The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 10, 11 and 12

Can you tell I’ve been in California for three weeks visiting my family?

I should be finishing my taxes. I should be fixing the statistics that my supervisor doesn’t like. I should be working on my theory chapter. I should not be eating chocolate, binge watching Sons of Anarchy and staring at a blank Word Doc. That Word Doc has been blank for three weeks. I haven’t even thought about writing. Haven’t even been motivated to sit down and try it. I don’t like that feeling. I don’t do well with the stress of not being motivated.

So, because I am not feeling motivated to write, enjoy my life for the last three weeks in photos. It is hard to be depressed when you are surrounded by family.

I know. All of the photos involve me with my Muffin. That is pretty much how I spent the three weeks. Making sure that he knows who I am since he will be 2 before I can see him again.

I  managed to beat the worst of jet lag coming back, so I’m thinking that by next week I will be back in fighting shape.

I’m going to need it since I am going to have to tackle statistics and my thesis.

The Scamp’s Last Day of Her 20s

Tomorrow I will enter the next decade of my life. I’m currently horribly ill complete with fever, cough, sore throat and snot.

But I’m happy. While I was unable to cross all 30 things off the list, I did manage to do 21 of the 30 adventures, and I am just going to keep going until I can cross them all off (I really want to make a good budget so I can pay off my student loans). Today, on the eve of my 30th, I am able to cross two more off the list.

The first one that is coming off the list is number 29: Stop holding grudges. This one was a really difficult one because I love holding grudges. For the last few years I have been holding some serious grudges. I decided to let them go. I was able to mend some friendships, and I was able to walk away from one and I no longer miss the friendship or hate her for being so selfish and stupid. Letting go of those grudges has allowed me to make room for some new and amazing friendships (I’m looking at you Flamingos) and allowed me to really focus on the friendships and the people around me that keep me out of the dark and twisty. I also feel a lot better about the way I handle most situations because I am not as angry as usual and not as consumed with my grudges and perceived personal slights.

The second thing I get to cross off the list is number 28: Fall in Love. Now, before you get too excited, no, I did not fall in love with a boy. When I added this to the list a year ago, I was hoping that I would fall in love with the boy and move into a different phase of my disastrous relationships. But alas, that was a dud. The person that I fell in love with is way more important though. I fell in love with me. I’ve spent the last year working hard in therapy to sort through all the weird things that go on in my head. I’m learning how to take care of myself, how to find the balance between work and fun, and how to manage my expectations (That is number 30 on the list, but I am nowhere near ready to cross that one off the list, so it is staying unchecked for the moment). There was a moment earlier in the week that I was a little sad about not completing the list before my birthday, but then I realized everything that I was able to do, and how far I came in the last year. Really starting to love myself is a big thing though, and I think it is one of the things that is going to help make my 30s be just as great as I have been picturing them in my mind. Because, as RuPaul says, “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you going to love somebody else?”

Can I get an amen?

  1. Learn how to drive in the UK.
  2. Present at an academic conference
  3. Start a new tradition
  4. Go back to therapy
  5. Visit three new countries (Paris, Malta, Hungary)
  6. Ride in a hot air balloon
  7. Quit the tutoring centre
  8. Volunteer for a literacy programme
  9. Read a book that has more than 500 pages
  10. Make my bed everyday for at least three months
  11. Have a solid draft of my thesis completed
  12. Master scorpion pose
  13. Attend the symphony
  14. Learn a rap song from start to finish
  15. Host a dinner party
  16. Create a  budget so I can pay down my student loans
  17. Create something original
  18. Create a solid workout regime
  19.  Go on a long hike (6 miles or more)
  20. Learn to dance
  21. Eat an exotic meal
  22. Learn to cook a fancy meal
  23. Yell at a football match
  24. Go horseback riding
  25. Master British spelling and punctuation
  26. Create a good sleep schedule
  27. See my favorite group in concert
  28. Fall in love
  29. Stop holding grudges
  30. Let go of my expectations

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 9

Greeting from California!

