A Scamp and Her Second Favorite Matt

Posted on by erranteditor

Sorry Kellom, but my brother will always be my favorite Matt. You come a close second though. I know this will make you sad, since you are my number one fan, but my family loyalty cannot be squashed.

So, what does one write in an ode to you? I could write about all of your misdeeds in Merced. I could write about the crazy detailed schemes and pranks that you and Josh were able to perpetrate against Mango. I giggle every time I think about what you guys did at those apartments by the railroad tracks. I only wish I had witnessed you guys crawling through the vent in the closet.

I could write about how you quietly tolerated living with the crazy girl you dated our senior year. I’m really surprised you didn’t kill her….or harass her a lot more.

I could write about the time that you were being stalked by a girl that shall remain nameless, and how Janelle and I made you blush when we said that if she had showed up that weekend we would have been all over you to make her uncomfortable.

I could write about that very drunken conversation when you tried to convince me the benefits of sporking with you, and how you treated me to dinner (I still owe you for that, so the next time both of us are in California, you best let me take you out for a nice meal).

I could write about your absurd Draw Something pictures, but I don’t think I could ever do those justice.

I could write about how sad and misguided you are for being a Raider fan, but since that is pretty obvious, I wouldn’t even think about wasting my words.

Instead, what I think I will focus on is the fact that although you like to pretend that you are the silent broody type, you are actually a big softy. I love hanging out with you when you are in San Diego because I love watching you with Reilly. I know that in the future you will teach her all sorts of horrible things, but in the meantime,  watching you hold her hand, or hold her while she sits on your lap is always good for a laugh. Awhile ago you made that time lapse video of her, and it was probably the sweetest present ever.

I know that Paulyne probably tells you all the time that you need to move to San Diego when you are done with your PhD., but really, you should consider it….if nothing else but to clear yourself of all things Raider Nation.

It is not quite the poetry and magic that I promised you, but I know how embarrassed you would be if I actually did that, so for now, this will have to suffice as the shout out that you all but begged me for.

Little Red Riding Scamp

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Well, not really. We all know that I would be an awful Red Riding Hood. I’m easily led off the path of righteousness, and if my mom wanted me to take goodies to my sick grandma, my first thought would be, “Heck no! I’m not trying to catch a cold.”

Don’t worry, there is a point to this, and there are visuals.

Today I dragged my tired butt to campus for the children’s literature class expecting it to be like the other two classes, but was pleasantly surprised to see the half of the teaching duo that I liked. She has a huge literary boner for fairy tales, so today’s lesson was on genre and intertexuality using fairy tales, specifically, Little Red Riding Hood. In total today, I saw several versions of the story, some funny, some scary, and some just plain creepy. Because I enjoyed it so much, I thought I would share the highlights with my seven readers.

Version 1: The Grimm Brother’s Little Red Riding Hood

In case you haven’t read it, here it is in its entirety.

Grimm’s Little Red Riding Hood

I do not remember the stones and the sausage, and there being more than one wolf, but I was still amused by the tale. We used this one as the base to compare all the other versions that we examined.

Version 2: The Animals: Little Red Riding Hood

This song had me laughing. The baaaaaaing like a sheep at the end really got me giggling. Apparently in one version of the story, the wolf skins a sheep and wears the the sheep skin and walks with LRRH and talks her into going into the forest to get flowers. She has no idea he is a wolf, and that she should be afraid of him. The song launched a very funny conversation about what the guy wanted from the girl. Let me tell you, it is really hard to try and talk about sex without really talking about sex.

Version 3: The Best Poem Ever

Roald Dahl was already a genius in my book, but this poem just cemented his place in my little literary hall of fame. If you don’t click on any of the links, this is the one to click on. The fact that Riding Hood goes hood on the wolf is amazing, and then wearing him as a coat at the end tops it off. The video they made for this version is a bit odd and creepy, but the poem is hilarious.

Version 4: Creepy 80s Video

I don’t have a video of this, but I really don’t want everyone to be as creeped out as I was. It was a bad soap opera with a slutty mom and a slutty Red Riding Hood named Esmeralda. We spent a lot of time talking about all of the soap operas and other things alluded to in the video, and to be honest, most of them went over my head.

