Author: erranteditor

The Scamp Crosses One Off the List

Posted on by erranteditor

It is the first day of May. I’m not sure where the last few months have gone, but my calendar tells me that it is already May.

On the upside, I have been collecting interviews all week and I was able to knock two more things off my list of 30 things to do before I am 30.  After a few tears and a wait list, and some phone calls, I have finally found a therapist. That was some much needed good news, and while the financial investment is stressing me out a little, I am so relived that I can finally get the much needed help that I needed.

The second activity I got to cross off the list was going to the symphony. The Royal Scottish National Orchestra presented Stravinsky’s Symphony in C. Led by guest conductor Thomas Søndergård, the orchestra delighted my ears for almost three hours. Thanks to my status as a student, I was able to get really great seats for a super discounted price.

20160429_192458

(Don’t worry, this was before the show started)

I learned a few things at the symphony.

  1. People do not know how to dress for a night out. Errol and I got dressed up real fancy, and most people in the concert hall were in jeans.

20160429_215838

2. I have no idea when you are supposed to clap. The orchestra was amazing. I wanted to clap after each movement, but no one clapped until the end of the entire piece. Then, each time the conductor left the stage and came back, people behind the scenes clapped to make sure that the audience did.

3. Conductors, good ones, get really into their craft. Thomas Sondergard is a really good          conductor. He was super entertaining to watch.

4. Your mind wanders when listening to music. I found myself daydreaming a lot. I loved the music, but it lulled me into a sleepy state and I started to think about all kinds of random things.

5. I would go to the symphony again. It was a great way to spend a few hours listening to music and not thinking about work, people, stress, anything. It was fun to get dressed up and be an adult, and it was really fun to watch people who clearly love music.

Here was the running order for the evening:

Schubert Symphony No3
Stravinsky Symphony in C
Schubert Symphony No4 Tragic
Stravinsky Symphony in Three Movements

 

Igor Fyodorovich Stravinsky was truly a gifted composer. According to his Wikipedia page:

Stravinsky’s compositional career was notable for its stylistic diversity. He first achieved international fame with three ballets commissioned by theimpresario Sergei Diaghilev and first performed in Paris by Diaghilev’s Ballets Russes: The Firebird (1910), Petrushka (1911) and The Rite of Spring (1913). The last of these transformed the way in which subsequent composers thought about rhythmic structure and was largely responsible for Stravinsky’s enduring reputation as a musical revolutionary who pushed the boundaries of musical design. His “Russian phase” which continued with works such asRenard, The Soldier’s Tale and Les Noces, was followed in the 1920s by a period in which he turned to neoclassical music. The works from this period tended to make use of traditional musical forms (concerto grosso, fugue and symphony), drawing on earlier styles, especially from the 18th century. In the 1950s, Stravinsky adopted serial procedures. His compositions of this period shared traits with examples of his earlier output: rhythmic energy, the construction of extended melodic ideas out of a few two- or three-note cells and clarity of form, and of instrumentation.

The symphony was definitely one of the more fun activities to cross off the list. I am 20 days away from completing number 10, and I am thinking to combine part of 5 with 6 and go to Turkey to ride in a hot air balloon. I’ve also been fantasy planning a million different trips, but hope to get at least one in the books for June or July….even if it just a quick weekend away.

  1. Learn how to drive in the UK.
  2. Present at an academic conference
  3. Start a new tradition
  4. Go back to therapy
  5. Visit three new countries
  6. Ride in a hot air balloon
  7. Quit the tutoring centre
  8. Volunteer for a literacy programme
  9. Read a book that has more than 500 pages
  10. Make my bed everyday for at least three months
  11. Have a solid draft of my thesis completed
  12. Master scorpion pose
  13. Attend the symphony
  14. Learn a rap song from start to finish
  15. Host a dinner party
  16. Create a  budget so I can pay down my student loans
  17. Create something original
  18. Create a solid workout regime
  19.  Go on a long hike (6 miles or more)
  20. Learn to dance
  21. Eat an exotic meal
  22. Learn to cook a fancy meal
  23. Yell at a football match
  24. Go horseback riding
  25. Master British spelling and punctuation
  26. Create a good sleep schedule
  27. See my favorite group in concert
  28. Fall in love
  29. Stop holding grudges
  30. Let go of my expectations

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 16

Posted on by erranteditor

I’m sitting in a window box.

