Author: erranteditor

The Scamp’s Last Day of Her 26th Year

Posted on by erranteditor

I did a post last year to mark the end of my 25th year. It was a lot of fun to write, and I was in a good place when I wrote it.

This year is a little bit different. I am feeling extremely stressed under the weight of three jobs, I have been staring at a paper for three hours and have barely managed to write two pages, and the only thing that I want to do tomorrow is sleep all day so I no longer feel bone dead tired.

Last year I felt good about where I was. I was in Scotland navigating the city, enjoying the adventure that came with living overseas, and built a very solid amazing group of friends. I was planning a day full of Mexican food with one of my favorite people, Skype chats with my friends and family at home, and a night full of karaoke at my favorite pub. A relationship I thought would last the next 70 years failed, but I was in therapy and focused on making myself a better person.

I was excited for 26, and excited for what that meant for me as one year older, and one year much much wiser.

This year I am looking forward to the end of my 26th year for a very different reason.

I’m not sure if 26 was a good year for me. There were a lot of good moments, I traveled around Scotland, wrote the best piece of writing in of my academic career, and graduated, started a doctoral degree and managed to get a teaching job, but for all of the good things that I accomplished, I made some missteps and had some hiccups. I left Scotland feeling really good about myself. I learned how to reach out for help when I needed it, reconnected with old friends and strengthened my bond with new friends, and I had a plan. I had a plan for how I was going to readjust to life in the US. I was going to take my great new attitude and be Kim 2.0, a newer, stronger, better version of the girl who packed all her stuff into four suitcases and spent almost a year living in my own created version of paradise.

I came home and threw all of that out the window. I buried myself in my dissertation and did not reach out to the people here who extended a branch of friendship, I had a hard time finding a job, and I quickly dwindled my savings. I let myself fall back into old Kim habits of negativity and insecurity, and I spent way way too much time in the negative. I have let my dedication to school slide, have not tried to find the good in each of my three jobs, and often let old insecurities cloud my new relationship. I still don’t have insurance, and while I have access to therapists through the school, so far, none of them seem like a good fit.

Basically, I didn’t hold up my end of the bargain I made with myself before I left the land of kilts and haggis.

27 is my chance to start over. Tomorrow I get a clean slate. Tomorrow, I get to start over one year older, and maybe not obviously wiser, but having learned a lot about what it means to make mistakes, admit you don’t know everything, and start working on going back to being the Kim 2.0 that I started to become in Scotland.

The best part of tomorrow is that I get to spend it with my family, and it is not over Skype. I still have a mountain of work to do and two jobs to go to, but at the end of all of that, I get to have dinner with my family, and have a few drinks with some of my friends. Even my students, who more often than not drive me crazy, made me a card, brought me balloons and chocolate, and did their best to respect me today.

My mom just brought me a bowl of ice cream and cookies in my favorite bunny bowl.

This may not have been how I pictured I would spend my last day as 26, but let me tell you, that ice cream went a long way to making it better. I have hours and hours before I sleep, and have 50 years of educational legislation to sort through, but I have a belly full of cookie dough ice cream, so suddenly it doesn’t seem so bad.

As promised, tomorrow will be a fun post full of pictures of the last 26 years of birthdays….I’ve seen the pictures, trust me, they  will make you laugh.

A lot.

The Scamp and a Moving Castle

Posted on by erranteditor

Howl: I feel terrible, like there’s a weight on my chest.

Young Sophie: A heart’s a heavy burden.

Truer words have never been spoken. This particular gem comes from Howl’s Moving Castle, a 2004 Japanese animated fantasy film scripted and directed by Hayao Miyazaki. The film is based on the novel of the same name by English writer Diana Wynne Jones. It is a visually stunning film, and quite a sweet love story

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The attention to detail in the animation is stunning

The attention to detail in the animation is stunning

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This is Howl's castle. It is propelled by fire and magic

This is Howl’s castle. It is propelled by fire and magic

 

I needed the sappy sweet love story, and the reminder that a heart is a heavy burden, but when you find someone who is willing to share that burden with you, then you should accept it, and do the same for them in return.

 

Because I let three jobs, a full class load, homework, and a penchant for afternoon naps, I will not reach my goal of 200 posts by my birthday. I can tell you though that I am working on a fun filled photo journey through the last 26 (almost 27) years of birthdays for the big day, and I am hoping that I will have some time for the next couple of days to get some of the thoughts out of my brain and into the world.