Version 5: Politically Correct Little Red Riding Hood.

The funniest version by far.

Politically Correct Little Red Riding Hood

We read this version out loud, and the whole time the lovely Claire was reading, I was giggling like an idiot. We then talked about how offensive this could be to people, but I am not one of those people.

Version 6: Hoodwinked

I would love to see this movie. I remember when it came out, but I really didn’t have too much of an interest in it. After all of the versions today, I think the movie might be fun

Version 7: Chanel No. 5

I fail to see how this relates to Little Red Riding Hood, so if someone want to enlighten me, I am open to comments.

Chanel No. 5

This is how I spent my Friday afternoon. What an exciting life I lead.

A Scamp and Children’s Books

Posted on by erranteditor

Last semester I thought it would be fun to sign up for a class called, “Teaching Texts Across Borders”. The class was described to us as how to to teach children’s literature to various cultures. That, coupled with the fact that it was scheduled to meet on Tuesday afternoons, and thus giving me a perfect schedule of class on Tuesdays and Wednesdays and the rest of my week free made the class a no brainer. I thought I would be sitting on easy street and could focus on the other three classes (two of which I knew were going to suck balls).

Boy was I dumb. The first challenge with the class is that it was moved to Friday afternoons. I am not my best on Fridays, and in the afternoon, forget it! The class is scheduled for prime napping hours, and it seems more often than not, it snows just as the class is letting out and I have to walk home. The second aspect of the class that I misjudged was the type of material that would be covered in the class. I like studying the theory behind literature, and I love children’s literature, but what I am being asked to do in this class is not my idea of fun. Not only the class a lot of talking and tangents about children’s books, but I am expected to read, and keep a diary of all the children and young adult fiction that I read. The Hunger Games is a required reading, and so is surfing fandom sites and reading the reworkings of stories by uber fans (50 Shades of Grey much?) I was expecting to find books like the ones at home, Meg Cabot, J.K. Rowling, and the like, books that have simple plots with happy endings, ones that are predictable and lighthearted. I know that not all books written for children are like this, but the book we went over in class was a creepy take on Little Red Riding Hood, complete with parents who fight, and the possibility of divorce. The story was dark and depressing, and by the end of it, the reader has no idea if the mother is happy to see the father has returned, or if she is merely happy the son has made it home in one piece.

The book is aimed at 4-6 year olds.

The books in the Moray House library are just as good. I’ve read a couple of children’s books that I enjoyed, and were lighthearted, but so far the young adult fiction has been worse than most adult fiction I have read. The first was a story about a girl who had gone mad and the artist her father had hired to help her become “normal” again. The story was poorly written and never really gave a clear explanation on anything. Suddenly by the end of the story, the governess is really a sister, and the “crazy” sister is now a famous artist loved by all. The second book though, that is the good one. That one takes place in the future (although that is not made clear, I had to wikipedia that) at the outbreak of a mysterious third world war. There is no named enemy, and no reason given for the war. The important part of the story though is that a girl is sent to live with her cousins in England for a summer, and while there, this war breaks out. For awhile, the war does not affect the kids, and while they are enjoying a life without adults (their aunt/mom is killed trying to get across the border and back to her family) the American girl falls in love with her cousin….her first cousin. They begin a sexual relationship. No one thinks of their relationship as wrong, and no one tells them they should do otherwise. The war drives the boy crazy, and the story ends with the girl making it back to the farm to be with her cousins and put her life back together after the war. The boy is now a mute who cuts himself and may or may not talk to vegetables. The story ends with the girl picking up the relationship with her cousin and adjusting to the way he is now.

WTF?

This books is marketed for 12 year olds. I don’t have a 12 year old, and I was reading “adult” novels at 12, but good grief. What kind of story is that? Underage sex with your first cousin? More importantly, how do I discuss this story in a class with Chinese girls who barely understand English, and would be horrified at the subject of this book.

On the upside, I think I found my final assignment topic: how absurd and effed up can children’s books be in the UK before someone thinks twice about letting kids read them?

This is going to be a long semester.

