me, and I am sure leaving a second time would. I love it here. I love the people, I love the way of life. I love that I can walk almost anywhere, and take the bus when I can’t. I love that the buildings are old and have a history, love all of the different accents that I get to hear on a daily basis.

Goal 3: I want to start my literacy foundation. I want to spend part of my days helping people learn how to read. I want to travel the world and set up programmes that teach kids to love books and allow them to be opened to a whole world of possibilities. Libraries are dying. Bookstores are dying. Curiosity and storytelling are dying. I want to bring that back. I want to bring it all back with paper books and not tablets and e-readers. I’m also going to make Reading with Rover a mandatory thing. Because nothing is better than books. Except puppies and books.

Goal 4: I want to get out of debt. This one speaks for itself.

Goal 5: I just want to be happy. All of the other goals are really to meet this one. I want to be one of those people that makes you sick she is so happy. If I was in a cartoon the sun would shine when I walked outside and flowers would bloom and sing.

And I want a puppy. Someone get me a puppy.

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 27

Posted on by erranteditor

The challenge this week is to make my bucket list.

I am currently working my way through my 30 things to do before I am 30, and right now, that is serving as my bucket list. When I complete that I will make a new list of things to do.

Here is my list as it stands now:

  1. Learn how to drive in the UK.
  2. Present at an academic conference
  3. Start a new tradition
  4. Go back to therapy
  5. Visit three new countries
  6. Ride in a hot air balloon
  7. Quit the tutoring centre
  8. Volunteer for a literacy programme
  9. Read a book that has more than 500 pages
  10. Make my bed everyday for at least three months
  11. Have a solid draft of my thesis completed
  12. Master scorpion pose
  13. Attend the symphony
  14. Learn a rap song from start to finish
  15. Host a dinner party
  16. Create a  budget so I can pay down my student loans
  17. Create something original
  18. Create a solid workout regime
  19.  Go on a long hike (6 miles or more)
  20. Learn to dance
  21. Eat an exotic meal
  22. Learn to cook a fancy meal
  23. Yell at a football match
  24. Go horseback riding
  25. Master British spelling and punctuation
  26. Create a good sleep schedule
  27. See my favorite group in concert
  28. Fall in love
  29. Stop holding grudges
  30. Let go of my expectations

I’m working to finish a book that is more than 500 pages, and to create something original. I still have 25 to do and time is getting away from me.

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 25

Posted on by erranteditor

It is raining. It is cold. It is the end of June. I’m not happy. This weather is making me sad. On the upside, my last shift at the tutoring centre is tomorrow. I’m terrified. The money situation had gotten better, and I would be able to pay my loan payment and for therapy. Now, who knows. My mommy told me she will help me pay my bills, but I cannot ask for that amount of money every month. Hopefully something else will come along….or I will win the lottery.

But, me crying about money is not the point of the writing challenge. This week the challenge is dedicated to three rules that I live by. I’ve been thinking about this one all week. I know what my little moral compass says, but I am not always sure I can label it as a rule. I’ll do my best to try and put some things down though that cover the way I live.

Rule 1: Don’t be a shitlord

Although it is really difficult for me sometimes, I try to be compassionate to those around me. I’ve been working really hard over the last two years to be nicer to people and really try to be clam when dealing with situations that are stressful. This one is really hard, and this rule is a work in progress, but so far I have noticed that when I am nicer to people, they are nicer to me. I also have way less headaches. It has made my recent dark and twisty more bearable as well. My friends and family have been amazing at checking in, sending me care packages, and skyping with me. My friends here have let me cry to them, met me for dinner and drinks, and have offered to celebrate my last shift at the tutoring centre. I am a lucky lucky girl, and I think that part of it is because I am trying my hardest not to be a shitlord….and I am I willing to say I am sorry when I fuck up.

Valuable lesson: When in doubt, do yoga. Yoga helps keep you from being a shitlord.