I’m sitting in a window box of my friend’s house feeling sorry for myself.

My depression has gotten really bad. Really bad. It happens, and when it does, all I want is to be loved on. Instead, I got sent home from work because I was really pale and it is clear I have not been taking care of myself, and I’m pretty sure my relationship just ended.

So the challenge for the week is to write about the best part of my week.

I’m coming up short on this one. I undertook this challenge to follow up with the gratitude challenge that I did last year to help me remind myself that even though things were going wrong in the grad program, there was a lot around me in my life that was going well.

So, on this Friday as I sit in the window box wallowing in my depression, I guess the best part of my week was last night.

I met a cat named Loki last night. He was really friendly. I’m not sure how he got into the building, but he met me when I walked in. I’m a sucker, and I was sad, so I sat down to pet him. He rubbed on me and purred, and when it was clear no one was looking for him in the building, I let him follow me up the three flights of stairs and into my place. He spent about 10 minutes wandering around my place checking things out and occasionally coming back to me to rub and purr. I would have let him stay the night, but he had collar with an address, so I took him back downstairs and let him out back into the world.

I guess in the grand scheme of things my life is not that bad. I am living in Scotland, which is pretty fucking awesome. I have a job, my PhD is progressing nicely, and even though the depression is getting the better of me right now, my health is okay.

I just wish I could rewind to the beginning of March when I was in California soaking up the sun, hanging out with my muffin, and not surrounded by my never ending cycle of negative thoughts.

Now I would love to fast forward two year to when I am getting my degree and can figure out my next move.

Beach bum. That is still a viable career option right?

The Scamp Expierences Beatlemania

Posted on by erranteditor

I love musicals.

I’ve been lucky enough to see quite a few, and even got to be an extra in Priscilla, Queen of the Desert a couple of years ago when I saw it with my mom and sister in Hollywood. Last night I was lucky enough to be invited to the Edinburgh Playhouse to see Let It Be, an amazing tribute to the Fab Four.

The show encourages singing along, standing up to dance, and lots of audience participation. I am a fan of the Beatles, a fan of the my friend who invited me to be her plus one, and a fan of musicals. We were lucky enough to have some great seats, and thanks to an atmosphere of Fab Four fans, I got to enjoy my Monday night letting it be.

It was very fun to watch people that have been fans since the very first performance, and fans that came way later to the game and the culture that the music represents. The women sitting next to me knew all the words, screamed very loud, and probably would have slept with the impersonators given the chance. All in all, it was a great evening. The Edinburgh Playhouse was built in 1929 and holds over 3,000 people. It is the UK’s largest non sporting event theater.

This is the second musical that I have had the pleasure of seeing this month. At the start of April I had saw I am Thomas

It was a very strange show, but strange in a good way. Dec and I were definitely among the youngest in the audience, and he was probably the only person who understood not only the history, but all of the football references that were used to tell the story of the last man publicly executed in Scotland for blasphemous speech. It was a good birthday present, and another chance to see a beautiful theater in the city.

The Royal Lyceum Theater was opened in 1883 and holds almost 700 people. I wouldn’t mind seeing another show there soon.

Next week I will be off to the symphony at the great Usher Hall. It gives me a chance to cross another activity off my list of things to do before I am 30, and spend an evening pretending that I am cultured.

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 15

Posted on by erranteditor

Week 15 is dedicated to my favourite topic: Things that make me laugh. I think everyone who knows me well knows that it is fairly easy to make me laugh. Well timed jokes, locking the car door as someone tries to open it, cat videos….all of these things make me laugh.

And if ever someone needed a laugh right now, it is me.

This week the one thing that has really been making me laugh is inappropriate workplace conversations. The department that I am based out of just recently hired a new research assistant, and while trying to get to know him, we were all talking about ourselves and a little bit of our background. In the course of that conversation, it came up that when I got hired on, the rest of the team who is close to my age Googled me to see what they could learn about me.

Fun fact: if you Google me, the first thing that comes up is a porn illustrator.