The writing challenge for this week is to make a playlist of five songs to describe my week. I like this. I like music, and I often create a soundtrack for my life. I’m just warning you now that there is going to be more than five songs because I’m just having way too much fun with this. I’m going to start with Tuesday. Up first, a little 2pac

Every time I come to visit my heart space I hear this song in my head. I know that my travel day is going to be busy, but I usually get excited and can’t sleep the night before, and I never sleep on the plane, but by the time I land I have my third wind and swear I can smell real Mexican food, which makes it all worth it. I was very very very lucky and had two really easy flights with no one sitting in the seat next to me.

Song two: Estelle: American Boy

I sing this song when I land in London. It’s catchy and it makes me laugh.

Song three, Wednesday: The 1975: Chocolate

Hi my name is Kim and I am addicted to chocolate. I wasn’t as tired as I thought I would be and there was sunshine, so I was able to sit in the backyard and enjoy some vitamin D. I also went shopping with my mom and resisted the urge to buy all things chocolate. It worked…until I walked outside the store and the Girl Scouts got me with the cookies (and I already ate them while I checked my mail and had a Skype session).

Song four, Thursday: Best Friend

I spent Thursday hanging out with the little muffin and had some adventures in the neighborhood. He chats a lot more than the last time I was here, and we had a great day in the sunshine.

Song five, Friday: The Working Song

Friday was another day with the Muffin running errands and getting ready for a mega birthday bash. I picked up one of the best from the airport, another drove 5 hours to be here and I had myself a nice little reunion with the boys from Merced. I was surprised that they would come down for the party. I had a lot of fun with the Muffin going shopping for food, drinks, and party decorations. He is a good partner in crime.

Song six, Saturday:  LMFAO: Party Rock Anthem

40 people later. We partied. I got overwhelmed, got to see a lot of people that I have not seen in years, and missed out on having some tasty cake.

If I had a song for today it would be one of those sound machine recording of soothing sleep sounds. This week has worn me out. I’m almost out of the waiting room of my 20s. Who knows what will happen? I’m sad to say that I am not going to complete my list of 30 things to do before I am 30. I’m not sure how I feel about it. I really wanted to complete that list. It looks like it is now going to be 30 things to do before I’m 30 and a half.

 

 

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 7 and 8

Week 7: Dig through your couch cushions, your purse, or the floor of your car and look at the year printed on the first coin you find. What were you doing that year?

I got the year 2015. Hmmmm. Two years ago at this time I was in Boston with one of my favorite Scotland girls. We were there during one of the worst snow storms of that year, and we had an amazing trip. She was very supportive with all that was going on at CSUF, and she left our hostel room so that I could interview with my now supervisors. She kept telling me I had nothing to be nervous about, that I would be great during the interview, and then she took me out to celebrate on our last day in Beantown.

2015 was the year my life changed. It sucked. Parts of it were really hard, and really made me question everything that I was doing with my life. My depression was really bad, and there were a few days that were a struggle. I was able to see a really good therapist at the local community centre, and I know that she had a major hand in helping me get healthy.  My 28th birthday changed all of that. I jumped out of an airplane and got a job in Scotland.

2015 was the year the wombmate got pregnant, and tomorrow we will celebrate my muffin’s 1st birthday. I was lucky enough to get to be there for the birth and his first few days in the big bad world. In three days we will be reunited for mischief and mayhem.

Week 8: When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?

I like to joke that I am not really an adult yet, but I am sure I am. I’m not really sure about the first time, but the day I bought my Ford Escape was definitely a day that qualifies as an adult day for me. When my cute little Civic was totaled, I had a rental car until I got the insurance money. When I took the rental car back to the dealership, my brother-in-law and I decided to wander around a bit. A man came out to help us, and when he started talking to my bro-in-law, and when I saw Estelle, I knew I wanted her. Through the process he talked to my bro-in-law like he was in charge, but I asked to see the engine, talked about the oil changes and maintenance, and any previous accidents. Eventually he figures out that I am in charge, and although he talks to me the way a dad would talk to his daughter, he was nice. I usually let my dad handle these things, but after a quick call to him to see how low I could go on the price, I went in and negotiated everything on my own. Again, they talked to my bro-in-law first, and since that made me a little mad, I just held fast to the price I was willing to pay and then I drove home in a car that served me well for a year, and is now in the care of a good family friend.

While it seems like a silly thing to make me feel like an adult, when my dad said I did alright when he saw the car for the first time, I knew I was golden. Next year when I pay off the first of my student loans will really make me feel like an adult.

