writing | The Scamp Abroad

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 12

Posted on March 27, 2016 by erranteditor

The single most depressing thing to my new found sense of Britishness is a bad cup of tea. I have become quite the connoisseur of tea in the last 8 months, and while I was in California I picked up a box of hibiscus passion tea that sounded amazing.

It isn’t.

It will taste great as iced tea, but as a hot drink, it leaves a strange aftertaste and smells a bit odd…of course, I have been sick for two weeks, and am currently producing more snot than should be humanly possible, so that could very well be the problem.

On to more important things. I’m supposed to be working on a script for a presentation I am giving on April 6th. I’m doing a pecha-kucha (my supervisor called it a Manchu Pichu, and someone else said bless you after I mentioned it). That means I have 20 slides and 20 seconds a slide to get my point across. I got the presentation done, but trying to say more than ten words in 20 seconds is proving to be a challenge.

I am not known for my brevity.

This quandary I find myself in speaks perfectly to the writing challenge for this week. The goal for this week is to think of one word that describes my life right now and one word that I wish described my life.

Let’s start with my current word: Stressful

Much the way trying to say everything I need to in 20 seconds is driving me bonkers, the state of my life right now has me feeling like one big ball of stress and snippyness. In addition to trying to get this presentation done, I am having to beat feet to collect the rest of my data for this year, and write the first draft of a paper I am trying to get published all before the end of April. Part of this was my fault for not getting the data collection done before I left for California, and for not working on my paper while I was there, but part of it is just the nature of being an academic. Couple that with the project being done at the university, and my work at the tutoring center, I am feeling a bit like my life is just a blur of diary appointments right now. I’ve been back for almost two weeks and I cannot even tell you what I had for dinner last night (wait, the dishes are still in the sink….I had pasta with garlic and herbs. Guess I need to add clean my flat to the list of things that needs to get done).

The word that I wished described my life right now? Adventurous

Don’t get me wrong, there is a certain amount of adventure that comes with being an expat and living in Scotland. There is a certain amount of adventure to my life no matter where I am living, but right now, the only thing that I want to be doing is traveling. I have been spending an awful lot of time planning trips to different places. I made the list of 30 things I want to do before I am 30, and visiting three new countries is on the list. I’ve been looking into a trip to Paris in November, and a trip to Malta in September. That trip to Malta is giving me so many problems. I am having a really hard time coming up with reasons why I shouldn’t book it right now. I don’t want to feel stressed. I want to wear cute sundresses and sandals. I want to wear a bikini and get a tan. I want to see sunshine.

I don’t want to feel antsy and uncertain. I don’t want to take hours to get something written because I am so afraid that it is going to suck or that people are going to hate it, or I am going to let my supervisors down because my writing isn’t strong enough.

But first, I am going to take a nap. Naps solve everything, even a bad cup of tea.

The Scamp’s 30 Before 30

Posted on March 22, 2016 by erranteditor

I have been 29 for two weeks now, and am just now getting around to posting my list of 30 things I would like to do before I turn 30. Part of it is because I am sick right now and leaking so much snot that it is hard for me to focus on anything, and part of it is that I am trying to play catch-up with work after my three week break in California. I made a massive error and waited too long to schedule some of my data collection. My supervisors have told me that I have to be pushy and get what I can, and they have added a due date for the draft of the first chapter of my thesis. I am trying really hard not to stress, but I have a feeling that I am about to be a basket case.

I wish I had not given up eating chocolate.

The list is a good mini distraction from all of the work that needs to be done this week.

So, in no particular order, here are the 30 things I would like to do before I turn 30:

Learn how to drive in the UK.
Present at an academic conference
Start a new tradition
Go back to therapy
Visit three new countries
Ride in a hot air balloon
Quit the tutoring centre
Volunteer for a literacy programme
Read a book that has more than 500 pages
Make my bed everyday for at least three months
Have a solid draft of my thesis completed
Master scorpion pose
Attend the symphony
Learn a rap song from start to finish
Host a dinner party
Create a budget so I can pay down my student loans
Create something original
Create a solid workout regime
Go on a long hike (6 miles or more)
Learn to dance
Eat an exotic meal
Learn to cook a fancy meal
Yell at a football match
Go horseback riding
Master British spelling and punctuation
Create a good sleep schedule
See my favorite group in concert
Fall in love
Stop holding grudges
Let go of my expectations

I have 349 days to make this happen. I’m excited because on the 6th of April and the 30th of June I will be able to cross number 2 off the list, and I am two weeks into number ten. I’m not holding out much hope for number 20, but hey, stranger things have happened.

