Family

A Scamp and Family Time

Posted on by erranteditor

Nothing says, “good quality time” like telling your family about your first gang bang….well, the first gang bang that you got to hear going on in the room below you.

Today could have been a crappy day. Today was supposed to be my original coming home date, and today would have been my anniversary with David. Instead I got to spend the day laying by the pool with my mom and then having a BBQ with my aunt, uncle and cousins. My cousin just completed her first year of college, and now she is back to spend the summer giving her parents grey hair while she demonstrates all of the colorful things that she learned in college (and by that I mean all of the colorful language, the other stuff doesn’t need to be shared). It was nice to be with my sister and brother-in-law and cousins, have some grilled chicken and potato salad, and laugh at all of the ridiculous things that my family says.

I also got to see most of my Scotland friends today. Thanks to technology, I was able to say hello and see them all gussied up for a tea party, and they were able to see sunshine. I’d like to think I was doing them just as much a favor as they were doing me.

 

Best part of today? Watching these two romp and play in the grass.

 

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Tomorrow I will have to get back to the research. I’ve found some books that will be helpful, so now all I have to do is track them down in ebook form and the research and reading can continue.

The Scamp Doesn’t Wanna

Posted on by erranteditor

Today the sun came out. Not only did the sun come out, but it was 63 degrees! My legs saw the sun today. I wore my toms instead of boots and tights. I walked around without a jacket. I felt great.

Until I didn’t.

I only have ten days left of my adventure here and I have come to the realization that I do not want to go home. I like the safety of my Scotland bubble. There are no painful memories here, no worries about a social circle and friends, and in my little fantasy land, there is no worries about bills, my lack of job and paying for school next semester. I ran out of time to travel, and was unable to see some of the other parts of the UK that I thought I would get to. The end has snuck up on me. I’m not ready. I still have yet to hear from my supervisor about a meeting and have to wait until tomorrow to get the paperwork signed for my leave of absence. I know that I pushed a lot of this to the last minute, but I am a little disheartened at the lack of support from the professors. I hope this isn’t a pattern that will be repeated for the next four months. It will be harder for me to get things done when I am more than 5,000 miles away.

Today I was up at half 6. I read 3/4 of a Stephanie Plum novel before I finally got up and decided to start the day. I’mm not sure what has been disrupting my sleep pattern, but it is on the fritz lately. I have been having nightmares about David which leave me feeling sad and empty, and I am worried about my dissertation and the research that I am doing. I know that these two things are just a product of stress, but I am worried that they will take over and I will go back to being dark and twisty. I don’t want to be dark and twisty.

Last night I packed up parts of my room to ship home. That made the end of the journey seem more real. Today I took the first box to the post office to send on home. While that doesn’t seem like a hard task, I had to carry the box and walk the 10 minutes to the office. The box didn’t seem heavy, but by the time I reached my destination, my arms wanted to fall off. I still have two more boxes that have to be walked and shipped. I’m thinking I am going to wait until Thursday to do the second box and I will take care of the third one on Monday. In the meantime, I am going to do some pushups and work out my little chicken arms.

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I need a pint….or maybe three.

Tour Guide Scamp: Day 1

Posted on by erranteditor

The day has finally arrived. My parents are finally in Edinburgh for a visit. I haven’t seen them since January, and while I am a little over a month from going home, I cannot begin to describe how excited I am for them to be in my space. For the next 6 days I will be playing tour guide for them in one of my favorite places in the world.

The first day of tourapalooza was not super exciting. The parents are tired and very jet lagged, so after meeting them at the hotel, I showed them the great Greyfriars Bobby and the cemetery that he stayed in for 14 years. Anyone wanting to read the full story can go here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greyfriars_Bobby. The cemetery is really quite beautiful, and is nestled in between shops on one of the main streets in the city.

The second stop on the tour was main campus. I pointed out all the important buildings (The campus bar, student health center, library, you know, the usual) and then walked the old people through my favorite park to the dorms.

Stop three was my room in the cesspool. Thank sweet baby Jesus all the undergrads are on Spring break. The dorms were quiet and my parents got to meet some of my friends here.