 

A Scamp and the Wind

Posted on by erranteditor

I hate the wind. It scares me. When I was a kid, I used to freak out when the wind blew, and lord help anyone near me if something was swinging (I know, I am a very strange person). While I grew out of my fear of things that swing, I never did quite grow out of my fear of the wind. When I was younger, and it was still socially acceptable to have a bed covered in stuffed animals, I would pile all of the stuffies around me, and use them to block out the sound. As I got older, I noticed the wind less and less, and a few years ago I got help blocking out the wind from a little thing called Trazadone. I knew that places like Chicago weren’t for me. Any place called the Windy City promised a few sleepless nights for me. I liked my California bubble, with few windy days, and a lots of sunshine.

It never occurred to me that the wind would be so violent here. On a windy day, I could very easily get blown over on my way to school. The only thing that saves me most days is my heavy book bag and my wellies. The wind here blows snow and rain in your face, and makes the most awful sound when coming through poorly insulated windows. For the last few days the wind has been howling at night, bringing with it rain against the windows, and uncovering a childish fear. This time there are no stuffies to pile around me to make me feel comforted and safe. I’m not afraid of the wind now (I know that it can’t hurt me, and all those comforting things parents say to their kids when they are young and afraid), but I still don’t like the wind, and still wish that I was at home in bed curled up with my cat, or with David (even though he does not understand why I don’t like the wind). Tonight will be one of those nights where I throw on a podcast so that I fall asleep to the sounds of familiar voices rather than to the sounds of the wind.

Since I spent most of the day sleeping, I will need all the sleep I can get now, so that I do not repeat the trend tomorrow.

A Scamp and a Blizzard

Posted on by erranteditor

Okay, it wasn’t really a blizzard….the snow wasn’t even sticking to the ground, but thanks to the wonderful wind here, there were some fun little squalls that made walking to school a really fun adventure.

Thus ends my love affair with the snow. I know I was all excited to be living in a place with snow, and I even enjoyed my walk home last Friday in the tiny flurry. This week though, not so much. The ground is slippery, the wind blows the snow in my face, and all the cold just makes me want to stay in bed with a book or a good movie. I have to say, the city is just as beautiful covered in snow as it is in the rain and on rare days when the sun comes out, so at least for a little while longer I can hold on to the motto that started this journey, “It may be bad, but at least it is bad in Scotland.”

This was a big week for me. I finally finished the last of my essays, paid the last of my fines at the library (I’m no longer a felon in their eyes so I guess that means I need to start checking out the textbook and doing my homework again…..darn), and got any lingering confusion of what to do this semester out of my brain. This week I also learned about compromise and standing up for something that I really want. After a lot of back and forth (and a lot of tears on my part) David and I finally ended our battle over family traditions. It was a battle of who could be more stubborn, and I really thought I had ruin our relationship by opening by what will now hence forth be known as the Christmas Tree Can of Worms. David though, for his part kept saying that one fight did not end a relationship, but after a lot of talking, some yelling, and tears, lots of tears, he made a huge compromise for me so that I could keep a very important family tradition. I know that he did not want to give him (and I joke that he only did to end the fight), but the fact that he did, and does not seem the least bit fazed by it means a lot to me. I’m a big fan of compromise, especially when I am not the only one doing it, and his willingness to compromise is important. I’m happy that we are settling back into a comfortable routine of just missing each other all the time.

While the wind is working its magic outside, it is not currently snowing. My hope is that the snow holds off until about 3pm tomorrow when I make it back to my room with the slew of children’s books I now get to read for my Friday afternoon class (who has class on a Friday afternoon. It is really a rant for another day. Just wait for Friday…..). Since I have no papers to write and I am caught up on my reading for the week, I think I may just enjoy my time after class tomorrow….even if it snows.

A Scamp and the Climate

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I know that  have officially gone crazy when the first words out of my mouth when I heard that it was 36 degrees was “Oh it’s warm today!” The walk to the library was actually not completely unpleasant  and not all of the puddles I passed were frozen. I’d like to think that this means I have adjusted to this climate, but when the wind blows next time I am out, or it snows more than just little flurries, I know that I will be singing a new tune. Today, there is sunshine. I like sunshine. I miss sunshine. I enjoy that the climate seems to be smiling on me today and allowing me a little bit of sunshine with the chilling cold. I feel that I have a good chance of making it until April without completely hating life, and that thought puts a little spring in my step.