Yep. You read that correctly: A PORN ILLUSTRATOR!  The office wondered if my supervisor had lost his marbles, and at one point I got an email from the admin assistant asking me if I liked to draw. I of course had no idea why she would ask me such a thing, and it wasn’t until I had been in the post for several months that they filled me about what happens when you Google my name. I decided to share that story with the new guy….he wasn’t impressed. Everyone in the office had a good chuckle though. I like to think that it lightened the mood.

Professionally, things have been picking up with my data collection. I was really afraid that sending out an online survey would not net me any responses, but I have been pleasantly surprised  about the response rate in the last three days. I may have just figured out this whole PhD student thing.

The Scamp Collects Some Data

Posted on by erranteditor

I finally get to write about something related to my research! It has been a bit of a struggle, but I have managed to get some surveys out and today I spent the day inputting the results into SPSS.

The last time I used SPSS was for the grad program at CSUF. I worked with three other people to write notes and put together a complicated semester worth of data sets and questions. We made step by step notes on how to do everything from simple regressions to comparative factor analysis. At the time, I couldn’t tell you what I was doing. When writing up the results, I copied the wording from my handy dandy manual and just plugged in my numbers. I’m a stubborn qualitative researcher; I just don’t care about the numbers. My supervisor is a scientist, so he is quite insistent that I have some quantitative data to back up all the hippy dippy feelings (he hasn’t quite said those words, but I know that this is something that he would say).

After a quick trip to YouTube to refresh my memory on how to properly set all of my variables, I was able set up all of my questions and create a set that can now be analysed for all sorts of fun connections. I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel having to use SPSS again, but all in all, I am happy that I remembered as much as I did. I will probably have to consult the internet for the proper language to use when describing the trends, and will probably have to look up the proper way to create the charts and graphs that I will need, but it seems a lot less scary than I thought it would be.

12991960_10104427747071410_1768755922_o

and just for fun, here is proof that I actually worked on my surveys today.

I’m excited because this means that my research is finally underway, and I am making progress with my PhD. I have a couple of months left until I advance to full on PhD status, but with this underway, I know that that meeting will be a cinch.

Update on my 30 things to do before 30: I bought tickets to the symphony, and made my way up a little higher on the list for a therapist. I can’t wait to be able to cross some more things off my list.

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 14

Posted on by erranteditor

Today I taught myself how to sew. Turns out, it really isn’t that hard.

Well, threading the needle was a bit of a challenge, but once I got my hands working properly, and all the knots in place, it was not the scary undertaking I thought it would be. half an hour and three buttons later, my jacket is wearable again.

I am counting today as a success.

The challenge for the week is to discuss something in my life that is stressful. It might as well have been a challenge for me to write about something that is not stressing me out. I’m so good with stress, that most of the time I don’t even realize that I am stressed. To be honest, the one thing that is stressing me out the most right now is my mental health. I’m not managing it well right now, and because of that, I am worried about everything from my relationship, my friendships, and my work. While I’ve been working with my depression for awhile, lately I have been having a hard time making the good stretches last.

This stresses me out because I know that I have a problem, but I can’t seem to come out on top of it. People are always telling me that happiness is a choice, and that I can wake up everyday and choose to be happy. Unfortunately for me, it just doesn’t work that way. I know that I have a good life, I know that ‘on paper’ I have no reason to be depressed, but I am all the same. What stresses me out is the never-ending cycle. I know what I need to do to be healthy, I know what I should avoid doing and saying, but lately, I can’t seem to help myself. I feel like I am writing about the dark and twisty every week, and feel like when I get a handle on it, I then fall back into my negative thoughts.

If I could put half the energy into my work that I do to the dark and twisty, I would have an amazing paper right now.

On the plus side, I have started my adventure to cross another thing off my list of 30 things to do before I turn 30. I have found a series of yoga classes that will help me with scorpion pose. I really wish that I had picked an easier pose. My neck and back hate me right now. I’m glad that I have a whole lot of time between now and my 30th birthday.

The Scamp Crosses One Off the List

Posted on by erranteditor

For my 29th birthday I made a list of 30 things I want to do before I turn 30. It includes everything from learning to drive here to cooking an exotic meal.

This week I got to cross one off the list. Number two on the list: Present at an academic conference has now been completed. I will be able to cross this one off the list for a second time in June (and fingers crossed a third time in December). I got to peddle my wares at the first annual School of Life, Sport, and Social Science Postgraduate Research Conference. I am the only educational pedagogic theorist in the school, and I like to toot my own horn over that. The conference was a chance to get my feet wet, and a chance to master the Pecha Kutcha style of presenting.