The Crude, Lewd, and Freshly Tattooed Scamp

Posted on by erranteditor

Yesterday, in honor of my upcoming 27th birthday, I got a new tattoo. For the last four years I have marked my birthday with a Sailor Jerry inspired tattoo. This marks my 10th tattoo, and the completion of my right leg.

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I cannot wait until she is fully healed. It took almost ten years, but I finally got a skull tattoo. This piece complements the mermaid

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and Sailor Jerry’s trademark hula girl on my right leg.

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I couldn’t be happier with the way my leg turned out. I have been going to Classic Tattoo in Fullerton for the last four years, and refuse to work with any artist other than Joe Rouhana. He is a big cuddly tattooed dude who remind me a lot of my brother. His work is amazing, his work station is incredibly clean, and I always get a big hug when I come to see him (I’ve even made it to his tattoo portfolio….which makes my leg famous).

I’m more than thrilled about the artwork that I am collecting.

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I can’t say this is going to be my last tattoo, but I can say that I am going to have to be a bit more selective since I am  starting to run out of real estate on my body for my collection…..something that my mom and dad are not upset about.

While my hobby has been quite an investment, it falls in line with my life motto:

Good-work-aint-cheap

 

The Scamp Resorts to Rude

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I don’t like being rude.

Okay, that’s not true. I love the chance to be snarky and sarcastic to people, and it is rare that I don’t have a comment for something.

The problem is, I don’t like to be rude when I am at work, or when I am doing work for someone else. Two weeks ago I accepted a position as a research assistant at the university. Before I can begin, though, I have to go through an orientation about what it means to be a graduate assistant, and how to not divulge sensitive information while I am working (seriously, I can’t make this up). The woman I am working for tracked down HR and got me all the info I needed after my first meeting with her, and then things fell apart.

I emailed HR and they only offer the orientation two days a week; Wednesday from 9-11 and Friday from 11-1. The woman who runs the orientation told me that I needed to pick one of those days and bring the standard ID for taxes and such. I work during both of those times, but the library was nice enough to give me time on Friday to go to the training.

HR lady cancelled the first Friday. I accepted that and rescheduled for this Friday.

HR lady cancelled again today and told me to just come to the Wednesday meeting.

I understand that she has a busy schedule, but her casual dismissal of the fact that I was given a choice, picked one, and then rearranged my schedule  to be there in her given time frame really made me angry.

I emailed her and rather rudely pointed out that she gave me two options and I picked the one that I could work into my schedule. I told her that if she really wanted it to be on Wednesday then it had to be after I got off work as I already took two days off to accommodate her cancelling scheduled events at the last minute. I also pointed out that she has put me two weeks behind in my work, and that is disrespectful to the professor I work for.

She emailed me back 6 hours later and told me I can keep my appointment….she didn’t sign her email.

I did not enjoy being rude to her, but I really resent the fact that my time is not considered important. It is bad enough to cancel once, but twice was just too much for me. I’m not so sure the library would have been so forgiving if I changed my schedule again.

I’m hoping that she is so fed up with dealing with me that she does a short version of the orientation and I can be ready to work by Monday.

I’m not going to hold my breath though.

The Scamp and the Journals of Sylvia Plath

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One of the best parts of working in a library is stumbling across very interesting books. I often find myself getting distracted thumbing through books on art, poetry, space, and even world history. A couple of months ago, I stumbled across a collection of Sylvia Plath’s journals. They start when she was a student at Smith College, and end just before her death in 1963.

I’ve read a lot of Plath’s work, but her journals are by far the best thing she has written. She is known for her “confessional poetry”, but her journals go so much deeper than her poetry. They are honest, innocent, and show a complete decent into the horrors of depression. The early journals are full of childish insecurities about boys and school, while the later ones deal with the struggles of her marriage and the birth of her children. The last entry in the book speaks best to not only her state of mind throughout her life, but the state of her writing.

“A bad day. A bad time. State of mind most important for work. A blithe, itchy eager state where the poem itself, the story is supreme.”

I wonder what it is says about me that I am so drawn to writers and poets that are so far off the beaten path? Not many people understand the poetry of Gertrude Stein, and I feel that many people would read these journals and see nothing but sadness and melancholy.

Every now and then, though, she shows a glimmer of happiness for the world around her.

“I love people. Everybody. I love them, I think, as a stamp collector loves his collection. Every story, every incident, every bit of conversation is raw material for me. My love is not impersonal, yet not wholly subjective either. I would like to be everyone, a cripple, a dying man, a whore, and then come back to write my thoughts, my emotions, as that person. But I am not omniscient. I have to live my life, and it is the only one I’ll ever have. And you cannot regard your own life with object curiosity all the time.”