The weather is not the only climate I am having fun getting back into. I have very much enjoyed getting back into the academic mindset. I was able to get a paper done in six hours that I had barely looked at in six weeks at home, and I actually completed reading for class next week. I had some fun tasks to deal with thanks to the robbery, and I was able to pay all the fines and make a woman feel incredibly guilty without having a complete mental breakdown (side note: When helping a patron with a large fine to pay, the appropriate statement is, “How can I help you take care of this?”, not, “Well, you better have a good story for this one!” It is also not nice to smile when I tell you I’ve been robbed, and then ask me how I would like to pay for it). I did not cry once (although I will when I see my credit card bill, and when I have to ask my mom for money in a few months). I have been to all of my new classes, and I have to say that I already enjoy them….even the class that will be solely based on statistics. Classes end at the end of March, and I have a feeling that I will wake up tomorrow and it will be the end of March. I’m both saddened and excited by that idea.

There is one climate here that I am not adjusting to very well. I’m having a hard time with the long distance part of the long distance relationship. I am this close to ruining the whole thing.I’m really good at that. Ruining things that were working out in some version of okay. I did that to the only other serious relationship I have ever been in, and although the relationships are different, and I am different, I can’t help but notice a pattern emerging. I am stuck on a family tradition that I think is important. I’m worried about losing it for the next 70 years, and instead of focusing on what I have to do today, I am focused on what will happen inthose 70 years. Instead of just being the bright shiny flower I always am, I am being a right proper shit and insisting that I get some sort of resolution to a problem that I created. I want to see tangible evidence of something that probably won’t exist, and instead of just being in the moment and enjoying the fact that right now we are in some form of love, I am opening my mouth as wide as it will go and sticking as many feet as I can find in it. I have no idea how the next few days will play out, I know how I want it to, but it takes two to be in a relationship and only one to walk away.

I do know that I am not walking away.

I will now shlep myself to the library so that I can start a paper that I should have started six weeks ago. Really that means I am going to go to the 5th floor and stare out the window of my favorite view of the city.

A Scamp and Sleep

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It is 7:35 am in Scotland. I have been trying to sleep since midnight. Nothing is working. I tried yoga, I tried listening to my favorite Chet Baker album, I tried watching movies, I tried meditating, I tried to shut off my brain. For some reason, none of that worked. I took my sleeping pill (which I think I should get a refund on), but no sleep came. I’m worried about my papers. I have two of them that still need to be done, and so far, I have only written 1,000 words. That is not nearly enough to be on track for the deadlines. I’m tired, and in being tired I have lost my motivation. Everything I type seems pedantic, and I get distracted by shiny objects and bad movies on youtube, Even now, I have moved off this page several times to watch bits of West Wing. I am even trying to work on my papers, but quickly gave that up because I am sure that whatever I write right now will sound completely insane. I’d rather take notes and try to put things on paper so that I can go over them in a few hours after what promises to be a shitty meal and possibly a nap.

I have 4 hours until I am supposed to be at brunch. In 10 minutes my alarm will go off and I should be getting out of bed to get some work done. I think I may reset the alarm and try and take a nap before brunch. In truth, what I will end up doing is going over a book and taking notes for the paper. and trying to figure out how to move to part two. I’ll also send part of it to my mother so that she can help me rewrite it so it fits the prompt.

David’s mom is a well respected sleep doctor. She joked to me before I left that she knew a great sleep doctor that could help me work out my sleep issues…..maybe I should have taken her up on that.

 

A Scamp and a Break-Up

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Breaking up is hard to do……except when it isn’t.

With the help of Jade, the most amazing person in Scotland, I was able to end my most contentious and harmful relationship to date. Two days ago I moved out of my room in a hallway full of assholes and into Jade’s wing, a hallway full of actual postgrads. It has only been two days, but not having to hear the door slam when the drunk guys comes home, and not being jarred out of a peaceful sleep at 3 am to hear the slutty girl at the end of the hall negotiate sex deals is by far the best thing about living in this dorm so far. I’m so grateful that Jade was able to sweet talk the powers that be and finagle a move with only two days notice. I know that I will be able to enjoy myself a little more without being harassed and annoyed on a daily basis.