The final stop on day one of the tour was my favorite Irish pub. We ate, had some drinks, and then I sent them off to their hotel. My mom looked like she was ready to fall asleep at the table. Of course I would have loved to spend more time chatting and catching up, but I have plenty of time for that while I am shuffling them around from castle to museum to pubs around town.

Tomorrow’s agenda includes exploring the castle, hanging out in the tourist part of town, and having dinner with some of the girls in my program. My mom has already promised to bring lots of baby pictures….oh goody.

Call Me Dr. Scamp

Posted on by erranteditor

While I drive myself crazy waiting for my parents to get here, I made an important life decision. I have decided that money be damned, I will be joining the 6th cohort of the  Doctorate of Education in Educational Leadership with a specialization in Community College at California State University, Fullerton. I was offered a spot in the 5th cohort and turned it down last year to come here, and while I was here I did a lot of wavering about whether or not I would apply for re-admission. When things with David started to fall apart I thought about putting the degree on hold all together and moving to San Diego to be with him.

The thing is, I loved (well, still love, but I’m working on getting over that) him, but I really want to pursue this degree. I want to teach at the community college level, want to eventually run a writing program at one, and while I can easily do that without an advanced degree, I feel like this program will help give me some tools before I dive head first into the working world. I like being in school, and like being a student. The three degrees that I have now will make me a better teacher, but this degree will make me a better leader. This degree will help me better understand what happens outside of the classroom, and allow me to sharpen my skills as I prepare for total community college world domination.

I’m paying on a massive loan that I took out to pay for this adventure, and part of me is worried about the finance part of this degree. I am going to have to pray that FAFSA comes through and offers me some help, and that in the next few months while I am not working on my dissertation, I can work on finding some money and grants that will help me pay for the next three years ( I joke that I am going to start looking for strip clubs that will hire me, but at this point, I am really looking into the possibility).

Part of me is still hesitant to come home and face all of the things that being home means. I used to joke with David that if we ever broke up I would never return to the US. Part of me still has that thought in the back of my mind. My visa is still good here for another year, and I am sure there are plenty of places that could use a smart mouthed English teacher. I also have thoughts of running away to New Zealand or going back to Australia and hiding out in the sunshine. Ultimately I know that I don’t really want to be that far from my family, and that things will fall into place when I go home, but part of me can’t help but wonder what kind of adventure could be out there waiting for me if I didn’t go home.

In the meantime, feel free to send me advice on places to find money, and get ready to call me Dr. Scamp.

A Scamp Prepares for a Visit

Posted on by erranteditor

 

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Today is my mommy’s birthday! Everyone knows how I feel about her (and those who don’t, go here https://ascampabroad.wordpress.com/2013/03/10/a-scamp-and-her-mom/) Even better than that though, it means that she and my dad are getting on a plane tomorrow to come spend a week with me in beautiful Scotland. I have an exciting week planned for them complete with castle tours, ferry rides, and a possibly a trip to the docks to see the Royal Britannia. I’m even going to let them meet all of the wonderful people that I have met here. I’m excited to be able to show them the city that I live in, but I am more excited that my family will be in my space again.

The last couple of months have been tough on me, and while the girls here have been amazing, I am really craving some family time. I need a hug from my mom, I need to feel connected to my family again. I haven’t seen them since early January, and most of the Skype chats lately where to cheer me up and prepare me for the broken heart that was to come. I want to put that part behind me and be able to laugh and enjoy my time with them. It is my dad’s first time here, and while my mom has been here before, she didn’t get to see much, so I want to make sure this week is the best it can be. The next week of posts will be my time with them and all of the fun things that we do.

An update to yesterday’s aside: I have to prove that I am California resident because I got re-admitted to the PhD. program. The only downside is I got admitted to a program I didn’t apply to, with an emphasis I am not interested in. I’ve emailed the program to see about straightening that out, hoping that it was done in error. Now I am at the mercy of when the course secretary emails me back. I’m proud to say that my reaction was to laugh at the situation. Those of you who know me really well know that two years ago I had a lot of trouble with SDSU and paperwork. I would call my mom crying whenever I had a problem with them. I fell to pieces over the smallest of mix-ups and extra steps. This time though, I know eventually it will get straightened out (and I might have to enlist my mom to make a phone call for me), and that it will all work out.