Rule 2: Be a Flamingo in a flock of pigeons

I like cat videos. I love flamingos and trashy romance novels. I have a lot of tattoos and I love a liberal use of the word fuck. I am overly sarcastic and cynical. I moved 5,000 miles away from my family because the only place I have ever felt at home happens to be in Edinburgh, Scotland. I’m not really a fan of night clubs and public drunkenness. I think mustard should be its own food group, and I believe hot chocolate is a cure for just about anything. I love books. I love education. I love being a student. I have Lupus. I suffer from depression and crippling self doubt. I got kicked out of a programme for being a racist….some days I think I might be racist. People think I am weird and dorky, and you know what, I probably am.

But that’s okay. It took me ten years and a lot of therapy to be okay with who I am. I used to spend a lot of time wanting to please people and worrying about what people thought about me. I drove myself crazy for almost two years when I moved back to California trying to be happy there and feeling defensive about my gypsy soul. Since I have embraced my flamingo ways I have been to some amazing places and met some amazing people. The thing is, the weird is what leads to some of these friendships, and to some very interesting conversations. Learning to be happy with myself was hard, really hard, but I think by the time I turn 30 I will be a really good flamingo.

Rule 3: Always ask for help

This one speaks for itself. It doesn’t make you weak, or cause people to think less of you. In fact, most people will respect you more if you ask for help.

This week is going to be a doozy. I have the end of the tutoring centre, my transfer of title meeting to become an official PhD student, a conference in Manchester where I am presenting a paper, and a meeting with the other folks in Scotland who are using the same methodology.

I want a hug, and a puppy. or a puppy that gives hugs.

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 24

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It is going to be hard to top yesterday’s hilarious story from the kids, but I dedicated to the weekly challenge.

Like last week’s challenge, I am having a hard time thinking of what to write for this one. This week’s challenge is to write about the last new thing that I tried.

Nothing comes to mind. My life right now is pretty boring. An all work and no play type of thing. I’m currently in the middle of trying to finish a draft of a paper up for publication, write a report that will advance me to a proper PhD candidate, and work on two separate papers with two other research assistants to bolster my CV and hopefully get accepted at a couple of conferences (one of which is in Wales. I’ve never been to Wales.). All I can think about is the amount of work that needs to be done, and the amount of time that I have spent watching cat videos on YouTube because I’m looking for an excuse not to write.

I think this post would better suit me in a couple of weeks when I get my first solo presentation at a well respected academic conference. I am so excited for my three minute ‘nano presentation’. The paper being presented will be done by then (hopefully) and I will get a chance to razzle dazzle the crowd in sunny Manchester. This is an extension conference from the one that I attended almost a year ago, and this time when I get there, I will already know some people going. Seeing the familiar faces in the crowd will make it easier to present as well.I got a bit of practice in short presentations this week when another research and I presented a poster at the 2016 Edinburgh Napier Research Conference. The poster we presented is not what I will be presenting at the end of the month, but it was good to practice talking with people and trying to be short and sweet about it. My supervisor liked the poster we made as well, which was an extra cherry on my phone little academic sundae.

This month has been a real struggle for me. The weather has me feeling down, a lot of deadlines are fast approaching, and it has been a long time since I had an adventure, so I am starting to feel very antsy.

Maybe the weather will improve for next week and I can write all of these reports and finish all of these drafts while getting some sunshine as well. I miss sunshine.

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 22

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Sunshine! There is actual sunshine. I’ve seen the sun every day this week. I wore shorts on Tuesday. I brought only a light jacket with me today. I might actually get to see summer. My legs might actually get a tan.

This has been a long week of avoiding work as much as possible. I’m in the middle of interview transcription, and I hate it. I hate listening to my own voice, and it will take me about 6 hours to transcribe a 1 hour interview (okay, a lot longer than 6 hours because I am slow, I get bored, and often can only work ten minutes at a time before I get frustrated).  I am trying to keep things with the PhD progressing, and for the moment, things are a bit slow, but still moving. I’ve got a meeting set up for the end of the month to officially grant me PhD status, so now the draft of the paper I am writing needs to really be completed, and I have to write up everything that I have done for the last year, and hope that the committee feels that it has been enough to demonstrate that I am capable of completing two more years of study. In 17 days I will celebrate one year of living in Scotland, and in a little less than two months, I will have officially completed my first year of study.

I’m not sure where the time has gone.

The challenge for this week is to write about the place I currently call home.