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 10 and 11

Posted on March 17, 2016 by erranteditor

I’m home. I’m very happy about it. I loved every second of my time in the States, but I feel like the best version of me when I am in Edinburgh, so it feels really really really good to be home. I can’t believe it will be 365 days before I see most of my family again, but I cannot wait to celebrate my 30th birthday, and my nephew’s 1st birthday. That will be worth all the little things I miss being so far away from him. I’ve managed to miss a week of the writing challenge since I spent the end of my trip in Texas, where writing was not my top priority.

Week 10 is dedicated to my favourite quote. That is an easy one.

“Travel changes you. As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life – and travel – leaves marks on you. Most of the time, those marks – on your body or on your heart – are beautiful. Often, though, they hurt.”
― Anthony Bourdain, The Nasty Bits: Collected Varietal Cuts, Usable Trim, Scraps, and Bones

I live my life punctuated by the trips that I get to take. It took me ten years to be comfortable with my wanderlust ways, and once I did, life became infinitely better for me. I take in all of the things I learn when I am traveling (or when I’ve moved to a new place) and let it become a part of me. Some of those things hurt, and they hurt a lot, but more often than not, what I take away from my wanderlust ways is beautiful. Even though I have just come back from the States, I am already itching to plan my next trip….I’m thinking Norway, or Paris, or Malta…or all of the above. Someone is going to have to monitor my credit card.

Week 11 is dedicated to something that I think is holding me back.

This one is a little bit harder to nail down. I think my fear of what others think holds me back a lot. I still have some unresolved PTSD and crazy abandonment issues, and until I really sort through those, I think I am very hesitant to make certain choices in my life. My writing is stalled, conferences and travel options aren’t always taken, and I spend a lot of time trying to please others. With the PhD, and a lot of exciting opportunities coming my way, the fear that holds me back could really hurt my timeline. I need to really learn to stop thinking about what others think and start making choices that are best for me. I did it once when I packed up and moved back to Scotland, but I’m not sure I can keep that trend going.

Although I have been 29 for 10 days, I have yet to make my list of 30 things I would like to do before I am 30. I’m stilling working on that, but I promise it will be done soon so I can start ticking things off of it. I think the first one might be to go back to therapy and work on some of my obvious issues.

The Scamp and a Mockingbird

Posted on February 19, 2016 by erranteditor

“Mockingbirds don’t do one thing but make music for us to enjoy. They don’t eat up people’s gardens, don’t nest in corncribs, they don’t do one thing but sing their hearts out for us. That’s why it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird.”

Today the world lost a literary great. One of the great American novelists, Harper Lee has died at the age of 89. Lee rose to literary fame in 1960 with the publication of one of my favorite books, To Kill a Mockingbird. The book would win her the Pulitzer Prize in 1961, and be adapted to the big screen with Gregory Peck as the great Atticus Finch. Lee was never comfortable with the fame that came with her literary masterpiece, and for more than 55 years, it remained her only published work. In 2015, Go Set the Watchman was published, much to the dismay of diehard Lee fans. The novel was meant to be a sequal to TKAM, and featured Scout as an adult, and what happens when the illusions of childhood are stripped away. (I’ve written about it here https://ascampabroad.com/2015/07/21/the-scamp-sets-a-watchman/)

Lee was born in Monroeville, Alabama in 1926, and spent most of her life guarding her privacy. It is clear that the novel served as the backdrop for her novel, and that she was deeply affected by her life there. Although she moved to New York in 1949, she always remained a small town Alabama girl. She had a deep and powerful friendship with another great American author, Truman Capote. He served as the model for her character Dill, and she served as an assistant of sorts while he researched and wrote In Cold Blood. She all but disappeared from the spotlight until President Bush honored her with the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2007. He called her novel a gift to the world.