For now though, it is a nice break from the books on organizational leadership articles about content analysis and curriculum development. I don’t mind being curled up in bed reading about seemingly unimportant days in the life of a truly fascinating woman.

A Scamp and Burlesque

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For Valentine’s Day I planned the date that I wanted to go on. The boy is not exactly known for gift giving or romance, so when he told me to plan the date, I went ahead and picked something that I would have liked him to take me to. I’m notoriously bad at planning dates, so I figured I wanted something that was already planned…less of a chance of me screwing it up. I saw Hell on Heels Burlesque Revue a couple of years ago and loved it, so I knew that not only would I not be able to screw up the plans, but that the show would be fun.

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I’m a huge fan of burlesque. I love Cuba. Put the two together, and that makes for a good night. Some of the acts were a bit scary…and some of them were fantastic. There was a dance number to the Banana Boat Song, complete with bananas on the skirt and banana pastries.

The girls are always looking for new members, so it looks like it is time for me to start practicing my moves.

 

The Scamp Takes in Some Culture

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I love musicals. I love getting dressed up and going to the theater, and experiencing a live show. This summer I got to go on stage at during Priscilla: Queen of the Dessert and dance with drag queens,  and last night I had the good fortune to attend The Wizard of Oz with one of my good friends. I have never seen a stage version of the show, so I jumped at the chance to accompany of my friend for an evening somewhere over the rainbow.

I had a great time. I enjoy hanging out with JP, and the show was fantastic. I was very impressed with the use of technology in the show. To simulate the tornado, they used a projector and screen with a computer generated images. The acting and singing was great, and the dog that played Toto stole the show. I have no idea how they trained him to be so well behaved, but he definitely got the loudest applause at the end of the night.

 

All in all, it was a great way to  start the weekend. I am fortunate to have the day off today, and the day off on Monday, so I have plenty of time to relax and get some homework done….unfortunately, there is always homework to be done.

The Scamp Runs Out of Words

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I usually make a “to do” and a “not to do” list. The first list is homework assignments, phone calls, errands to run. The second list is things like “don’t nap in the middle of the day” and “don’t waste time on the Chive”.

Today I did everything from one list, and nothing from the other. I’m tired, my couch is the most comfortable spot in the house, and I made the mistake of trading my jeans for my comfy pjs.

I woke up from the nap because I got cold, not because I was ready for it to be over. Even now, I don’t have any witty things to say, don’t have enough energy to work on my book report, and don’t even have the energy to surf the internet. I can’t  afford to take the day off of school work, so I am going to try and muster some words and get at least a little bit of work done.

I will be happy when this week is over. I am not getting out of bed before 10 on Saturday….I don’t care what the boy says.

The Scamp and Comment Cards

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This semester is shaping up to be very different than the previous semester. There are still plenty of pages to be read, group projects to be done, and critical issues to explore, but in addition to all of that, we now have to rate our fellow cohort members on how well they did a book report.

Yes, a book report.

It is bad enough that I chose a book that is 800 pages, but having to listen to 20 other reports on books about organizational leadership is torture. The two reports we heard tonight were good, even if the books were not that interesting. My problem is that after class, the professor asked us to write two comments on a note card to give to each of the presenters. One side was a comment of something that the presenter did well, and the other side was one thing that the presenter could improve on.

Everyone who knows me well knows that I have no problem sharing my opinion, but in the case of these presentations, I feel it is unfair for me to judge. The books that we are reading cover a lot of material, and it is hard to fully explore all of the topics in 15 minutes, and with the ever changing guidelines from the teacher, it is really hard to set up an effective presentation. I had plenty of good things to say to both of the presenters, but found it very difficult to find something constructive to write for improvement.

Do I mention the lack of in-depth analysis for each category of effective leadership? The presentation was only 15 minutes, and one of the categories alone could have taken 15 minutes to explain.

Do I mention the lack of visual aid? The professor told us that we should not rely on PowerPoints and fancy visuals to get out point across.

Do I mention the 19 page outline when the instructions say 3-5 pages? The outline is really good, and it allows me to skip reading the book, but still be able to reference it in a paper or essay I will eventually have to write. He took the time to give us all the info he thought we would need. The other outline was only 3 pages, and still very good, but I would have to read the book to really be able to use it as a reference.

In the end, I went with some generic comments about slowing down when speaking and having some sort of visual aid for those of us who learn better with pictures. It feels like a copout though, and I am not sure I will enjoy the 20 other critiques that I have to do.

I also dread the ones that I am about to receive. I know “tone down the sarcasm” will be written on at least one card.