I’d like to think that is me growing up and maturing, but it could just be the excitement of my parent’s visit. Check back in a week to see if I have thrown a hissy fit over it.

A Scamp and the Holidays

Posted on by erranteditor

Thanksgiving is fast approaching. This is the first time I have ever had to be in class on my favorite holiday, and it will be the first time that I am not celebrating with my family. I have been invited to have an “American Thanksgiving” with some of the people who live in a dorm near the education building, and as tempting as the idea of real food is, I will only know maybe two or three people who are going. I’m not sure I really want to spend the evening with a bunch of strangers when all I really want to do is spend it with my family. The girls in my program, whom I would have loved to spend the day with, are doing Thanksgiving on Friday, and I had already made plans, so unfortunately I will miss that. I know that will be a lot of fun though as many of those girls have never celebrated Thanksgiving before.  I may spend the evening making outlines for my papers and pushing through on the work that has to get done before I go home. By Thursday the countdown will be down to 6 days, so I can just delay my celebration and see everyone when I get back.

I am minorly stressed about the upcoming holidays though. Having no job, and a loan payment to make every month, makes my prospects for Christmas and Hanukkah presents seem slim. I know that no one expects me to bring presents and all that, but I still feel bad that I won’t really be contributing to the holidays. I know that my momma will float me the cash until I am back on my feet, but I feel guilty about leaning her to take care of me. I’m 25, I should be taking care of myself by now.

All in all though, I am a looking forward to going home and having a bit of a break from the dorm. We got our official notice of charges today for the damage that was done to the place. We will get another bill next month, and probably one after that. The RAs, the warden, everyone knows who did it. They even have Facebook pictures to prove it. When they confronted the guy in the pictures, he gave up the people involved, and even offered to split the cost of the damage with the people who destroyed the place, but when the rest of the merry men were confronted, they denied all involvement, and because they need the culprits to confess their crimes before they can charge them, there now 5 charges on my account. Lucky me.

Maybe if I play that awful Thanksgiving song on repeat on their floor all night I will feel better about the charges…..

A Scamp and Balance

Posted on by erranteditor

I can’t believe that I have only been here for a week. I feel like I have been here for a lot longer than that. Some of it is because of the horrid schedule of the week, and some of it is due to the fact that I just love the city. I can walk everywhere, my sense of direction has never been so good, and I have made a lot of friends here (I know, everyone is shocked by that last statement, but I decided that when I got here I would do the opposite of what I normally do, and it has been working). I love the fact that I am not spending every night alone in my dorm room, but I am having a hard time staying connected to everyone at home. I’ve seen my mother’s face once, talked to Kelly briefly, and have yet to see my partners in crime. I get regular chats with David, but even then, I feel like I am keeping him from his work. The time difference is still a tricky thing. I’ve made a few appointments to chat with Kelly, but then failed to do it because I went out with my friends here. I wanted to talk to Kelly, but I had a lot of fun going out and about. I know that once my coursework starts I will not be out and about as much and will be able to make a better schedule, but for the next few days, I will feel a bit torn between here and home.

Another balance I am trying to make is the balance between friendly and too friendly. For some reason in this country I am a novelty. I’m assuming it is the tattoos and snark presented in a the librarian esque package. I’ve learned that the Irish love me because I like boxing, the Canadians love me because of the cultural similarities, and the Scottish love me because I say dude. I have to admit that I love the attention. San Diego was rough on me, and it is nice to feel like I am being appreciated for my better qualities. My problem is, I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea. I love David, shoot, I am going to marry that boy whether he wants to or not. While I enjoy the boys that I have met here, there is nothing short of Kelly Slater offering to be my love slave that will even tempt me away from David. I find a way to mention him in every conversation I have (which I am sure people are getting tired of) but I have a feeling that most of these boys wouldn’t mind being invited to my room (yeah, like that is going to happen). I usually do better being friends with guys, but I do not want to do anything that will make these boys think they have a snowball’s chance, and I certainly do not want to make David uncomfortable.