He was not wrong.

Harper Lee has always been one of my favorite authors. To Kill A Mockingbird is a book I read over and over, and every time I do, I learn something new about myself, and about the characters I love so much. While I no longer have the naive hero worship of Atticus Finch that I did when I was younger, I am now better equipped to appreciate what Lee did with her characters, and with the story that she was trying to get across. Her death is a huge loss for the literary world, but her novels will continue to make people think, make people talk to one another, and hopefully, make people have a greater appreciation for what it is like to walk in someone else’s shoes. She may not have really believed in her ability, and the good she did, but millions of people all over the world would tell her otherwise.

“People in their right minds never take pride in their talents.”
― Harper Lee

The Scamp and the Writing Challenge: Week 6

Posted on February 7, 2016 by erranteditor

In 30 days I will say goodbye 28 and hello to 29. I’m excited about it. 28 was an amazing year for me, and I am finally headed in the right direction. It took me ten years to become comfortable with who I am, and every year I get closer to 30, is a year I figure my shit out.

Or, at least, that is what I tell myself.

The challenge for this week is to write about something I would like to change about myself. I think that on any given day there is a lot that I would like to change about myself. I’d love it if I wasn’t so tired all the time. I’d love it if I had a little more motivation to sit down and write without super strict deadlines. I’d love it if I wasn’t swimming in debt. That last one isn’t really something that I can change about myself. Plus, that debt got me to Scotland, so as much as I stress about it, it really is a good thing.

I guess the one thing that I would change about myself is my negativity. When I’m tired, when I am stressed, when things don’t go the way I want them to with other people, I go right to the dark and twisty. I automatically think the worst, and those thoughts spiral out of control every now and then. I know that I am a major pain in the ass for my friends, family, and the boyfriend every now and then. I would love it if I could override the part of my brain that automatically makes me see the world as glass half empty. Therapy has done a lot to help with it, but for some reason my brain is resisting the new programming. I hope that it is one of the things that I can change before I turn 30. I think I am going to need a lot more therapy to help with that though.

While I ponder the nature of my negativity and how to fix it, I have 12 days before I head back to the United States for the birth of my nephew and the wedding of one of the besties. I’m excited for those events, and to see my family, but I have no real desire to be back in the United States. A seven month break just does not seem to be long enough. It will be interesting to see how I fare once I am there. Hopefully I don’t take the wind and rain with me. I could really use some sunshine.

The Scamp Gets Rewarded

Posted on December 11, 2014 by erranteditor

Today was the last day of my first class at Fullerton College. I tell anyone who will listen how much I love my position there, and how much I love what I do. Today was yet another reminder of why.

I thought to leave my students with some final thoughts about writing, and my hopes for them as they continue their writing career. I know that had I been in a better place, I would have written something heartfelt and meaningful, but because I am all tapped out for the semester, I gave them the gift of John Keating. I played a clip from the movie Dead Poets Society.

I wanted them to internalize this quote:

We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, “O me! O life!… of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless… of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?” Answer. That you are here – that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?

I thought that maybe these words would be my gift to them.

Today, though, my students gave me a gift.

This merry band of misfits have all become amazing writers. I’d love to say it was all my doing, but many of them came to me with the ability, and just needed someone to help them fine tune it. They asked me if they were my favorite class, and I told them the truth when I said yes. I looked forward to seeing them every Monday and Wednesday, and I have really enjoyed reading all of their work.

When I had finished with my words of wisdom, they all wanted to share their final thoughts. Many of them told me that they loved my class and are excited to have me next semester, and one woman told me that she knows God steered her toward my class for a reason. She is a returning student, and worked hard for an A in my class. She told me that she would have never survived if it wasn’t for me. Another one of this delightful group told me he would have dropped the class if it had not been as interesting as it was. This was the first college class that he actually passed, and one day I hope to stumble across his writing in a bookstore.

I have a month off before it all starts again, and I have to say, I can’t wait.

It is not very often that I get to come face to face with my good decisions, and man does it feel good when I do.

