Travel

A Scamp Abraod

Posted on by erranteditor

At 6:30 pm BST I made it to Scotland.It was a long 30+ hours. I had a lot of time to think, and I think I finally realized the magnitude of the choice that I have made. I’m not really a crier, but lately, I’ve been crying a lot.

I cried at the ticket counter at the start of my trip because all of the info the stand in travel agent gave me was wrong and it cost me ten times what I thought it would to check my bag.

I cried before I got on the plane because I broke a zipper on one of my suitcases and had to repack all 4 bags to fit the weight requirements. I cried trying to get to the gate because my carry ons were very heavy and hard to carry and people kept telling me to go to the wrong gates.

I cried on the plane when  I found a copy of Guess How Much I love you that my mom snuck into my bag while I was trying to find one of the 4 million snacks that she packed for me.

I cried when I looked through the movie selection and Anchorman was the first choice. Lindsey quotes that movie to me all the time, and even though I have been a royal pain in the ass for the last few months and she is trying to get settled with class, work and a new city without G, she told me she would Skype me as much as I needed so I wouldn’t be lonely. She gave me tips and some great advice before I left too to make this trip as easy as possible.

I cried when I watched Men in Black 3 because Kelly loves those movies and we saw the first two in the theaters together. She kept telling me how selfish I was for leaving her and moving over here, but I don’t think she thinks I will miss her as much as I will.

I cried when I watched some dumb TV show and the girl talked about being in a cult in Mt. Shasta and that made me think of Joe and all the crazy things I know that he is going to do while he should be studying and working on his degree.

I cried when I was tired of watching movies and the music selection was everything from my ipod and every song that was played reminded me of David and how selfish I was to leave him for a year after I worked so hard to convince him that he wanted to be in a relationship with me.

I cried at the 90s music that played because it reminded me of Erika and Katie and all of the times I have sung Whitney Houston with Katie in various states of inebriation.

I cried in London when I had to lug my heavy bags everywhere and spent a whole lot of time being shuffled in the wrong terminals and the wrong lines for customs. I was a hot sweaty mess by the time I finally made it to the plane for Scotland. I ended up being able to catch a 30 min nap and that has been enough to sustain me until now. Now all I want to do is close my eyes and sleep until Saturday. I have a feeling I will be doing a lot of crying trying to get my bags moved into the dorm and take care of everything that needs to be done for move-in day. As much as I know I need to do this alone and learn how to be independent, I wish someone was here to help me navigate the day.

Tomorrow my goal for the day is to run errands and hang out outside as much as possible. I’m hoping it goes a lot smoother than the last 24 hours.

A Scamp in Denial

Posted on by erranteditor

I had  a plan. When I started this blog I had decided that I was going to chronicle my adventures leading up to Scotland, and then chronicle every detail of my life in Scotland. The last time I posted was a month ago, and with only 4 days until I leave, I did not do a very good job of recording the journey. The best reason I can give for that is that I am in denial. The big day sorta crept up on me, and I have run out of time.

I’m in denial of the fact that I leave on Tuesday. Complete and total denial. I’m not done packing, I keep sneaking shoes into the bag, and I didn’t even plan a goodbye party. I have been trying to scatter around town and see everyone before I go, but so far I am not doing such a great job. Instead of dwelling on that (or finishing the packing that needs to be done) I am going to lay on my bed and watch old episodes of Warehouse 13. That sounds like a good time to me.

Tramp Scamp

Posted on by erranteditor

There is a running joke in my life that I am a stripper. It started years ago when I became a librarian. People used to joke that if that career didn’t work out, then I could always become a stripper. People love stripper librarians. The joke resurfaced years later when my 90 year old Jewish neighbor asked me if I was a stripper when she saw me come home from my morning job and after seeing me leave the night before for my night job. My mother always said that she would support any career choice that I made as long as I didn’t become a crack whore, and I have to say, now that I am trying to find the money to pay for school, stripping doesn’t seem like such a bad idea.

Of course, I am a 25 year old nerdy Jewish girl with no rhythm. Now, there might be a market for that in Scotland, but I highly doubt it. I also know that there is no way that I can find my inner dance goddess between now and then. In the meantime, it looks like I will be hinting down student loans. At this point, I have settled into the idea of a loan. A loan will be paid back. I found out the other day that I got accepted into Cal State Fullerton’s Ed.D program. If I can delay that for a year, then I can get back into teaching and work towards being able to pay the loan off. Of course, I may need another loan to finance that career choice, but at this point, what is a little more debt?

There is another reason I could never become a stripper (not that I would ever seriously would). I fell in love and I know he would not approve of that career choice. While he has no idea I am in love with him, and I have no idea what will happen in the next few months, I know that there is no way I would do something to compromise what I have with him. Being in love terrifies me. I have no idea how he feels about me. I know that he cares about me, and that he likes me, but I don’t know if he is on the love boat, and frankly, I am too scared to ask. We are a clusterfuck of bad ideas and yet, he is the positive magnet to my negative one. I would never ask him to move, he would never ask me to stay, but I can’t help but wonder if he will change his mind about not doing a distance relationship. He changed his mind about giving me a second chance, so really anything is possible, but I do not want to get my hopes up.

In the meantime, I am going to try to stop putting off my visa application and the other scholarship applications, and I am going to pretend that I am not running out of time to be around the people I care about.