After a few weeks of stressing I was able to present my 20 slides with just 20 seconds a slide. I’m properly chuffed with myself about that. I was really stressing over the format, but by the time I stepped on the stage, I forgot about being nervous and just talked to the crowd for 6 minutes and 40 seconds. I was even asked some really great questions, and the programme leader for a programme I am working with emailed me to tell me that he enjoyed my talk. One of my supervisors was able to make it, and my desk mate and friend came to support me as well. I forgot to have him record it or take pictures, but all in all, I think the day was a success.

Not bad for knocking the first one off the list. I am in the process of doing a few more of these, so it is only a matter of time before I can cross some more off the list.

  1. Learn how to drive in the UK.
  2. Present at an academic conference
  3. Start a new tradition
  4. Go back to therapy
  5. Visit three new countries
  6. Ride in a hot air balloon
  7. Quit the tutoring centre
  8. Volunteer for a literacy programme
  9. Read a book that has more than 500 pages
  10. Make my bed everyday for at least three months
  11. Have a solid draft of my thesis completed
  12. Master scorpion pose
  13. Attend the symphony
  14. Learn a rap song from start to finish
  15. Host a dinner party
  16. Create a  budget so I can pay down my student loans
  17. Create something original
  18. Create a solid workout regime
  19.  Go on a long hike (6 miles or more)
  20. Learn to dance
  21. Eat an exotic meal
  22. Learn to cook a fancy meal
  23. Yell at a football match
  24. Go horseback riding
  25. Master British spelling and punctuation
  26. Create a good sleep schedule
  27. See my favorite group in concert
  28. Fall in love
  29. Stop holding grudges
  30. Let go of my expectations

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 13

Posted on by erranteditor

“We realize the importance of our voices only when we are silenced.”
― Malala Yousafzai, I Am Malala: The Girl Who Stood Up for Education and Was Shot by the Taliban

Week 13 of the year is dedicated to someone I admire. While there are many people that I admire, I’m choosing to focus this moment on Malala Yousafzai. While procrastinating on my conference presentation, I came across the documentary He Named Me Malala. In 2009, at 12 years old, she wrote a blog for the BBC detailing her life under Taliban rule. When the world took notice of yet another injustice that of this region, Malala rose in fame by giving interviews and becoming the face and the voice for women in the region would wanted education. In 2012 she was shot three times while on the bus to school. Even while in the hospital recovering, she continued to speak out for women, and continued to speak out for the importance of education. In 2014 she was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, and continues to build, and sometimes rebuild, schools for women, refugees, and those in a war-torn region.

“I don’t want to be thought of as the “girl who was shot by the Taliban” but the “girl who fought for education.” This is the cause to which I want to devote my life.”
― Malala Yousafzai

I admire her courage and dedication. At 18 years old she has done more for the world than most people hope to do in a lifetime. She has faced death, doubters, and incredible adversary to continue to push for a cause that she believes in.

I only wish I could be half as courageous and make a fraction of a difference in the filed of education. When I had my chance to stand up for what I believed in two years ago, I caved, and let it break me. I had the chance to pursue the matter, and to let the university know what was going on in the programme, but instead, I chose to just bury it and get out of the United States as fast as I could. I’m still terrified that somehow that programme will catch up with me and it will hurt the work that I am doing in the UK (stupid I know, but I sometimes worry that the sins of my past will catch up to me).

And now that I have watched a young woman who did not let being shot in the face stop her from defending what she believes in, then I should not let a momentary blip in my educational journey stop me from pursing avenues that I think will improve the learning potential for students in higher education. The two things can hardly be compared, and I admire the way she treated it as nothing more than a reason to continue trying to make the world a better place for women.

 

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 12

Posted on by erranteditor

The single most depressing thing to my new found sense of Britishness is a bad cup of tea. I have become quite the connoisseur of tea in the last 8 months, and while I was in California I picked up a box of hibiscus passion tea that sounded amazing.

It isn’t.

It will taste great as iced tea, but as a hot drink, it leaves a strange aftertaste and smells a bit odd…of course, I have been sick for two weeks, and am currently producing more snot than should be humanly possible, so that could very well be the problem.