The Scamp Completes her First Week

Posted on August 30, 2014 by erranteditor

I’ve finally completed my first week of teaching, and the first week of my second year of the doctoral program.

Teaching is great. I love my students. The first class I teach is at night, but they try to stifle their yawns, and they ask questions and engage with my lecture. The second class is a four hour once a week class, and although we have only met once, I have a feeling that I will get a lot of great work out of them. I like being in front of the class, and it has been awhile since I actually enjoyed my job. While I miss two of the women from the library, I do not miss the drama there. So far, teaching is a drama free environment. I can’t wait to really get into the teaching and the discussions with the students.

Being in the grad program has really changed the way that I view my students. I understand boring classes, and as someone who spends a lot of time looking at cat videos on the internet during the lectures, I have decided to be a little more relaxed about my phone and laptop policy. So far the students have respected it.

The second year of the program is off to a rough start. The results of the qualifying exam didn’t go well for a few people, and I do not like the way that it is being handled. If someone looked really closely at this program, I am not sure that it would be allowed to continue. It is clear that race plays a part in who gets to succeed int he program, and since I still have two years left, I am going to just bow my head and keep silent.

I didn’t do well keeping silent on the first day, but I will be trying a lot harder from now on. I have never been in a place where racism was so rampant and blatant, and people who claim to hate racial stereotypes and labels applied to them place so many labels and stereotypes on white people. It is very clear that if I was struggling in classes, or having a hard time with the program that I would be on my own to figure it out.

We have a new professor this semester, and when he wasn’t talking down to us, or telling us how he wrote Achieving the Dream, he spared a few seconds to ask us what we wanted to do with this degree. After each of the cohort members talked about their end game, he had some comment about how he had done it, or how he could make that happen for us. He was so arrogant and annoying. What was even more annoying was the plans for a lot of these people want to be deans and presidents of colleges, yet, they only want to help a certain group of students. These people are not going to work to make the educational system a better place. They are going to perpetuate the stereotypes and color focused system we have in place now.

But being on this soapbox gives me a headache, and it is a losing battle.

85 days until Thanksgiving vacation.

Thank the sweet baby Jesus I love my job.

If I didn’t need the fancy letters after my name to move overseas and start a life, I would have already quit the program and saved myself the aggravation.

A Scamp Gets Ready for Summer

Posted on May 4, 2014 by erranteditor

In the last 24 hours I have spent more time on campus then I have at home. I spent the day reviewing statistics and writing a paper that will hopefully change the lives of three hundred people.

I rewarded myself with an hour by the pool today. My first tan of the summer. Armed with a trashy romance novel, a hat, and sunscreen for the ink, I set out to unwind after a really really really long and emotional few days.

The trashy romance novel was bad (is bad), but there was a part of it that really stuck with me.

I used to believe that time was linear, that one event followed another. One action; one consequence. However, now, I sometimes have the sense that everything, all that I know, believe and experience happens in a great swoop of chaotic activity like the tumbling of dice in a cup.

This pretty much sums up my life right now….that great swoop of chaotic activity.

This pretty much sums up my life for the last year. I have been a swirl of work, school, homework, and a bad relationship. In 15 days I will celebrate one year of being back in the States. I say celebrate, but it is not really a celebration. I have been here for almost 365 days, but I have yet to really come home.

While I wish the tan and trashy romance novels were really how I was getting ready for summer, in truth, the way I am getting ready for summer has more to do with Excel spreadsheets, educational history, philosophies, and leadership frameworks. I will find time to feed my tanning addiction, but it will be with color coded flashcards, Paulo Freire, and Frederick Irving Herzberg. I have three classes and a qualifying exam this summer, so it will be a little more work and a little less fun. It is very reminiscent of the place I was in last year when I was writing my thesis…..well, ok, I wasn’t in class two days a week for 6 hours at a time, there was no need to learn about budget and finance, and there was no grueling (and somewhat pointless) test to take, but the feeling of a summer of discontent is pretty close to the same. I am not worried about passing the exam. I don’t want to take it, but I know that if I spend the summer properly preparing, I will have no trouble writing two very well thought out essays.

…as long as I can fund the motivation to do what I know needs to get done.