I am now getting ready for the long trip to California and the last few days of my 20s.

 

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 6

I know it is week 7. I’m a week late with this one, but I’m going to get it done and then get this week’s taken care of tomorrow. I’m tired. I hurt. I’m stressed. I’m freezing cold all the time. I just want to get in bed and pull the covers over myself.

Yesterday I fell asleep standing up at the bus stop. Today I had a meltdown in the uni library because I cannot make anything in my life run smoothly. I couldn’t manage to copy and paste correctly. It took me three hours to do three of my thirty questions. The only process should be completed in an hour. Any normal person would complete it in that time. I’m still not done with it. I spent more time commuting between campuses than working today. This has been a pattern for the last few weeks, and I am tired. I’m really really tired. I’m at the point where I am in a bad mood. I can feel my bad mood. I can feel myself snapping at people, not making good choices, and not eating healthy.

The challenge for this week is to explain the title for my blog. A Scamp Abroad is a play on Mark Twain’s A Tramp Abroad. I love Mark Twain. I have read everything he has ever written, I wrote my undrgrad thesis on his writing style, and I like to work him into conversation whenever I can.

For the purpose of his title, a tramp is:

noun
  1. a person who travels from place to place on foot in search of work or as a vagrant or beggar.

For the purpose of my title, a scamp is:

noun

informal
  1. a person, especially a child, who is mischievous in a likeable or amusing way.
    “some little scamp stuffed tissue paper in between the hammer and the bell”
    WEST INDIAN
    a wicked or worthless person; a rogue.
    “that man was a scamp, a damn thief”

I guess either of those definition of scamp could apply to me. I’ll let the reader decide which one is more fitting. This blog started as a way to keep my family and friends entertained with the adventures I had while going to school here. In the 5 years I have been working on it it has become a hybrid travel blog, diary, place for me to share the fun things that cross my mind at any given time. I’ve shared a lot, probably way too much about my life on here, my depression, my failed relationships, stunning disasters in the professional world. I’ve shared my trips, my victories, and my family. I really don’t know what the next five years will be like, but I am sure it will be much the same.

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 5

I’m a week late. I have not been motivated to write lately. I’m tired and have been running around for data collection, meetings with students and teaching in the evening. All of this is good though. Things are progressing nicely in all of those areas, and I am feeling much better about where I am in terms of my work compared to last year at this time, and I think I am finally on a steady path. I didn’t like the writing challenge for last week, and today marks my 30 day countdown to turning 30, so I thought it was time to update the list.

16. Create a budget to pay down my student loans. Unfortunately this one involves my mom helping me out for right now. There was no way I could afford to pay that and go to therapy, so I am burdening her for a bit longer. The loan is getting paid though, and I am a couple months away from being under $10,000. I’m really excited about that.

18. Create a solid workout routine. Even though the sleep doc couldn’t really help me with my sleep issues, she did give me some ways to help my joints during the day that forces me up and around, and I found a couple of yoga classes to do before bed. My phone also has a help app that guilts me into walking around more during the day. It works, as I try to get at least an hour of walking in a day.

22. Learn to cook a fancy meal. I made my own Chinese food! Orange chicken, chow mein, and egg fried rice. The rice I cheated on, but I made everything else.

The chow mein was a little bland, so I will have to keep working on that, but it wasn’t bad for my first attempt.

With 30 days left, I still have some big things to cross off the list. I’m working on the rap song, but finding a horse and hot air balloon here is super difficult. I’ve managed to get 20 things crossed off and still have some time to work on the rest. There is one thing on the list that I realize might be hard to cross off, but I am going to remain hopeful.

20 days until sunshine.