On to more important things. I’m supposed to be working on a script for a presentation I am giving on April 6th. I’m doing a pecha-kucha (my supervisor called it a Manchu Pichu, and someone else said bless you after I mentioned it). That means I have 20 slides and 20 seconds a slide to get my point across. I got the presentation done, but trying to say more than ten words in 20 seconds is proving to be a challenge.

I am not known for my brevity.

This quandary I find myself in speaks perfectly to the writing challenge for this week. The goal for this week is to think of one word that describes my life right now and one word that I wish described my life.

Let’s start with my current word: Stressful

Much the way trying to say everything I need to in 20 seconds is driving me bonkers, the state of my life right now has me feeling like one big ball of stress and snippyness. In addition to trying to get this presentation done, I am having to beat feet to collect the rest of my data for this year, and write the first draft of a paper I am trying to get published all before the end of April. Part of this was my fault for not getting the data collection done before I left for California, and for not working on my paper while I was there, but part of it is just the nature of being an academic. Couple that with the project being done at the university, and my work at the tutoring center, I am feeling a bit like my life is just a blur of diary appointments right now. I’ve been back for almost two weeks and I cannot even tell you what I had for dinner last night (wait, the dishes are still in the sink….I had pasta with garlic and herbs. Guess I need to add clean my flat to the list of things that needs to get done).

The word that I wished described my life right now? Adventurous

Don’t get me wrong, there is a certain amount of adventure that comes with being an expat and living in Scotland. There is a certain amount of adventure to my life no matter where I am living, but right now, the only thing that I want to be doing is traveling. I have been spending an awful lot of time planning trips to different places. I made the list of 30 things I want to do before I am 30, and visiting three new countries is on the list. I’ve been looking into a trip to Paris in November, and a trip to Malta in September. That trip to Malta is giving me so many problems. I am having a really hard time coming up with reasons why I shouldn’t book it right now. I don’t want to feel stressed. I want to wear cute sundresses and sandals. I want to wear a bikini and get a tan. I want to see sunshine.

I don’t want to feel antsy and uncertain. I don’t want to take hours to get something written because I am so afraid that it is going to suck or that people are going to hate it, or I am going to let my supervisors down because my writing isn’t strong enough.

But first, I am going to take a nap. Naps solve everything, even a bad cup of tea.

The Scamp’s 30 Before 30

Posted on by erranteditor

I have been 29 for two weeks now, and am just now getting around to posting my list of 30 things I would like to do before I turn 30. Part of it is because I am sick right now and leaking so much snot that it is hard for me to focus on anything, and part of it is that I am trying to play catch-up with work after my three week break in California. I made a massive error and waited too long to schedule some of my data collection. My supervisors have told me that I have to be pushy and get what I can, and they have added a due date for the draft of the first chapter of my thesis. I am trying really hard not to stress, but I have a feeling that I am about to be a basket case.

I wish I had not given up eating chocolate.

The list is a good mini distraction from all of the work that needs to be done this week.

So, in no particular order, here are the 30 things I would like to do before I turn 30:

  1. Learn how to drive in the UK.
  2. Present at an academic conference
  3. Start a new tradition
  4. Go back to therapy
  5. Visit three new countries
  6. Ride in a hot air balloon
  7. Quit the tutoring centre
  8. Volunteer for a literacy programme
  9. Read a book that has more than 500 pages
  10. Make my bed everyday for at least three months
  11. Have a solid draft of my thesis completed
  12. Master scorpion pose
  13. Attend the symphony
  14. Learn a rap song from start to finish
  15. Host a dinner party
  16. Create a  budget so I can pay down my student loans
  17. Create something original
  18. Create a solid workout regime
  19.  Go on a long hike (6 miles or more)
  20. Learn to dance
  21. Eat an exotic meal
  22. Learn to cook a fancy meal
  23. Yell at a football match
  24. Go horseback riding
  25. Master British spelling and punctuation
  26. Create a good sleep schedule
  27. See my favorite group in concert
  28. Fall in love
  29. Stop holding grudges
  30. Let go of my expectations

I have 349 days to make this happen. I’m excited because on the 6th of April and the 30th of June I will be able to cross number 2 off the list, and I am two weeks into number ten. I’m not holding out much hope for number 20, but hey, stranger things have happened.