I have to keep reminding myself that I chose this. I signed up to get the degree, and that means doing all of the ridiculous things that come with it. The good thing is, if I survive the summer then I will be that much closer to being able to do my own research. I am very much looking forward to that day.

I’m 33% done with the program.

That is 33% closer to being called Dr. Scamp and moving on to my next adventure.

The Scamp and Construction

Posted on May 1, 2014 by erranteditor

Right now it seems like everything in my life is under construction. I live about 30 minutes from the library, and there are four routes (well, three, because I don’t want to get on the freeway at 7:30 am) that I can take to get there. I used to take a new route everyday just to keep myself from getting bored. In March my favorite route was closed to fix some pipes in the street.

The best part of that? It is closed for the next two years! I will just about in the defense stage of my dissertation before the road is open again!

Okay, not a big deal, I still have two more routes to work.

Wrong.

Route three was quickly axed because it takes more than 30 minutes to get to work with trains and traffic, so I gave it up so I could be on time to work and still sleep in a little bit. One route left.

For the last few weeks, everything has been great with that route. I’m getting to work on time, there is no crazy confusing detour, and I’ve only waited for the train to cross once.

Now there is a sign on the main street I take on my last remaining route that is advertising a construction project and warning of possible delays.

Seriously?

To top it off, the City of Walnut has started a construction project on the street in front of the library.

Shoot me now.

If I have to resort to the freeway to get to work, I will quit my job early and sign up for sugardaddies.com.

I’m not even kidding.

The only upside to all of this is that I will not have to be at the library much longer (fingers crossed that my classes at the college don’t get cancelled again) and some of the routes will be open again within the next month. All of the construction also allows me to catch up on all the podcasts I haven’t had the time to listen to lately. Adam Carolla ranting about traffic, people, and the general lack of common sense in the world makes me feel a little better about starting my day in traffic.

The roads in the city are not the only things under construction. I have friends getting married, friends getting ready to have babies, and friends getting ready to make big moves and adult decisions. All of them are under construction for the better.

I am doing none of those things, although, I guess you could say I am under construction. I’m trying to rebuild myself into Kim 2.0 (except, I think I am version 2.0 now, so it is more like 2.5….or 4.0?). It is a slow process. There are no blueprints, no plans, and I am not sure I even have any tools. Luckily the second semester of the program is winding down and I will have a little bit of time before the third semester starts to take a breath, find my center, and work on getting ready for the comprehensive exam in August.

The Scamp and Some Music

Posted on April 26, 2014 by erranteditor

I’m trying to draft Chapter One of my dissertation….trying being the operative word. I needed a book from the library and was thwarted by mother nature. The earthquake a few weeks ago has closed the side of the library with all of the useful books in it, thus, I have to wait maybe another 24 hours before I can get my tiny hands on it. Part of it is my fault for not buying the book last semester, and assuming it was easy to get to today, and part of it is the little patch of bad karma that follows me around to keep me humble. I’ve been writing the paper in stages, and while I only need 4 pages before I have met the page limit, I am having some serious trouble with some of the key sections of the paper. The background of my topic and a general introduction to the paper should not be hard to write, but those few pages are giving me fits. While I try to get them sorted, I have been letting my music play in the background.

The first song that caught my attention was Adele’s version of the Sam Cooke’s “That’s It, I Quit! I’m Moving On”. I have been playing this song (both versions) on repeat lately.

The second song is a new addition to my playlist. One of my favorites turned me on to this week. I’d like to think that if I had a theme song, this one could be it.

I’m a sucker for a stand-up bass.

The next song is one of my all time favorites. I am in awe of her voice, and it is on an album that I listened to on repeat my first few days wandering around Scotland.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Le-3MIBxQTw

The last song is an oldie, but goodie. It has a fun beat, crazy lyrics, and sneaks in one of my favorite dirty words of all time (although in this video it has been edited out)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gpMlAiqcjU

After this song it started to rain….while my kitty was still outside. This meant a long pause on the work and the music to try and track him down before he got soaked……needless to say, we are both wet now. I think that is a sign that it is time for a hot shower and some mindless entertainment in the form of Netflix.

The chapter will keep until tomorrow.