My last struggle with balance is balancing the adventure that I want to have for me, and the adventure that I should have as part of a dynamic duo. This is my mother’s biggest fear. When David and I got back together, she was worried about what that would do to the way I lived here. She was worried that I wouldn’t enjoy myself, or that I would somehow short change myself because I just wanted to be with David. She loves David, but she was worried before she spent a lot of time with him what he would do to my adventure. For his part, David feels the same way as my mother. I had to work very hard (and shed a lot of tears) to convince him that I was in no way going to change my plans just because I was madly in love with him (I’m pretty sure I called him an idiot at one point). I mean that. There was no way that I was going to give up this chance, short of some serious complications with the Lupus….even then I would have hobbled my tired ass over here. I am at the point though where I have to decide if I am going to stay for another couple of years, or come home at the end of this program. If I can get funded, I am staying. No question about it. I’d love to stay even if I can’t get funded, but I do not want to go into anymore debt. I also miss being with David everyday, texting Kelly whenever I want and generally not being depressed when I look at Facebook. Although my original plan was to move here and never come home, I am thinking that maybe living here for three (maybe four) years total will give me the adventure that I need before I go home and settle into a life of big girl jobs and financial responsibility.

A Scamp Unpacked (For Now)

Posted on by erranteditor

I never realized how small the room I grew up in was until now. I suddenly have no room to move, no room to breath, and certainly no room to put all of the clothes and things that I have gathered in the last seven years of living on my own. The boxes are all stacked up in my parent’s garage and there is a layer of dust and I am sure many many spiders making residence in my boxes. Soon they will all be moved into storage (if I can get them all to fit) and I will have everything I own in a couple of suitcases and a few carry-ons. I think it is really starting to hit me that I can’t take call of this stuff with me and I will have to pick and choose what I take and what I leave behind. I’m starting to see the beauty of my roommates plan to sell all of her stuff. I have no idea where all of this stuff came from, and I have no idea what I am going to do with it if it doesn’t fit into storage.

All of the stress and the fact that the clock is quickly running out for my time in the US is leaving me with a lot of doubts. I’m starting to think that this was not the best idea I have ever had. Storing my stuff is going to be an issue, leaving my family will be an issue, and leaving David is going to suck. I’ve only been at home one day and I already miss him like crazy. I know that things will be different when I am in school and things are busy, but I am just dreading that separation. I wish that he hadn’t been so quick to turn down coming with me, and as much as I understand why he made that choice, I can’t help but think how much fun it would be if he wanted to come with me. He is constantly tempting me with the life that we will have together when I get home, and sometimes I can’t help but wonder if part of that is a dig at me because we could have that now.

I think that once I readjust to living at home, and can put some of the boxes and bags and other things away I will feel better, but in the meantime, I am very glad that my mother understands my need to be in my room by myself for long stretches of time, and that she is willing to give me that space to readjust. I am hoping that in the next few days I settle down and adjust to being home and start to process the next stage of my life.

A Scamp Conflicted

Posted on by erranteditor

Lately I have been having dreams that I have become irrelevant. There is nothing worse than feeling like you no longer matter. In the dreams my friends and family stop talking to me, stop inviting me places, and generally disappear from my life. Now, I am not dumb enough to think that the world is going to stop turning just because I have decided to move to the UK, but I can’t seem to shake the feeling of “out of sight, out of mind”. This lingering feeling is making what time I do have left here difficult. I am definitely moody and suspicious of the motives of people around me. I act like a sullen teenager when someone says, “Oh, but you are moving to Scotland” when they mention a concert, trip, or some other event that will take place when I have left. It’s as if their efforts are wasted on me because I won’t be around much longer.

I have only shared this fear with a couple of people. While two of them told me I was crazy and all would be fine, the only comment I can seem to focus on is the one asshole who told me that fear is completely justified. He went on to tell me that I should not expect to stay in contact with anyone other than my immediate family because I made it virtually impossible for people to want to emotionally connect to me and show me any type of affection. I realize that I am not the easiest person in the world, but I had no idea I was that difficult. For some reason that is the comment that is stuck in my head, and that is making me question all of my choices. While there is nothing short of a health crisis that is going to keep me from going, it does make me question whether or not I should come home. Once I finish my degree I will be more than qualified to work in the UK, and I could see myself staying there and deciding not to come home at all.

At the end of the day I know that I could never be that far from my family, but if I don’t find a way to snap myself out of this mindset, it is going to put a real big damper on the excitement of the upcoming adventure.