I do wish this break-up allowed me to find a little motivation. I’m still pretty jet lagged, and had a hard time dragging my lazy butt out of bed before 1 pm. I was able to meet my page goal for the day, but it took a lot of coaxing, and lot of erasing and redoing. I have to get my butt in gear so I can start the third paper, and I have a feeling that means that I am going to have to drag myself to the library. That will force me to actually get out of my sweats, and the walk in the cold will wake me up and get me in the mood to write. Right now, it isn’t happening and one of the papers is due at the end of next week, with the other not too far after that. I do not want to have to use the extensions, and I do not want to get another grade that I am dissatisfied with.

All in all, I have to say my return to Scotland has been a very happy one. I have enjoyed catching up with Jade and hearing all of her stories, and I had the best time catching up with the Ed Lang girls. I consider myself very lucky to be in a program with 12 girls that I like and respect and have so much fun with. I hope that the next few months goes slow enough that I can enjoy my time with them. Classes start again on Monday, and my first class is on Wednesday. It will be back to the grind, and back to the routine of class and reading and those lovely research methods videos. Before I know it, it will be May and time for me to back up and go home.

I’m not sure I am ready to think about that yet.

A Scamp and a Jet Plane

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I have become accustomed to travel. I’ve been on more long flights in the last few months than many people take in their entire lives. I’m lucky that I have parents who can afford to help me out and bring me home for a visit, and tomorrow at 4:30 pm Pacific time, I will once again get on a plane to return to Scotland. I’m ready….kinda. I’m ready to get back to the grind of school, ready for my 20 minute walk to campus in the morning with my Adam Carolla and Joe Rogan podcasts  to keep me company. I’m excited to start some classes in subjects that are in line with the other degrees that I have, and excited to have some time to do some travel (funds permitting). Most importantly, I am ready to see all the lovely ladies and gents again. I learn more from them than I do from textbooks, and I look forward to seeing what I can learn from them this semester.

There are a lot of things I am going to miss though. I am going to miss the food. It is strange to think about some of the funky food things I miss while I am there, like American mustard or salsa, or string cheese. I miss hot Cheetos, but it is probably a good thing that they don’t have those in Scotland because they are sooooooooooo bad for me. I will also miss being able to cook (okay, having someone cook) a meal of my choosing. Options are limited in the dinning hall, and I find myself eating a lot of salad and potatoes….pretty soon I am just going to be one giant carb. I’m going to miss meat I can identify and things being served hot. I am hoping that a new year means some new options.

I think the thing I am going to miss the most is my family. I like sitting on the couch next to them and watching bad TV, or playing Scrabble. I will miss hiding in my room for some quiet time and hearing the TV blaring downstairs because my parent’s can’t hear. I am going to miss being in texting range with them. I love sending and receiving cat pictures or text messages and get them in realtime. I can still get text from them, but I have to be at my computer, and between that and the time change, I don’t talk to them nearly as much I can while I am here.

I am going to miss my bed. The dorm bed is like a bad camp bed complete with lumpy mattress and thing pillow. My bed here has a lot of pillows, my favorite zebra print sheets, and all of the blankets that I have managed to collect over the years. I know the creaks and the squeaks that it makes, and it is low to the ground, just the way I like it. The most important thing that I will miss about my bed here is the David in my bed. There will be no David in my bed in Scotland. I like snuggling up against him and rolling him over in the middle of the night when he starts to snore.

When I was a kid I slept with a stuffed rabbit. He was always hugged up close to me in case I had bad dreams. The rabbit went with me when I went to college, when I moved to San Diego, and when I moved back home. He currently sits in a place of honor at the foot of my bed, and every so often when I am sleeping alone and have a bad dream, I still reach for him. David has become my stuffed rabbit. I fall asleep clutching and curled around his arm, and I sleep a lot better when he is around. I will miss the comfort of him.

He is not the least bit happy about me returning to Scotland. I am hoping the old saying, “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is true because when I leave tomorrow we won’t get to see each other for six months. By the time we get to see each other he will think I am a goddess…..I’m totally okay with that.