  1. Learn how to drive in the UK.
  2. Present at an academic conference
  3. Start a new tradition
  4. Go back to therapy
  5. Visit three new countries (1/3 done with my trip to Malta, next up, France in November and Hungary in December)
  6. Ride in a hot air balloon
  7. Quit the tutoring centre
  8. Volunteer for a literacy programme
  9. Read a book that has more than 500 pages
  10. Make my bed everyday for at least three months
  11. Have a solid draft of my thesis completed
  12. Master scorpion pose
  13. Attend the symphony
  14. Learn a rap song from start to finish
  15. Host a dinner party
  16. Create a  budget so I can pay down my student loans
  17. Create something original
  18. Create a solid workout regime
  19.  Go on a long hike (6 miles or more)
  20. Learn to dance
  21. Eat an exotic meal
  22. Learn to cook a fancy meal
  23. Yell at a football match
  24. Go horseback riding
  25. Master British spelling and punctuation
  26. Create a good sleep schedule
  27. See my favorite group in concert
  28. Fall in love
  29. Stop holding grudges
  30. Let go of my expectations

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 4

I’m not sure I like the challenge for this week. I’m supposed to write about my body and how I honestly feel about it. I don’t like that idea.

I got really sick in 2008. I was 107 lbs. I had crippling panic attacks, passed out in public, and was losing my hair. No one could tell me what was wrong with me, and I spent most of my time sleeping.

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I know that I don’t look horrible here, but, here is a secret, I was puffing out my stomach so I didn’t look as skinny. What you don’t see is me having to sit down after walking about fifteen or sixteen steps, or having to move really slowly. I actually see this photo and I am okay with the way I look. I look fit, even if unhealthy.

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Here is a photo of me taken in Paris a couple of months ago. In this photo, heavy jacket aside, I weigh more than I ever had. My diet is still a bit iffy, but I am healthier now than I have ever been.

But, sometimes I still see myself as chubby, or blob like. I know I am not fat. I’m not a complete nutter, but I spent so much time being sickly and underweight that I am not used to seeing myself healthy and the way that I am meant to look. I’m working on not being so ridiculous, and getting back into my regular exercise routine, but I guess at the end of the day I would much rather be the person in the second picture than the first.

 

 

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 3

“Through the fence, between the curling flower spaces, I could see them hitting.”

-Faulkner

The writing challenge this week is to use the first line of my favorite novel to start my post. I could make up something up and try to be really creative with this, but when I read the line from what I think it is the greatest novel ever written, all I really wanted to do is discuss the book. So I give you my thoughts on William Faulkner’s The Sound and the Fury. It tells the story of four days in the life of a troubled Southern family from four very different points of view.

Let’s start with the title. It comes from a line in MacBeth, when he learns of his wife’s death:

“Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing.”
Act V, Scene V

And that is what we get in a sense from the telling of The Sound and the Fury. The story is divided into four parts, each one narrated by a different ‘idiot’. The first section is narrated by Benjy, a 33 year old man who has the mind of a 3 year old. He is a source of great shame to his family, and Faulkner uses stream of consciousness, there are italics to note a shift in time, and this section often reads like a book where all the pages have been put together at random. It was one that I really struggled to get through the first time I read it (thanks Sparknotes for the help!), but it is the one section with the most reliable narrator. Benjy merely tells things the way he sees them, and can do nothing to cover up, distort, or rationalize the choices of his brothers, his family, and the people around him.

The next idiot who shares his woes is Quentin. He is the smartest of the boys, but the one with the most tortured life. He has idiotic ideas of the way the world works thanks to his drink obsessed father, and because of that and an unhealthy obsession with his sister and her purity, eventually kills himself. The last part of his section is hard to read, but also fascinating, as Faulkner has managed to really capture what it might be like inside the head of someone slowly losing their mind. I think that he is the character that suffers the most, makes an interesting case for the nature vs. nurturer argument. He has such a warped view on life, and the roles of family that he is an unreliable narrator, with his descent into madness a strong support for that.

The last of the idiots, and in my opinion, the biggest one, is Jason. He is obsessed with money. He is sexually frustrated. He is a cold monster. He steals money from his sister, he abuses his servants, and he is just an asshole (pardon my French). His section is one that I sometimes skim just because I don’t like him. He is the most unreliable of the narrators because he is so cynical and single minded. This is the easiest part to read in terms of the way it is written, but it does not make Jason any more trustworthy.

The final section is told in the third person and focuses on the servant that runs the household, and her abuse, sadness, and unquestioning loyalty to the family. She takes Benjy to church with her family believing that he is the only one that can truly be saved. We see Benjy breakdown when his routine is altered, giving way to his sound and fury, and his brother Jason being the only one to calm him down. The last lines of the book are perhaps some of the most chilling ever written, and I still get goosebumps when I read them.