If only I hadn’t sat down to write this with only 20 minutes before a meeting on what it is like to be an international student at Edinburgh Napier. I could write pages and pages and pages about Edinburgh, and what it means to live here. I’ve said it many times, both when I lived here three years ago, when I went back to California for a bit, and now that I am here: Edinburgh is the first place I have ever felt at home. For someone who spend a lot of time with words, I’m not really sure there are words that really cover how much I love it here. Moving here has been the most selfish thing I have ever done, and it is a choice that I would make over and over again. This city saved my life.

I think one of my favourite things about living here is the people that I get to meet. This is such an international city. I’m constantly surrounded by accents….and not just Scottish ones. It seems like this city is a magnet for people from all over the world. Everyone sounds different, and I love meeting people who have been living here for many years and have started to develop a hybrid Scottish/home accent. I hope that I live here long enough for that to happen to me. Even in the last year I notice that I have picked up vocabulary and phrases that are only said here.

4 years ago I got off a plane with my mom for a four day adventure that would determine the rest of my life. I applied and said yes for a position at the University of Edinburgh (but waited until I got to Scotland to tell my mom that I accepted), and scheduled a campus tour. I knew when I stepped off the plane that I was going to move here and love it. We went to the zoo, navigated the bus system, and realized that it would be very easy (and very safe for me to live here on my own. I spent the next four months preparing for the move (and starting this blog). Once I was here I made friends, learned how to walk everywhere and anywhere, and explored every inch of this city.

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PRC and I had a lot of good times here, and I wrote the best piece of academic work I have produced to date from the education that I got here. Anyone who has been a long time reader knows that returning to California was the hardest thing I have ever done, and that my transition back to American living did not go well at all. A lot of times the only thing that kept me going was the thought that I was getting the EdD with the soul intention of coming back here to live and work.

This time around I’m living in a great flat near the water, I’m dating a nice guy (although cultural communication brings its own fun challenges) and have made some lovely new friends to go along with the ones I have loved so dearly for the last four years. Many of the people that stay in contact with regularly are the ones that I have met here and have moved to other parts of the world.

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This is my front yard as it were. I catch the bus from here, and it drops me off at night right in front of my building. While there are some days that I miss driving, I can walk or take the bus to everything that I need or want. I’m already planning some trips that will take me around Europe, and even on my worst days here, it is still happening in Scotland. I’m hoping that in 6 years when my student visa runs out I will be able to get a work visa, or at least apply to become a permanent resident. I’m not leaving unless the government forces me to.

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 20

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On this day three years ago I was greeted at the airport with a sign that said “Welcome Home Shithead”

I’d finished my coursework for my MSc, had three months to write my dissertation before starting the EdD programme, and had a lot of sunshine to catch up on. My dissertation became my full time job, with breaks for the pool and the gym. I was experiencing reverse culture shock in a major way, and coming off the terrible break-up with David, I was very unsure about my future.

Flash forward to today: I’m sitting on the window ledge in the flat of one of my best friends in Scotland. We have been doing buddy work from home Friday for the last few weeks. I’ve finished a second draft of a paper for my thesis, I have a therapy appointment in a couple of hours, and a study date with the boy this evening.  In 30 days I will celebrate my 1 year anniversary living in Scotland, and will be getting ready for my official transfer of title making me the very first PhD in education at Edinburgh Napier University.

The writing challenge for this week is to think about the ways I have changed in the last year. To be honest, I am not sure I have enough time or space to write about how I have changed in the last year. This time last year I was getting ready to say goodbye to the US. I was packing for Spain and Portugal, I was shipping boxes to Scotland to be here when I arrived, and I was not feeling depressed at all. I thought that all of my problems were solved because I was moving back to the one place in this world that I ever felt like home. I thought I had worked through my issues with the EdD. program, thought I was done with therapy, and thought that I was ready to tackle the world on my own. I was cocky, and living in a bit of a fantasy land.

Today I know that moving doesn’t always solve all your problems, but that they are much easier to deal with when you are happy where you live. I’m not as cocky, and while I still think I can tackle the world, I’ve learned that it is a lot more fun to do with the help and support of others. I’m more open about my depression, and the work that I am doing to manage my symptoms. I’m more open about needing help. I’m learning that it is important not to stop therapy when you feel like you are feeling better, but rather keep going, and keep working on myself so that those good feelings last a lot longer than the bad ones. I learned how to play the political game, which is serving me well this time around.