“The broken flower drooped over Ben’s fist and his eyes were empty and blue and serene again as cornice and facade flowed smoothly once more from left to right, post and tree, window and doorway and signboard each in its ordered place.”

Much of my undergrad was focused on the reliability of the narrators in Mark Twain novels, and while I sit in the library today shrugging off some important paper edits, I can’t help but get a little twinge for the good old days when I spent hours and hours reading great books and really digging into literature. Those four years in Merced taught me a lot, and I always thought I’d get a PhD in literature and then grow old teaching university students how to love, and really understand literature. I can’t help but wonder what my life would have been like if that was the path I had gone down, and whether or not I would be in Scotland right now if I had. I know a few of the struggles would be different, but Ii wonder if all roads would have eventually led here. Then I think about how much I’ve done, and how much I am really starting to like myself, and I realize that I might not feel the same way if my path had been different.

So there you go. My ramblings on a book that is a lot like me, a little bit complicated, very hard to read, but very very very worth it in the end.

The Scamp Crosses One off the List

I have now crossed number 11 off my list! Yesterday I emailed a draft of my methodology chapter to my supervisors. I think it is pretty solid for a first draft, and I know that there are a lot of drafts to come before it is done, but I am pretty happy with how it came out. It also means that I have some words on the page in time for the halfway point of my programme. I’m going to celebrate this moment with a cookie.

  1. Learn how to drive in the UK.
  2. Present at an academic conference
  3. Start a new tradition
  4. Go back to therapy
  5. Visit three new countries (Paris, Malta, Hungary)
  6. Ride in a hot air balloon
  7. Quit the tutoring centre
  8. Volunteer for a literacy programme
  9. Read a book that has more than 500 pages
  10. Make my bed everyday for at least three months
  11. Have a solid draft of my thesis completed
  12. Master scorpion pose
  13. Attend the symphony
  14. Learn a rap song from start to finish
  15. Host a dinner party
  16. Create a  budget so I can pay down my student loans
  17. Create something original
  18. Create a solid workout regime
  19.  Go on a long hike (6 miles or more)
  20. Learn to dance
  21. Eat an exotic meal
  22. Learn to cook a fancy meal
  23. Yell at a football match
  24. Go horseback riding
  25. Master British spelling and punctuation
  26. Create a good sleep schedule
  27. See my favorite group in concert
  28. Fall in love
  29. Stop holding grudges
  30. Let go of my expectations

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 2

I have debated keeping this one private because the challenge this week is to write about 5 weird things that I like. Since I am weird, it is not difficult to think of weird things that I like.

  1. When I am running errands with my mom (or really in the car with anyone) and she is about to open the door to get in the car, I like to lock it so she can’t get in. I love the satisfaction of getting the lock done before she can open the door. I’m not sure why it makes me laugh so much, but it does. I laugh just as much when someone locks me out.
  2. Dogs in sweaters. I love cute dogs in tiny sweaters.

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Even better when they are wearing shoes too.

3. Rubber ducks. I collect rubber ducks from the places that I have visited. I’m currently at 35 ducks ranging from the Loch Ness Monster, a Beefeater, a cowboy from Tennessee, and model of Rosie the Riveter from Texas. They make me laugh. They are on my bookshelf and anyone who comes to visit can see them….or feel free to get me one.

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Here are just a few of them.

4. Crazy yoga pants.  The brighter and stranger the better. Day glow, space, kitties, crazy patterns, I love them. I wish I could wear them in public, or that there was a yoga studio close enough to me that made it okay for me to join so I could wear them where people would see me.

5. Pirate Rubber Chicken. He started out as a joke in the family, and sat on top of my TV for a long time, but now he is a travelling companion, funny ice breaker and semi Facebook famous. I love taking photos of him when I travel and sending him to my friends as a way of keeping in contact. He hasn’t been a house guest in awhile, but if anyone is interested, I’m sure he would be happy to make the trip. If you want to be a part of his journey, you can find him here: https://www.facebook.com/piraterubberchicken4

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There are a lot of other weird things that I like, but no need to show all my crazy in one day. We are only in week two of the year, and since it seems to be going alright for me, I’d like to keep it that way….at least until I figure out how to watch Toddlers and Tiaras in Scotland, then all bets on my crazy are off.