I’ve changed physically as well. I’ve added 5 tattoos to my body, I’m whiter than I have ever been, and I weigh more now than I ever have. While those last two bother me a bit, I am hoping that with summer just around the corner I can add some color to my skin. The weight bothers me, but as the boy has pointed out, he clearly likes the way I look, and that means I am probably the healthiest I have ever been. While I am very much still a work in progress, I am definitely headed in the right direction. I’d say that have learned so much about myself and the world in the last year that I have undoubtedly become a better person.

I really like the idea that I become a better person with the passing of each new year. I can get behind an idea like that.

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 19

Posted on by erranteditor

The sun is out. The sun is out and I am outside writing while the boyfriend studies for his exam. I am in a dress. My legs are exposed and getting some much needed colour. I’ve taken the last few days off of really doing anything work related, partly because I am lazy, and partly because I am tired and needed the break. Eventually I will get along to doing some work, but for right now, I think that enjoying the sunshine is the most important thing I could be doing for my health.

And this. This bit of writing is good for me. If nothing else, I can say that I did do some writing today. This week the challenge is fun. It is dedicated to a dream that I just can’t give up on. I have a few dreams that I am not ready to give up on, and seeing how I am only 29, I still have loads of time to make them happen.

The first one is making a living traveling. I would love to b paid to write and travel. I cannot think of a better way to spend my days than going on adventures in new places, meeting new people and experiencing the world. I was having a chat on the bus ride home last night with one of the assistant managers of the tutoring centre. We got to talking about traveling and why we want to see the world, and it turns out we both really just like to learn as much as we can about the world by actually being a part of it and interacting with it. It is nice to meet people like this. One of the things I struggled with the most when I first returned to the States three years ago was that people did not really understand my need for adventure and my love of living overseas. Some people that I had been friends with for years just couldn’t understand why I wanted a life outside our little city. It was tough. I struggled a lot with my identity, and the expectations I thought I had to live up to by returning. Through therapy I was able to come to terms with my janky thinking, and really love this adventurous part of me. Now I can’t wait to ride an elephant in Bali, spit off the Eiffel Tower in Paris, and swim in the crystal clear water of the Maldives. I have this incredible thirst to go everywhere and see as much as I can, and I don’t see that dream dying anytime soon.

The other dream that I am not going to give up on is starting a literacy foundation that helps kids all over the world to read. I already know what I would call it (thanks Soon-Ah), and I know that Reading with Rover would be a thing (because seriously, who doesn’t want to read with a dog?). I have a degree to finish, and some student loan debt to pay off, but once I manage that, then I am seriously going to figure out what it would take to start helping kids love books as much as I do.

In other exciting news, I officially get to cross another thing off my list. Today marks the 3 month point of making my bed every day. It is a habit now, and not just something I am doing to cross off the list. I am hoping that because I was able to make this a habit, that things like a solid exercise  routine will now be easier to manage.

Here’s to hoping.

  1. Learn how to drive in the UK.
  2. Present at an academic conference
  3. Start a new tradition
  4. Go back to therapy
  5. Visit three new countries
  6. Ride in a hot air balloon
  7. Quit the tutoring centre
  8. Volunteer for a literacy programme
  9. Read a book that has more than 500 pages
  10. Make my bed everyday for at least three months
  11. Have a solid draft of my thesis completed
  12. Master scorpion pose
  13. Attend the symphony
  14. Learn a rap song from start to finish
  15. Host a dinner party
  16. Create a  budget so I can pay down my student loans
  17. Create something original
  18. Create a solid workout regime
  19.  Go on a long hike (6 miles or more)
  20. Learn to dance
  21. Eat an exotic meal
  22. Learn to cook a fancy meal
  23. Yell at a football match
  24. Go horseback riding
  25. Master British spelling and punctuation
  26. Create a good sleep schedule
  27. See my favorite group in concert
  28. Fall in love
  29. Stop holding grudges
  30. Let go of my expectations